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1. My good feelings about who I am come from outside myself.
2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
3. Your struggle affects my serenity.
4. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain.
5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
6. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way.
7. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
8. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
9. I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want.
10. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
11. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
12. I use giving as a way of feeling important in our relationship.
13. My social circle diminishes as I become obsessed with your problems.
14. I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
15. The quality of my life is dependent on the quality of yours.
  
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...who said these things?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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...who said these things? I as wondering the same.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I am saying these things to myself. 
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PS:
I'm getting better. I have to stay on top of myself.
Mental dusting.
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11. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do. Letting go of this one has been the most challenging. (for me)
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PS:
I'm getting better. I have to stay on top of myself.
Mental dusting. Ok. Thank you for that. 
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I'm big on lists. They help me organize my thoughts.
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PS:
I'm getting better. I have to stay on top of myself.
Mental dusting. Ok. Thank you for that. Brainy - the MB radio show yesterday started me thinking.  Is the parent's main job to discipline the child, or make sure the child feels loved. Did you listen?
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Genetically, developmentally, historically:
discipline the child - FATHER
make sure the child feels loved - MOTHER
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PS:
I'm getting better. I have to stay on top of myself.
Mental dusting. Ok. Thank you for that. Brainy - the MB radio show yesterday started me thinking. Is the parent's main job to discipline the child, or make sure the child feels loved. Did you listen? Very interesting. I haven't yet, but I will.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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I'm big on lists. They help me organize my thoughts. Me too. I'm a list girl.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I don't just do this with my husband but with church or anyone I interact with. I scan their mood and see what I need to do or be.
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I don't just do this with my husband but with church or anyone I interact with. I scan their mood and see what I need to do or be. Have you been officially diagnosed with any disorder?
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No. I've just had one appointment with a counselor a couple of weeks ago and have one in 2 weeks... Maybe I should show her the list? My dad was manic depressive and could vasilate between being the life of the party one moment to cold and sarcastic the next. She said that I have gotten used to scanning my husband's moods and adjusting and that what I think he is thinking may not even be right. She said I needed to work on being more of an equal partner instead of treating him like he was my dad and I might get in trouble. ( Which is why I am a stay out of trouble liar) She said to own up to mistakes. So far I missed paying a bill on time and we had to pay a fine. Instead of hiding it, I showed it to him. He was fine with it..
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Counselors don't diagnose. Psychiatrists do. Just wondering.
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Counselors don't diagnose. Psychiatrists do. Just wondering. Exactly.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Aug 2012
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See that is why I posted on here on the other thread.. I don't even know if I should keep the appointment with the counselor... I don't think I have a disorder, but I don't know.. I'm just not sure what is even normal anymore and feel really confused.
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Joined: Oct 2000
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See that is why I posted on here on the other thread.. I don't even know if I should keep the appointment with the counselor... I don't think I have a disorder, but I don't know.. I'm just not sure what is even normal anymore and feel really confused. In my opinion, your issues are complex and not solvable by us well meaning folks on MB. We can be sympathetic, but not really all that helpful. You need real life help.
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