Thanks Pepper. Twice confirmed now.

Distant family updates, tons of family photos there, I am facebook administrator for our church and media director, and my W has full access to all logins (including the church accounts) and history. She "likes" my statuses pretty much everyday. I think I am ok there.

I had a Facebook account and received a lot of support on it from family.
I only have family members as Facebook friends.

She likes your status?

That's a good sign in plan A

She sure does! I have constantly communicated to her my belief that our marriage will be restored. So, I often post a scripture or message that reflects my faith in that. I know she picks up on my posts because they aren't just random scripture/messages, and she often likes them along with several other mutual freinds. A couple of them are aware of our situation.

I am receiving a ton of support from others. Lots of people have been alerted to pray fervently for us thanks to Facebook. I even befriended a soldier currently stationed in Afganistan who is going through a very simliar situaion and we are both enouraging and praying for one another several times thoughout the day. It has been a great medium for me during this tough time.

This is more for lurkers, but Wow is absolutely correct. A WS who has had history of online affairs and is serious about EPs and R should not have a FB account.

hmmm� I will just ask her about it, letting her know I am willing to delete if needed. My guess is she would be more suspicious about my activity if I were not on FB. I also use the "check-in" feature often that notifies her directly about my whereabouts.

ASK your wife BEFORE you tag her photo.
Just saying, avoid independent behaviors.
Assume she would want to know first.

Carry on .....

That would be a good idea. At the very least, you shouldn't have any females on there that aren't family members.

Independent Behavior love-buster <~~~ I think THIS is the most common love buster in many "good" marriages. Also, the love-buster that can lead to secrets & lies & hidden lifestyle choices.

Yep, I need to pick LB's and start reading again.

Thanks for this Pepper, I have been tagging her in recent pics of our children without even 2nd guessing.

You're welcome DNT. Your family is in my prayers.

Just curious what you thought of this since you didn't comment on it or Jedi's comment that he only had female family members giving him support also...

I've been sputtering with the process of removing nonfamily females over the course of a few weeks now. I began by removing those that were active in my feed. With everything going on I have yet to go into my list and remove the less active non-family female friends. I plan to finish the job of clean-up TONIGHT!

I would definitely ask your BW about FB, how she feel and how she feels about it. DO NOT tag her in any more pictures without her consent.

This would also be a good way to communicate with her and deposit LB's while showing her that you are going to check with her on everything you do. It is also good practice for you!!!

Get rid of any females that are not family...this should have been done a long time ago.

My H originally told me he was fine with my FB page so I kept it even though he got rid of his right away. I didn't think anything of it. I got rid of just about everyone except family and very close girl friends. In fact my H put mine on his phone and I honestly felt like he was on it more than I was.

One night however he expressed to me that the fact that I had an FB account really bothered him and made him feel unsafe. I had no clue!!! I also completely got rid of it the next day.

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to restart and make things better. Keep doing what you are doing and make sure you read and reread Dr. H's books (I learn something new every time).

I have hope for you no matter what happens I feel you will have a new respect for your wife, family and children.

Absolutely get rid of non family members.
My wife's affair started on Facebook.
I am not a fan of it; the company doesn't have a feature for a joint account.

I use it to post pics of my kids for relatives (especially my parents and siblings) to see.

Been a while since I checked in... I am proud to say that I deleted my Facebook account. I didn't even bother discussing with my BS. I began to read too much into the posts the she "liked" regarding marriage. Many of them communicated things that were a problem in our marriage. She "liked" a couple of posts that resembled hope, but more of the former than latter. I must say that it is very "freeing". We have began attending our court ordered Parallel Parenting and Conflict Resolution classes. Today will be 2 of 12 ordered classes. I must say that it feels like DEATH sitting in a room full of couples that have already divorced and people who have been going through the process for years. The instructor ironically is a very good licensed and marital therapist. I spoke with her over the phone briefly after our first session about seeking counseling in addition to our class. She indicated that we would have an opportunity to address the marriage as part of the regular curriculum, but informed me that I be realistic about the expectations. I understand, but I also have to be realistic about my expectations in God restoring our marriage. Keep me lifted in your prayers that the stone is removed from wife's heart in the midst of all of this.

Please describe your plan A activity daily here

Thanks Jedi - will do! I could really use some guidance.

Guess I will start with yesterday. We had class 3 of 12 of our court ordered Parallel Parenting and Conflict Resolution. Earlier in the morning I emailed a link to a song both she and I like to say I was thinking of her and love her. There was no response. There hasn't been any response to any subtle expressions of love. After class I took a step back by committing a LB. I asked if we could talk later. She responded "what about?" as if she wasn't interested in anything I have to say unless it's of critical matter...such giving my 5 yr old a hair cut for his kindergarten graduation on Thurs. Mind you my oldest, whom she left hanging graduates from HS on Saturday. Lots of family will be in town and learning of "new" relationship status. Any who I felt her defensiveness was unwarranted. We'd had a good week with pleasant exchanges and so forth. I mentioned that we still should talk and we must have a sense of relationship, because after all that is what is being taught to us in the class. She dug in deeper and stated she didn't need anther "class from me". I took a deep breather, shook my head, looked into her eye and said "this is just wrong". Something is not right about not even wanting to discuss the many upcoming things and business to consider. Our house is under contract to be sold (praise God for that miracle!) In "talking" about my displeasure with my needing to have a critical matter in order for us to talk, I caught myself becoming agitated. I know she was agitated as well. I implied that I felt that she was avoiding me. She stated in so many words that she was and that's her choice. I agreed! At that point I simply calmed myself...said ok, hopefully later we can talk and got in my truck and left in whatever peace there was to retain. Earlier this morning I sent a text saying that I was sorry for our exchange on last night... I told her I sensed she'd had a long day and stressful day and that I was sorry if I added to the stress. I end with saying "let me know if I can do anything to help, love you". As usual no response.

I will check back in later as I may get around to giving my DS a haircut. If so, I will either go to her place or she'll come to my place. BTW - we live virtually 3 blocks from one another...and I like that

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