5. I am NOT opposed to the online program. HFM says that the $1,000 is tough because son needs braces, tuition, need kitchen remodel, etc. HFD says: on many levels, the $1,000 is cheaper on many levels than the alternative. (but doesn't a $1,000 expense need to be POJA'd)?

5. I am NOT opposed to the online program. HFM says that the $1,000 is tough because son needs braces, tuition, need kitchen remodel, etc. HFD says: on many levels, the $1,000 is cheaper on many levels than the alternative. (but doesn't a $1,000 expense need to be POJA'd)?

HFM, you need to agree to do the program. Your marriage is much more important to your son than braces or tuition. And it is immensely more important than a kitchen remodel. Having a great marriage is a quality of life issue that affects every area of your life. You guys cannot get away with do-it-yourself anymore. You need professional help. It will be the best $1000 you ever spent.

We will see how serious you really are, HFM.

Here are five ways a divorce impacts your pocketbook today and tomorrow, from Fraelich.

1. Legal Assistance. Attorney and mediator costs will run you in the thousands. Even if you think it will be an amicable divorce. These services are not inexpensive. The average cost of a divorce, including lawyer? Around $30,000. And that doesn�t count income going to ex-spouses post-divorce.

2. Childcare Expenditures. If children are involved, child support will need to be paid by the parent who doesn�t have sole custody of the kids. But for the one who does end up having sole custody of the children, keep in mind that it�s typically more expensive for you, since many costs pop up at the last minute and it�s tough to split everything like that with a former spouse.

�Child support may come into play in a divorce. If one spouse takes sole custody of the children, the other spouse will have to pay child support which is a state mandated amount scaled to pay levels typically. If the couple shares custody, then there may be no child support payments. But it�s tough to say what a man versus a woman pays in a divorce,� Fraelich told Forbes in an email on Tuesday. �It�s really about who is the breadwinner in the family. That is who would be required to pay the other spouse alimony or give more assets up in the split,� she said.

3. Uncle Sam. Tax brackets will change once you go from married filing jointly to head of household. Going from a joint filing status to a single filing status could increase your taxes. Be prepared for this so there are no surprises at tax time. Changes in taxes are now effecting women as much as men. Men are still the main income earner in most American households. But that�s changing.

�There are a lot of very high level professional women that have the same situation (as a man) following a divorce,� says Fraehlich. When it comes to cutting into their income for the IRS and now their ex-husband, the financial stress that comes with that is never ending. �It creates a lot of animosity with the new spouse�no matter man or woman,� she said.

4. Future Planning. Your plan for retirement has probably drastically changed now that you won�t have two people sharing the costs. It is usually helpful to get a retirement plan run by a professional, ensuring it includes the proposed settlement agreement, before you actually sign divorce paperwork. That way, you�ll know whether the numbers will work in the future for you, as well as today.

�Usually retirement accounts are split 50/50 in the divorce, although again the property settlement agreement may allow for more or less than that to go to the other spouse according the splitting of assets,� said Fraehlich.

5. Insurance Needs. Many couples don�t have long-term care insurance since they think their spouse will help take care of them. Once single again, long-term care insurance may need to be considered for those who are unable to self-insure that expense. Also, if you both agree you�d like long-term care, some companies offer �couples discounts� so it may be beneficial to apply and purchase the insurance before you decide to file any legal proceedings.

In tough times like these, divorce is becoming a luxury that many middle-income families � and even some upper-income families � find they can�t afford. Moreover, couples that haven�t managed their finances well when they were together often want to clean up their debt during divorce proceeding. That can be a challenge, forcing couples to slice into massive credit card debt by using retirement savings or even home equity to reduce the burden to a more manageable level if not zero it out all together.

Then there�s the couple whose incomes cannot afford living in two separate houses. When a couple is divorcing and one of them plans to keep the house, that spouse will need to refinance the house to remove the other spouse�s name from the deed and the mortgage. That�s not an easy task for lower income spouses dependent on child support to keep the lights on. Banks might also not see heart to heart as a divorce plays on.

2. About AOs: Do I have AOs? Yes.
Am I embarrassed by this and want to show my son to be a better man? Of course.
Am I working to fully eliminate that LB by reading and researching MB and the books? Yes.
Do I have one a day? No, I do not.

3. HFM also brings up the affair, talks about it, cries about it, etc. When she does, I engage her and listen and discuss as well, because she wants me to listen to her. It is meeting an EN to listen, but this practice is not good and I will end this.

I'm going to respond to a number of posts on my thread and HFM's thread.

1. About the trickle-truth: your information is incorrect. I was NOT and have NOT been hounding HFM for details about her affair.

6.When HFD has says "I feel that HFM....." I am told I'm making a DJ.

When HFM says "I feel that HFD....." her word is taken as gospel, the Truth (this apparent "look" I gave? I guess sharing my perspective of what happened would be a LB).

7.On our way to an appointment this AM, HFM began discussing her posts from last night, and she was visually bothered and upset and began discussing it and getting angry. To the point where HFM said: " I don't care if this marriage lasts or not, really."

She did apologize later, saying "Ignore what I said earlier...I'm due for my period and in a miserable mood."

But, since depression is NOT an LB, I guess it's my responsibility to tolerate that behavior.

1. About the trickle-truth: your information is incorrect. I was NOT and have NOT been hounding HFM for details about her affair. In March of 2013, after smelling a perfume she bought, HFM called me on her way to work that AM to tell me while I was in work details she had NEVER revealed before: that she and the POS had gone together to several hotels after work, and a "general" idea as far as what months this occurred (the perfume "triggered" her to remember). Fall of 2010 until Spring of 2013 for details to be revealed. I suppose I'm wrong because I had a reaction to this news.

Having an O&H discussion, it is correct that I left my W with the charge that should she remember anything else, I want to be told.

At the time I needed it...getting into recovery and trying to heal and reach the 2-year mark, it's something I did not revisit or clarify as I should have. I let it linger, and I left the door open for talk of the A.

Actually, I am quite aware of how many I am or are not having.

May I suggest that you consider the private coaching as a trial run. It"s cheaper to do a session, and it will give you a taste of how beneficial it can be. So far, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Actually, I am quite aware of how many I am or are not having.

The fact that I don't agree on the frequency suggests nothing but I disagree on the frequency. I'm allowed my perspective, as is HFM.

That you would assert that somehow you "know" that I haven't accepted what I need to do or that I am not serious comes across as a DJ, or at the very minimum, an inorrect assumption.

There is no excuse and no place for Lovebusters in a healthy marriage. I understand that.

I also know it seems I've been holding on to way too much resentment and hurt about the affair, and my feelings that EPs weren't put in place early on. That has to stop.

And it's time to get to the coaching center and get done what needs to get done to move this marriage to the place it could - and should - be.

Thank you.

(And yes, thanks, NG.)