Hello everyone,

I want to again thank MB and all my MB friends for the support you've given me. I came here and posted for 16 months as a divorced person who wanted to resurrect my marriage with my then exH. I'd asked for chances with him after DDay, but the answer was always a firm 'No'! I was the one who had an A, and I was the one who insisted he move out. He didn't know about the A until he'd been moved out for four months.

I came here and followed the principles, and basically did a plan 'A' on my husband, even though we were divorced.

After about 15 1/2 months of me coming here to MB and over THREE years of separation he asked me out. This was about six months after he told me he'd take baby steps with me, but I never saw much consistent, tangible results. I saw and experienced a lot of rejection and pushing away. It was the saddest part of my life. The whole A time was, too. Our first dates in December were rather stiff and cold, let's say it wasn't like the movies but that's fine. It all worked out okay in the end!

I never really gave up, although I felt I did at times just for self-preservation. I'm glad I never gave up. I'd been involved in a 4 year A, so my husband needed a lot of time.

This experience has taught me patience, patience, and more patience. It's taught me to 'self soothe', as Pepper says, and focus on other things besides my own wacky emotions.

All is going very well. We've been married over a month now. We had a short honeymoon, and we have two more trips planned in the next few months. All is/was beautiful! In a way it's like we were never apart, except we've learned much and grown up a lot too. Everything in our marriage is BETTER than it was before the split, and I mean EVERYTHING, and then some. All truths have been aired. He hasn't had interest in coming here to read, as it's behind us now. Of course he knows all about MB and my thoughts being shared here, and how many posts I have. He hasn't asked much about the A I had, but enough to satisfy him. Whatever he asks, I answer honestly. He prefers at this point to let it be. It did end 18 months ago, and he does know how miserable the whole thing was.

It was hard on me to help him move out of his apartment, and acknowledge again this whole other life he had for over three years. It's hard to explain the emotions I felt. Great joy in his return, but I feel awful still at times to have put him through all this. On the other hand, he was able to move on and create an identity as a single man. I never wanted to be single, so it was a different time for me than it was for him.

He still doesn't know what made him come back to me again. He says the cards and letters were not good at all. Mainly, he says it's time, time, time, and then when he finally agreed to 'go out' with me again, spend more time here, he felt better each time.

I've had to adjust a bit to the fact that he was a separated/divorced man for over three years, and thus has that identity professionally. I thank the Lord daily that no one else swept him away. He's very friendly, intelligent, and handsome. On top of that, he's caring and helpful, and very masculine. Like I mentioned earlier, he was involved with others a little bit during the time apart, but we've dealt with my feelings over that, and moved on. I was certainly no one to talk. And, it's good his walls weren't up completely. I did ask many questions about the two people, and heard answers that were painful to hear, but it's okay. It's all part of our history, and we both believe in radical honesty. I mailed the no-contact letter to the email/phone 'friend', and the other one was a blind date set up where he works. I don't care to run into her when I visit his work. If I do, I can handle it. That 'dating' time ended over 2 1/2 years ago. She was hurt by his dumping her, but then again she shouldn't have dated a married, but separated, man.

We now have two anniversary dates, although we're going to honor the first one mainly. In 2004 we'll have been married for 23 years! Yesterday someone asked us how long we'd been married (a salesperson) and he gave the 'old' number of years, not mentioning the 'new' remarriage. I think that's fine!

We're reading "His Needs, Her Needs" together, and parts of "Surviving an Affair". Not much though, just from time to time. They're wonderful books.

Thanks again for all your help and support. If you're struggling with a disinterested spouse, don't give up.

By the way, in mid- December my husband told some co-workers that he'd NEVER go back to me. He's admitted this to me. Just that short time ago, he was saying that. Bottom line- your spouse isn't lost, even if you're divorced. My husband filed, we divorced, and now we're together again. Love will prevail and endure if it's in God's plan and if you believe it and have patience. Until that person remarries someone else, it's possible.

Take care and thanks again to ALL of you for your love and support,

H_P

<small>[ February 09, 2004, 11:19 AM: Message edited by: hopeful_person ]</small>

H_P,

What a great post about you and your HHHHHHH . Man I love posting that without that lousy ex stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Just one last point on man speak. "He doth protest too much..." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think what he said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> that he'd NEVER go back to me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">was for HIS protection. My bet was that he knew he was vulnerable to you, and it bothered him to admit it. He didn't want to seem like a fool, again.

I is my deepest hope that you and your H have a very long and happy life together. You both have earned it.

God Bless,

JL

H_P

Thanks so much for coming back and updating us. Many of us have wondered how it was going for you. The answer is - GREAT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Congratulations and my prayers for continued happiness in your new-found relationship with your husband!

H_P,

Where's that :tears of joy: Graemlin when you need one. Congratulations and PTL. My prayers for you will contiunue.

If it's ok with you I'd like to copy this post over on the Prayer Forum. I sure everyone over there would like to know.

May many more blessings come your way. {{{{H_P}}}}

S&C

HP-

You have moved me to tears.

I am so happy for you.

H-P-

Bravo, well done!! Your persistence and hope is the stuff of legends and I hope you find all the happiness in the world. Your H sounds like a great guy too, give him a high-five from all of us here on MB!

H_P

All I gotta say is WHOOPEE!! I am so very happy for you. YOU DID IT. Good luck for the future.

Love
Sharon

Originally posted by hopeful_person:

This experience has taught me patience, patience, and more patience. It's taught me to 'self soothe', as Pepper says, and focus on other things besides my own wacky emotions.

One can only learn and practice self-soothing in a crisis!

It's been one of the most valuable and difficult things I've ever learned. I am by nature spontaneous and this patience patience patience was not something I welcomed easily into my style.

Now, when I'm in a crisis I try to breathe slowly and focus on my feet .... I assess if I am in any danger where I stand, if not, then I relax and self-soothe.

Pep

Beautiful! Congrats to both of you...I bet you both value what you lost and regained...may you treasure it always...awed

Wow! This is fantastic!

HP, you don't know how much your experience has impressed, moved, and helped me. I'm usually a fairly cynical, "glass-half-empty" type person, and as I read your ongoing struggles over the long months I was tempted to post. I would have said something like, "Get a life lady, and leave this poor man alone. He's choosen what he wants to do with his life, just like you chose how to lead your life. Haven't you ever heard of stalking!"

Thank God I didn't post anything like that! Not only does this demonstrate that I don't know a fraction of what I think I do, (probably obvious to everyone but me!), but that NEGATIVE POSTS CAN BE VERY DESTRUCTIVE.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with others. This just goes to show that with faith and love, we can perform miracles.

HopefulPerson, I am SO HAPPY for you and your H. Congratulations on your marriage! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

H_P! Glad to see your post!
I couldn't be happier for you. Your patience and persistance has been an inspiration to many of us here and has given us hope.
The warmth and light drew him back, let it continue to draw him even closer over time. Be good to him, H_P, and to yourself.

Ive been trying to think of something to say - but what can top your message? Nothing !

Keep saying your prayers, it works.

SS

I love coming back here and reading stuff like this.

Congrats and best of luck in your marriage!

ALS

Yay yay yay. HP, you are my hero.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <---- HP

E-mail me off-board at justj_mb@yahoo.com, if you would? I have a question.

What a great outcome.

Congratulations!

There is much to tell but first I would like to say your outcome is everything I'm hoping for....

I'm the one who has had the A I have done far worst than you but would love your guiedenc????????

If your willing......?

You do realize that this thread is from 2004 and Hopeful Person's last post was in 2005?

Your best bet would to post to your own thread and the many fantastic posters will guide you.

But you need to quit the pity party and pull up your big girl panties. Posters will see right through you.

Are you sure you're not doing this just to get to your XBH?