Hi everyone I am back with an update. I used to be on here years ago when my husband had his first affair which was completely devastating and I am still in �recovery� over. Things had been ok between me and hubby, or at least I thought it was for many years. I recently discovered that he has been having a month, to two month long affair with a woman nearly half my age. They have been meeting up to express their love all over this tiny town I live in. I feel like a fool every time I go out to buy groceries. I have had emotions all over the place from begging, to screaming, to denial that it would be ok, to now I am having thoughts of calling it quits and am not sure I want to be in the marriage anymore.

He says it�s broken off with her and I did to disclosure with her significant other. I called him up and told him most of what that they have been up to. There�s some weirdness in that situation but more on that later I guess the gist of it is this guy her SO I think is lying to me or she�s feeding him lies. I think that is the case but I am not sure, I am kind of confused about that situation.

It�s supposedly broken off and I have installed a tracking device on his phone that logs SMS MMS data and the works. It also works as kind of a lo jack so I know where he is at (unless it�s not getting the correct signal.) So far I am so freaked out and have so much anxiety that I can�t eat or sleep. I average about 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night even with Zquil.

He says he wants to make it work and go to counseling but I have my doubts and am not sure if this is really recoverable. I don�t know at this point if I can ever trust him with my heart again and I don�t think I deserved this.

I guess that�s about all I know right now. Plus I wanted to talk about some other stuff sort of a life update for anyone who knew me back then. Last year I signed up for a small community college and I am doing well. So far I have a perfect 4.0 even though they are lower level classes. I have a sense of accomplishment and I like school (I made the promise to my friends on marriage builders that when I felt well enough to go to school that I would; and I keep my word). I am also a new grandmother as my second oldest now has a son of his own.

A lot has happened that I would like to update later, but right now my mind is baked. I apologize if this don�t make perfect sense and I know I have probably broken every rule of writing and would make my English teacher ashamed lol.

Welcome back, Hopes.
Do you remember your previous posting name?

Hi
I do remember it but I don�t want to give it out for fear of being recognized. I fear that if someone from this town linked the two together it would make for some juicy reading and I am humiliated enough already from my husband kissing his girlfriend all over town in the public view. At least if I am recognized I don�t have to have them know all the juicy details of both affairs. I hope that makes sense.

Here's how to get up to speed quickly with Dr. Harley's plan of recovery. Look through and take note of the pieces of this plan that were not put in place the last time. You can't recover without them.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi1001_infidelity0.html (video)
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/mb2.cfm?recno=4&sublink=33 (30 articles you need to read through)

Not really, since you will need to expose this affair in order to recover. You can see from my sig that I have been through betrayal twice, too. If I had followed the MB plan the first time, the second one would have never happened. Don't repeat the mistake of protecting his secret second life. You have done nothing to feel humiliated for.

Welcome back to MB.

Please read this. Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

When are you going to do a full exposure?

I am sorry I can't do that. Without giving away too much this is kind of the situation. The OW SO is in sort of a position of authority and gossip spreads. Also if I am to be able to get a job and support myself I can't have this all on me.

Also when I exposed him to the OW SO it didn't go as I would have hoped. He said some stuff that was supposedly said about me during the affair. Things like I am crazy, that he basically is just my keeper. That hubby is putting up adds online for meeting women, And claims of some texts messages that I am not sure could have happened with that tracking software. That's how I thought he was lying and got angry cause I think I should have seen them texts right? I don't know. I don't know if he has another phone or some other way to text her.

Anyway I basically thought that the OW SO was lying to me or maybe the OW is feeding him lies. I got mad about it. Really I don't know who is lying to me. Hubby got mad at what the OW SO said and wanted his phone number. I am open and honest and gave it to him. There were some not so nice communication between them. So now I don't know if I can contact him anymore. I think the OW SO might be mad I gave hubby his phone number but I am very vulnerable and I don't want to keep secrets with the OW SO so I felt it best that all be laid out on the table. I am confused about this situation it makes my head hurt.

I am thinking of disclosing to his work but she don't work with him. He mostly texted from work to her and called her. I don't know what else he did while he was there. He says no hidden email accounts. I am not tech savvy enough to figure all this out.

all the more reason to expose. You want the truth out there.

I take it you didn't expose the first time around, either?

Maybe I am just crazy and he is my keeper. I wound up in a hospital twice. I am ashamed of that too.

Have you read any of the links we posted to you?

Have you been to your doctor for ADs? You need to be able to sleep. How are you eating? Exercising?

No I have not been to the dr. yet. I have to go to be checked for diseases anyway so I will talk to one then. I am sorry I fell apart there. I am a wreck. I have made the decision to divorce hubby. There's no fixing this and if all I get in this marriage is the feeling of being miserable I can do that all by myself.

I think its just a little too late. But thanks. I will tell him my decision and probably be moving on to the divorce forum.

No one will fault you for filing D because of his multiple affairs.

Have you told your children?

BrainHurts is right - nobody will fault you for getting away from this to protect yourself. If your husband were to really, really turn around and do the things that this program requires on his own, there is a chance that he alone could change your mind. But if he's not willing to do that, completely repentant, hat in hand, there is no way attempting to recover with him will be safe, and you have nothing to lose by filing for divorce.

No I have not told the kids yet. I am older now and most of my kids are grown. I have one still young one but he will be grown up before long.

I don't think there is any chance of recovery. The last affair I dragged him kicking and screaming the whole way. I tried a million books I tried everything.

I really loved him too and I thought we had something really special but to be blindsided again just as I try to stand up on my own two feet and make something out of myself. You see, every time I try to go to school he has an affair. Its like he don't want me to be anything but right here under his thumb.

I thought this was going be our fun golden years. Kids nearly all grown, time to have fun. Maybe go places together or go see the ocean or something. I didn't see this affair coming. I don't know what happened. I just cant allow him to do this to me again.

He's basically asking me to stay with him but I don't really want to because I cant let this happen to me again. I referred him to this site but I am not doing any heavy lifting and I really don't see this marriage working.

I figure I have a lot of work to do on my self even though I did change a lot since the last affair. I want to get my degree and be successful. I am tired of crawling on my belly to please a man. I want what he stole from me back. I want to be myself and to have confidence in myself.

Dr. Harley suggests not even trying to recover with a wayward husband who acts like that. It is just too hard on the wife.

I agree with markos.

Have you contacted a lawyer to protect yourself?

Hopes, what makes you think someone from your small town is going to recognize you on this site?

We ask about your previous posting name so we can see what, exactly, you did to recover your marriage from the last adulterous onslaught. If you don't wish to post your previous name, could you tell us when you were here last and what you did to recover your marriage from the last adulterous episode?

I am personally worried that you were here during a time when the posters were basically blogging and trading recipes. What I have read from more than a few years back from the time I've been here are posters who were using the site to gab and were totally missing Dr. Harley's very specific directions for recovering from an affair. Was this the case with you?

I understand that you don't want gossip to spread. This isn't about gossip - it's about truth. You need to expose the affair so the facts are out there. Do you understand the concept of exposure?

Exposure ended my H's affair THAT DAY.

Have you snooped on your WH's computer? Done any looking to see what he's up to? Tell us what you have done to confirm the extent of the affair.

That's entirely your choice, friend.

If you decide you want to try to recover your marriage, please let us know. We have tools here to kill affairs and recover marriages, but the choice is yours.

Let us know