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Joined: May 2013
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Hello, I dated my husband 4 years and have been married only since Nov. I have been around my husband for much of my adult life through mutual friends. We have 2 beautiful children 17 mo and 6 mo. I also have 2 stepchildren 6 and 8. I never imagined I would be on a forum as this asking for people's advice but here is my story. I have a wonderful, loving, thoughtful husband whom I have known has been experiencing PTSD for some time now. I sent him to see a therapist which we thought helped for a little bit but the nightmares and depression have started again. So today he sits me down and breaks out in tears telling me that when he was 5 yrs old, he was sexually abused by a babysitter that was 16. He only remembers slight details but he remembers and is now having nightmares about this on top of the nightmares of war. He has always been on the sexually aggressive side and we have had extensive conversations about it. He tells me he has been feeling so empty inside and had even been thinking about suicide (he tells me he would never follow through). Then the whole day he just seems strange. Well in March I sent him to one of his army friends retirement parties thinking it would be a great way to sit down with people who experienced what he had and try to talk about things that happened to them. Today he tells me during the retirement party he met a woman there and had a one night affair. As he is telling me this he is tearful stating he knows he destroyed our family and is so in love with me. I know he loves us and I feel he is happy with our life. He also tells me he has been watching pornography all the time. He said he can't understand it. He says he feels so empty inside and when he looks in the mirror he can't even see himself anymore. Where I have always said I would never stay with someone that betrayed me this way and I am dying inside, I feel like it may hurt more to leave. I do love him and he is a good man. I didn't fall in love with the someone he is describing to me. Do you think this is a part of PTSD from his childhood? I feel like I am reaching far for a excuse to validate his actions!!!!
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Joined: Mar 2010
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Hello, I dated my husband 4 years and have been married only since Nov. I have been around my husband for much of my adult life through mutual friends. We have 2 beautiful children 17 mo and 6 mo. I also have 2 stepchildren 6 and 8.
I never imagined I would be on a forum as this asking for people's advice but here is my story. I have a wonderful, loving, thoughtful husband whom I have known has been experiencing PTSD for some time now. I sent him to see a therapist which we thought helped for a little bit but the nightmares and depression have started again.
So today he sits me down and breaks out in tears telling me that when he was 5 yrs old, he was sexually abused by a babysitter that was 16. He only remembers slight details but he remembers and is now having nightmares about this on top of the nightmares of war.
He has always been on the sexually aggressive side and we have had extensive conversations about it. He tells me he has been feeling so empty inside and had even been thinking about suicide (he tells me he would never follow through). Then the whole day he just seems strange.
Well in March I sent him to one of his army friends retirement parties thinking it would be a great way to sit down with people who experienced what he had and try to talk about things that happened to them. Today he tells me during the retirement party he met a woman there and had a one night affair. As he is telling me this he is tearful stating he knows he destroyed our family and is so in love with me.
I know he loves us and I feel he is happy with our life. He also tells me he has been watching pornography all the time. He said he can't understand it. He says he feels so empty inside and when he looks in the mirror he can't even see himself anymore.
Where I have always said I would never stay with someone that betrayed me this way and I am dying inside, I feel like it may hurt more to leave. I do love him and he is a good man. I didn't fall in love with the someone he is describing to me.
Do you think this is a part of PTSD from his childhood? I feel like I am reaching far for a excuse to validate his actions!!!! Welcome to MB. No, I do not believe that this is because of PTSD from his childhood. I am aware of men who have been molested as a child, and have never had a one night stand. Your husband had a one night stand because he has poor boundaries around women. Does he have any contact with this woman at all?
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Hello, I dated my husband 4 years and have been married only since Nov. I have been around my husband for much of my adult life through mutual friends. We have 2 beautiful children 17 mo and 6 mo. I also have 2 stepchildren 6 and 8. I never imagined I would be on a forum as this asking for people's advice but here is my story. I have a wonderful, loving, thoughtful husband whom I have known has been experiencing PTSD for some time now. I sent him to see a therapist which we thought helped for a little bit but the nightmares and depression have started again. So today he sits me down and breaks out in tears telling me that when he was 5 yrs old, he was sexually abused by a babysitter that was 16. He only remembers slight details but he remembers and is now having nightmares about this on top of the nightmares of war. He has always been on the sexually aggressive side and we have had extensive conversations about it. He tells me he has been feeling so empty inside and had even been thinking about suicide (he tells me he would never follow through). Then the whole day he just seems strange. Well in March I sent him to one of his army friends retirement parties thinking it would be a great way to sit down with people who experienced what he had and try to talk about things that happened to them. Today he tells me during the retirement party he met a woman there and had a one night affair. As he is telling me this he is tearful stating he knows he destroyed our family and is so in love with me. I know he loves us and I feel he is happy with our life. He also tells me he has been watching pornography all the time. He said he can't understand it. He says he feels so empty inside and when he looks in the mirror he can't even see himself anymore. Where I have always said I would never stay with someone that betrayed me this way and I am dying inside, I feel like it may hurt more to leave. I do love him and he is a good man. I didn't fall in love with the someone he is describing to me. Do you think this is a part of PTSD from his childhood? I feel like I am reaching far for a excuse to validate his actions!!!! Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain. Have you read this? Start Here First-Welcome Aboard
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
Also, is this OW married?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 4 |
He tells me he doesn't even know who she is. I am always on his emails and I got on his facebook without him knowing and I don't see any signs of anyone. This happened out of state from where we live so I know its not someone in his everyday life. This is the first time this has happened....so he says.....
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 4
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 4 |
I don't know. We don't know her. Just some random woman from a retirement party.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
He tells me he doesn't even know who she is. I am always on his emails and I got on his facebook without him knowing and I don't see any signs of anyone. This happened out of state from where we live so I know its not someone in his everyday life. This is the first time this has happened....so he says..... Do you have spyware on his phone and computer?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 4 |
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
Can you put it on? You need to find out what he's doing. Have you both been tested for STDs?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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