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Bwa-haa-haa-haa! My thesaurus cannot be isolated from my perusal. It's on my phone, my tablet, my laptop---it's EVERYWHERE!(Actually, it sits entirely above my shoulders, which would make removing it...messy!But while you're here, ME, I would put to you the same question: Sometime, probably early in the post-discovery phase, did Mrs E accept the necessity of following your chosen plan?
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Sometime, probably early in the post-discovery phase, did Mrs E accept the necessity of following your chosen plan? I'm one of the lucky ones, as BSs go. She defogged on DDay. It took me a couple of days to find MB, but once I did, she went out and bought SAA and HNHN on her own. She took the lead in reading those books together with me. She also started posting to the forum first. So, our chosen plan was really a joint decision.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Q: Did Mrs E accept the necessity of following your chosen plan?
A: It took me a couple of days to find MB, but once I did, she went out and bought SAA and HNHN on her own.
So, in effect, "Yes, she bought into the plan almost immediately." Fair?
Three for three!
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Q: Did Mrs E accept the necessity of following your chosen plan?
A: It took me a couple of days to find MB, but once I did, she went out and bought SAA and HNHN on her own.
So, in effect, "Yes, she bought into the plan almost immediately." Fair?
Three for three! Why don't you write Dr. Harley and you guys can pool data?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Out of how many hundreds? It should be noted that this immediate repentance of a WW is not typical. Most Betrayed Husbands must spend quite some time in Plan A winning their WWs back.
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Q: Did Mrs E accept the necessity of following your chosen plan?
A: It took me a couple of days to find MB, but once I did, she went out and bought SAA and HNHN on her own.
So, in effect, "Yes, she bought into the plan almost immediately." Fair?
Three for three! That is certainly NOT typical, though. It is ATYPICAL when it comes to a WW. You can expect a WW to be foggy and unremorseful. And the marriage can still recover. Not so when it comes to a WH!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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we won't be seeing you any more until you apologize and it never happens again. My MIL was very disrespectful to me after my AO to her. You have an angry oburst and expect your target to apologize? To have a disagreement is one thing. To no longer participate/here/discuss something is one's right. After giving someone a verbal blasting then to demand an apology is something else. Is mule backwards what it is.
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we won't be seeing you any more until you apologize and it never happens again. My MIL was very disrespectful to me after my AO to her. You have an angry oburst and expect your target to apologize? To have a disagreement is one thing. To no longer participate/here/discuss something is one's right. After giving someone a verbal blasting then to demand an apology is something else. Is mule backwards what it is. Huh? This makes no sense.
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Guys, please take your debate to another thread.
Thank you.
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Guys, please take your debate to another thread.
Thank you. Sorry, 20year, I just saw this. My apologies.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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the "debate" has been moved to its own thread per original poster's request
mbsurvivor11@gmail.com
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For those who complete my program of marital recovery, 100% find the experience to be more than helpful -- it solves their marital problems. But just like in dieting, the successful outcome depends entirely on motivation. Only those who are not motivated enough to complete the program fail. I can see how 100% of people can find the program helpful and solve their marital problems. We have experienced this. However, I think there is a distinction between this concept and overcoming an A. I have felt for a long time that MB helped us solve all of our marital problems. The question is really, does R from an A fall into the category of 'marital problems' (obviously is does) but it could have a category all of its own? What I mean is eliminating LB's, the meeting of EN's, using POJA and PORH etc..have helped us solve the traditional challenges we had in our prior M. Specifically, to a certain degree, I see the solving of our marital problems as a separate issue then dealing with the fallout of the A. Notwithstanding the A, our M has never been better....if we had only found MB before this nightmare started, I can't help to wonder how great our life might be right now. The problem now isn't 'solving our traditional marriage problems'..it is working through the devastation of the A. Would you say you're in love with your wife? If not, maybe increasing UA time would help get you away from "affair think." The mechanics can all be in place, but if there isn't enough time spent on the EN's, then there won't be emotional fulfillment. Without emotional connectedness, you may be prone to dwell.
xFWW(me)-48
Married-14 years
D-Day~23-May-11
NC- 14-Apr-11
1 DS 15
Online course July '11 to July '12
17 sessions with S. Harley Feb '12 to Sep '12
Divorced Jan 21, 2013
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Well, 16 years ago today, I promised to love and cherish Clearmind for life.
I intend to keep that promise.
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Congrats, XXYH!
Just celebrated 16 yrs ourselves
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Well, 16 years ago today, I promised to love and cherish Clearmind for life.
I intend to keep that promise. Congratulations!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Well, 16 years ago today, I promised to love and cherish Clearmind for life.
I intend to keep that promise. 
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Well, 16 years ago today, I promised to love and cherish Clearmind for life.
I intend to keep that promise. Is this your question? Radio Clip of 12-10-13 Show Segment #2
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We just passed the 2 year threshold and I am amazed how Dr. Harley's program is paying off. Resentment is fading and our M is very strong. Overall, I am pleased to say our R is going quite well!
Still working through some things that come up from time to time but we are learning how to solve our problems in a positive way.
However, we still have the looming issue with her folks. From the beginning, they never took a stand against their daughters choices and never spoke out against it. Soon after D-day, I reached out to them to ask for their assistance but help never came.
About a year ago Clearmind and I POJA'd to not go to the town in which the A occurred. HUGE trigger for me. Unfortunately, that is where her folks live.
Needless to say, they are not understanding with our decision and are taking it quite personal. We have tried to explain the situation to them and have tried to brainstorm solutions in which we can reunite our family. They will not engage in the conversation.
About 8 months ago (after numerous interactions with both clearmind and myself) a situation occurred in which some statements were made by them that were extremely upsetting to me.
On the heals of 3 years of disappointment from my side about them, I reacted with an angry outburst on them. It was really the last straw in my book. I was dead wrong in how I handled it. Since that time, I have apologized several times and have tried my best to mend the fence.
I have always been hurt by the fact that they never took a stand against their daughters behavior. There has never been an acknowledgement as to the pain an suffering myself and our children have endured.
This has caused a great deal of resentment from me to them.
They can't wrap their heads around us not coming up to their home and they refuse to come to our home. Additionally, I have never felt from the beginning that clearmind really explained how they hurt me and the reasons why I feel the way I do about them.
They seem to come off as they are making it all about them not respecting what clearmind and I are going through.
So, we are stuck. We are going to ask for Dr. Harley's advice.
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They "refuse" to come to your home?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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They "refuse" to come to your home? Yep. That is a fact. They said that they never felt welcome and that they don't think I ever liked them. I never felt that way and always thought that we had a good relationship.
Last edited by 20YearHistory; 03/05/14 09:41 AM.
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by BrainHurts - 10/19/24 03:02 PM
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