Here Plan B Letters-Samples

TD, I received your email, and saw Brainy sent you the PBL examples. Read them, pick the one that sounds most like you, edit it as necessary, post the result here (with names redacted), let the PB wizards give you feedback, and send it out.

The only contact point between you should be my e-mail address, which you have. (I'll send you my first name via email, and should have WW's.)

I think this is the right decision for you.

"if you desire to continue an adulterous relationship and rub it in my face please leave"

TQ, I recently went through this.
I went to visit ex ww family with the kids (so cousins can play together) and ex ww was "sad" she wasn't invited on our family vacation.
This is a wayward attitude and like your wife, mine wanted to "get along" and still be "good friends" after divorce.
I'm sure your wife would love it if you went to Florida and became friends with posom, maybe even barbecue with him in his back yard.
Some people do that.
"for the kids"
Sacrifice of ones values for the kids is a terrible learning example.

I would mail it certified mail, signature required so you KNOW she receives it.
Also the book recommends mailing a copy to the affair partner; I would also send a copy to her family so they can see there is a door open and hopefully encourage her to end the affair.

Also let your attorney know so she can't try to break plan B by coming to the house.
This means removing yourself as the visitation supervisor.
Then ask your attorney if you can trespass her from the home. If so, have the county sheriff serve a letter of trespass on her AND on the posom.

Block her phone number from your cell. If you are legally required to allow phone contact between the kid and her then have a dedicated "mommy phone".

You will also need to block her email address, Facebook etc.

However remember that Dr Harley twice told you to continue plan A

I'm at work now and will post a list of my Plan B plan of action. I know Dr. Harley said to Plan A but I'm in line with NG. She has shown zero remorse and maybe a dose of reality without me will make her realize her mistake. Plus, with her living with POSOM in FL it should be easy. I will talk with my attorney about the legal end tomorrow. I can't mail certified as I don't have her actual address. I have POSOM's I am sure she is living with him. I might send it to his residence, email, and also have my lawyer give it to her lawyer so he can relay it to her.

This wasn't an easy decision to make. I was thinking about this while she was here and I done a Plan B before and she came running back even though it was brief and with alot of breaks. Also, her forgiveness talk sent me over the edge as well as the comments her lawyer made during the meeting. I feel a lot better and I know I can do a Plan A longer but I feel Plan B will help me get to my endgame faster than Plan A. Especially since I have a better IM. Sending the PBL to POSOM should be the exact same copy? I know in SAA Jon did one and sent it to POSOM but it had a P.S. message for Greg on the bottom. Phone calls aren't court ordered and she doesn't speak to him via phone anyways.

I am 100% she thinks we can be friends and possibly friends with benefits after divorce. The purpose of my Plan B is to show her this is a fantasy that will never come to reality. I see her coming back on her own terms, like I am her second option. I don't want that I want her back knowing full wrong of the pain she caused our family not because its convient. I read the FR threads extensively thats how I know she was on bullstuff about her forgiveness speech. Too many I's and me's in it and not enough sympathy, empathy and remorse. Will post Plan B POA (plan of action) tonite.

Don't Plan B to "give her a taste" of anything. That is not what Plan B is for.

Only Plan B if you are ready to lose the marriage, because once you go to Plan B, as a man, your odds are essentially 0%, according to Dr. Harley. Men do not win their wives back through Plan B.

Only Plan B if the continuing damage to you is so great that you cannot take it. And be sure you've tried antidepressants, first.

Let me be the voice warning you that it's probably not going to work that way.

I've heard Dr H say this many times. Plan B for a man is essentially a step towards divorce. Men who want to fight for their marriages in response to an affair need to outlast the affair and out-love the OM. A man needs to show himself to be there waiting to pick up the pieces when the affair falls apart. She needs to see that you did not give up on her if she is ever to go back to you.

But TQ is heading to divorce.
He plans on plan B after divorce anyway and has done a plan A for months.

With Plan A he has a chance to avoid divorce.
With Plan B, divorce is just about guaranteed.

Dr. Harley has advised a longer Plan A.
TQ has said that he could Plan A longer.

There is no reason for Plan B, unless TQ has decided that he doesn't want WW back for good.

Has nearly all your love for her been destroyed?

No it hasn't I still love my wife. So I guess I should stick it out. I misunderstood the concept of Plan B and wasn't aware that for men Plan A all the time is the best COA in order to save the marriage.

Then keep doing Plan A as long as you can. Maybe your Plan A needs some tweaking and some more "stick" with it's carrot to instill some reality into the situation.

Going into Plan B because you think it's a better way to manipulate the situation in your favor isn't smart. If it doesn't work...what do you do at that point?

It's your life and anything is possible but your best bet IMO is to stick to Dr. Harley's specific advice for you.

Mr. W

And I shall sorry for the confusion everyone.

Hang in there, TD. Offering prayers today for you and your kids, and your wife.

TD,
How far along is the divorce process?

I think if you are fighting for your marriage, stay in plan A. The fact that she is in a different state works to your advantage. For one thing, you don't have to deal with her abuse. Your anger and hurt is minimized by the distance. In the meantime, the fantasy of her affair will likely crumble. You can make deposits from a distance while POSOM makes withdrawals.

Once the divorce is final then you may choose to go into Plan B. That's what I did. My FWW and I reconciled after the divorce.

Plan A keeps the door open wider. Plan B protects you and your LB.

You said before you were willing to wait till the divorce, so why not stick to that plan since she is far away anyway.

In the meantime, continue to do the great things you're doing with your son. Keep up the running routine and try and enjoy life.

Good luck, friend.

Thanks for your kind words. We have another court date in June. It's a status hearing? I don't think I'm that far along and I'm doing what I can to slow it down. I am the one who initiated the divorce so its at my speed.