friends on both sides and my family know. really, it's just his parents that don't know. they're elderly, middle eastern, they would probably encourage him to leave. as it is, my mil blames me and says if i took care of my marriage this wouldn't have happened.

my WH is mostly upset that i actually had sex with someone else (it was only once). he has a hard time with it, but we both feel like we can easily move past what has happened in the past (we were both in a fog simultaneously) and what matters most is what happens from here on out.

Didn't you say you had an affair in Nov, 2012?

yes. since i acknowledged that here, i was answering the question as if it were "other affairs in our pasts".

Can't you call him at home or at work? Have you looked up his address on whitepages.com?

And yes, I would show him any evidence that you have, but the best evidence you have is your husbands admission.

Also, I would not forewarn your H before you expose his affair.

can someone point me to the nc letter samples? i'm running out and can't find them.

I posted this already to you.

mimi,

Did your affair occur before your WH's, I'm a bit unsure. Have you given your BH complete disclosure?

What exposure was done on the OM, does he still work for the heath club, or did your BH get him fired, frankly your BH should go after his license?

God Bless
Gamma

Did your affair occur before your WH's, I'm a bit unsure. Have you given your BH complete disclosure?

my WH's affair was already a year in when i had my affair. yes, i've given him absolutely every detail. i left the gym and told my AP that i told WH. my WH is free to do as he wishes with regards to my AP, i'm not protecting him.

thank you for the NC letter, i knew if was in here but i couldn't find it. they have mutual friends that they discuss each other with, i plan to add a line about not contacting those friends for updates. we discussed emailing it to her - i'm thinking i should be cc'd on it?

Did you expose his affair?

You're welcome.

You should read and approve it before he sends it out. Yes it would also be good that she see that you're cc'd on it.

Then your WH needs to change all contact information and you should block her email address also. She may try and contact you.
Better yet, mailing it to her certified is even better. Then you know she received it.


How is exposing on OW's side coming along? Did you find her family on FB?

Mimi, I wouldn't say anything about her talking to those friends. [you guys can't control that so it is unrealistic to ask] Rather, your husband needs to drop any mutual friends. Neither of you should hang with anyone who hangs with her.

I would mail it to her home TOGETHER. Put it in an envelope and drive to the post office and mail it to her.

Is your OM married?

Is your OM married?
no

mimi,

You wrote,i'm not protecting him.

Yes but what have you done to expose the OM or at the very least get him fired from the position of trust he does not have the professional ethics to deserve.

While I would agree that your WHs offenses are much greater than yours, you still need to do your share to give your BH just compensation for what you have done. This is cleaning up your side of the street.

There is something particularly revolting btw about conceited and in shape male trainers. I've found them often to be scientific illiterates who think they have some intuition for medicine and nutrition.

Your BH may never feel that he can be attractive to you again as a result of the contrast between BH and this "trainer".

God Bless
Gamma

i couldn't find sample letters for the AP's spouse ( i know they'r here somewhere).
this is what i have so far, i wasn't sure how much info to give.

Dear xxxx,
My name is xxxx, I am the wife of xxxx. I am writing to let you know that xxxx and xxxx have been having an affair for at least a year and a half. I found out about the affair on March 19th and they are both aware that I know. I'm sorry I didn't contact you sooner.
My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have 2 young children. We both love each other very much and intend to repair our marriage from this disaster. Doing so, would require that xxxx and xxxx no longer have any contact, the past 2 months have proved that to be difficult.
Feel free to contact me if you wish to discuss further. I can also share any evidence that I have with you.

Sincerely,
xxxxx


If you wish to contact me, my email address is xxxxxxxx or you can call me at xxxxxxx

is there a good sample letter for her parents? i think her mom knows already and encouraged her because my WH is much more successful than her BF. i want to be sure to convey to them that this was an intact family with young children that she would be destroying. (would you want your daughter to be labeled a homewrecker?)

Mimi, it is a good idea to CALL the SO of the affair partner, especially when there is an OW involved. OW are devious cats and have been known to intercept many exposure letters and RESPOND as if they are the betrayed spouse. When that happens, they are forewarned and will take steps to block access. You need to strike hard the first time and get through directly to him.

I don't have a specific letter for an OW Mom, but you can use any of the templates and just fashion it for your situation. If she has a facebook page, I would hit her other relatives and some married friends, too.

i've tried and tried, he has such a generic hispanic name that i can't find a phone number. i'm going to send it thru facebook - BUT i'm also sending it to his sisters. the letter for her parents, i can either hand deliver (risky, she works nearby) or mail.

unfortunately, she knew i was checking her fb page and locked all friends lists and photos - i can only get thru to one friend. i will be texting her co-workers as well since they know my WH.

i'm not sure though, what to do for my WH's side. everyone knows at this point. his old boss, who he respects, left his own wife for another woman (they're still married) - would these people knowing be helpful?

this is what i have for her parents: good or bad?


Dear xxxx and xxxx,
My name is xxxxx and I am writing to let you know that your daughter, xxxxx, has been having an affair with my husband, xxxxxx, for a year and a half.

We have been married for 11 years and have 2 young children, ages 6 and 8. Contrary to what may have been thought, at no point were my husband and I planning to divorce. We love each and our family very much and it was not until xxxxx entered our lives that we started having problems in our marriage.

My husband and I are going to stay together and work through this devastation that has taken place. In order to do so, xxxxx must stay away from my husband and no longer contact him. We would appreciate if you could encourage her to not have any contact with him and convey to her that the life of a homewrecker is not what you intend for your daughter.

If you wish to contact me, you can email me at xxxxxxx or call me at xxxxxx

Thank You,
xxxxxxx

You never know who will be helpful. If you use the talking points and ask them for help, they may come through for you. It can't hurt to give them the facts and ask for help. His old boss sounds like a real creep. That is a relationship I would seriously consider cutting out of your lives. Anyone who doesn't support your marriage can be toxic to your marriage.