Hi Neak,

I read parts of this before but yesterday I began from page 1. I am on page 18 now. I am amazed so far at how "easy" this was for you. Not to make light of the fact it wasn't easy from YOUR stand point, but mine would be sarcastic - Oh BOUNDARIES, you want boundaries... And then proceeded to tell me that if I had cared I wouldn't have been the one to stop communicating. That he never said half the things he did say (its like amnesia) and that I am the problem because I am not listening. HA... LISTENING? He was saying he didn't know what he wanted but was with POSOW all the time and telling HER he loved her and was telling everyone we know we were already divorced because HE didn't want to look like an idiot. ALL ABOUT HIM. it probably still IS we're in Plan B. I have NO idea what he's doing/thinking but I am sure it's only on how to get me to sign the papers so POSOW will stop harassing him about it.

What amazes me most is how he rewrote it all. How he actually seemed like a man with his head in the clouds. I think he forgot once who I am because he was trying to tell me how THEY met was more conducive to a happy relationship and how they were just friends for a long time (snicker, doubt this) before anything happened. It's like they wrote this "story" to tell everyone and he forgot I was one of the "players" in the drama and KNOW the truth. LMAO

I reread the whole myself earlier this week. Why, I don't know. I'd managed to forget a lot of it, but other people were reading and commenting and I got curious, so waded back into the memorial swamp...and I'll tell you something that I've wondered at, too. As bad as he was, as skinny as she got, as fragile as she became mentally and emotionally, as nasty as parts of it were, he WAS easy, compared to a lot of stories I've read since. And it just boggles my mind at what others have gone, and are going, through with their own waywards, when his "easy" was really so tough!

I don't exactly have an explanation. OK, I don't have any explanation at all. But I have noted the same thing you picked up on, and can only marvel.

tl

Could someone please post a link here to Neak's 84 page thread? I started reading it last week and now cannot locate it.

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you, Stop. There were actually shorter PB's than mine, two that I know of. One, I forget which user, had a PB lasting less than 12 hours. That was impressive enough, till Zuj had one lasting about 45 minutes.

A short PB, from what I've seen, is fairly often a precursor to a FR. That doesn't have to be a bad thing for an average-bad WS, as long as the FR is dealt with so sternly and vigorously, and the bar set so much higher, that the WS is highly motivated to get completely serious.

At least for me, it took making some mistakes the first time around to get the bar high enough to protect our R. It hurt too badly for me to want to take any longer learning that all-important lesson, so I progressed quickly.

This is not to imply giving a free pass for one FR, not at all. They can be avoided if the bar is set high enough the first time, and enough time taken to see that a WS is serious about R. But if you're like me, and not quite bright enough to get 100% the first time around, the situation is still salvageable. Just don't let the FR thing become a habit.

Once is already too much, more than that means you don't have a WS who is serious about R, and you will need your own healing time before reaching a place where you can even decide about attempting further R. Even if your WS gives every sign of being ready at that point.