I know everyone here likes you to stick to one thread, but I felt the change in mine required a switch in boards and new thread.

It has been awhile since I posted and at my last posting I said my husband was talking of leaving. He left for a short time and returned. I really felt like something was up with his behavior so I majorly stepped up looking. I discovered some irrefutable evidence that he had had an affair. He admitted to it when confronted and admitted the affair had led to a son. He refused to take steps for complete transparency and ending contact saying it had ended and at this time he was trying to just remain a father to his son.

After a week the OW found out I knew and the extent of his lies and told him he could not see his son without going to court. This threw him into a depressive state and he ended up moving out all of a sudden with no warning this past Monday. Once again claiming he wasn't happy and needed space and would stay with a friend.

As it turns out the friend as you guessed is OW and they have resumed their affair. I had exposed to family when first finding out and thinking it had ended. With this renewal of it it has now been exposed far and wide to family again and friends. DH is very angry so I guess it has hit him like it was supposed to.

I have given him my requirements for a return to our marriage. I am seeking to speak with a lawyer for advice and custody of DD because WH thinks it is perfectly okay for him to see her at OW's, letting OW care for DD while he works. With that I am working out how to go into Plan B. I am finding figuring this out difficult.

Any tips from those with children on how to do a good plan B? How do you work out pick up/drop off of your kids and needing to communicate about issues regarding them?

Any other help from anyone on what I also should do to help me would be great.

Hi mariposa, I am sorry to hear this latest turn of events. Dr Harley has very specific advice when there is an OC [other child] involved. The first, and most ideal, option is that your H agree to never see the child or the OW again. If eliminating the child from your lives can't be done, then all communications regarding the child should be transmitted via a 3rd party for life. Neither of you should ever have any contact with the OW for life. If it were me, I would make it a condition that he NEVER see the child in order to continue in the marriage. Reason being, every time you see the child, you will be reminded of the affair. It is a nightmare existence for most. In marriages where there is no contact with the OC, the recovery is much, much healthier and complete.

The basic principle is that the marriage and the children of marriage must be protected first and having an OC and OW hanging around jeopardizes the marriage.

Secondly, having a baby daddy hang lurking around makes it harder for the OW to find a husband who can father the child. So everyone benefits when Baby daddy just hits the road.

For your current situation, I would suggest a few things. First off is to NEVER EVER allow your own children to be exposed to his filthy, vile affair. He is teaching your children to be as immoral and corrupt as HIMSELF and you can't have that. So, don't allow your children to visit him unless it is without skanky. PERIOD.

I would get that issue settled TODAY. NOW. And tell your children that their dad is leading an immoral, corrupt lifestyle. The moral confusion they feel must be enormous. They know this is wrong yet they have adults telling them that wrong is right. They shouldn't be put in a position to have to figure out right from wrong in their 30's by reading books because their parents failed in their duty.

Next step would be to file for divorce and get legal protection. You are in a very precarious legal situation with the OC situation. If the OW filed for child support, her child will have first dibs on CS and yours will come SECOND. So get legal protection and tell your lawyer to put in the papers that your children are never to be exposed to his affair partners.

After you clear the matter of the visitation [do this today] I would work on going into Plan B as soon as you can. Get an intermediary, arrange child exchanges, separate bank accounts, etc. Read through this and get all your ducks in a row: here

Go read through all the links in this post - it is from the Pregnancy forum: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2445081#Post2445081