Probably go a little after depending on her responsiveness. I don't really have a deadline set. I've dealt with so much pain I didn't think was possible, I know I can take more without cracking. And women need like 6 months of Plan A anyway from what I recall.

Plan A All the way FTW! I want that beautiful sexy woman I married to come back, the woman I chose to be the mother of my kids, the woman I know is in there somewhere.

Had a talk with my bishop today. We discussed things i need to do to get back on a more righteous path. Got some great advice and some good parenting tips too. Lived the bent nail principle.

You can throw it away or you can straighten it. And when you try to
straighten you get better results with a post on the back than a whack on
the head.

Good philosophy if you ask me.

Dr. Harley actually recommends BH to Plan A up to two years if they can handle it. Only 3 weeks for BW. Men can handle it more, but everyone has their limits.

How are you doing with that? Eating? Sleeping?

Did you ever email the Harleys?

Sorry I've been silent for so long. About the time BH was posting I was on the way to the ER. I was there till last Thursday with a fun thing called a nasogastric tube. This is a wonderful torture device. The stress finally caught up with me I guess. But I feel so much better now. I'm surprised I lasted this long. I am working on treating this so I don't end up in the ER again. Mentally I can handle the anguish she puts me through, my body just needed a break for a couple of days.

I'm eating well. I've gained back most of the weight I lost when she came clean about the affair. I lost it because of not having any appetite and worry over her. I'm doing my best to eat well, but I cook for 1 most of the time so TV dinners end up being my main fare. I do well for breakfast and lunch. I've found a friend who is open to doing some back and forth cooking to experiment with different cuisines. This week will be Indian. Soon Korean!

Sleep is better. I still wake up early sometimes and sometimes still wake at night with cold sweats. But I get much more sleep than a few months ago. And I'm not using the sleeping pills except maybe once every couple of weeks.

I have not yet contacted the Harleys and I know my time is running out. Her heart is set on this foul divorce. I think she's trying to get done so she can get married to the loser. Ugh, makes me sick, and he's such an ugly, dumb, [censored] too. I don't know what she's thinking. That's all I can stomach for now. I'll keep you posted.

mijunleigh, I am so sorry to hear about your hospital stay. Plaese take care of yourself!

Perhaps, in light of this, Plan B is in order?

Thanks for your concern, but I'm not ready for Plan B yet. If I may make a confession. I have a disease which is exacerbated by stress. I was diagnosed when I was 13. I have been in remission for 3 years. I have not been treating it while in remission and I should have. It finally caught up with me. This was purely a combination of things. But I've watched people overcome cancer, I know this little thing isn't going to stop me.

That is a great attitude to have! Be well, my friend

Quite seriously, you have just been shown that your health will not tolerate continued contact with her.

I respectfully disagree. This was not only related to her stress, but other things as well. I am supposed to be treating myself while in remission. I have not done this. I admit my failing here and am working to correct it. I should not be putting myself at risk of this for the sake of myself and my kids. But I sincerely believe treatment will keep it from happening again.

While WW does cause me stress I have become more and more accustomed to her lunacy. Many times now I find it laughable. I find myself more at peace these days than I have been in a long time. God gave me the right to choose; and I choose to continue to fight for what is right. If this happens again I will certainly reconsider.

WW has been blowing up my phone asking me to have the atty send her a final proposal, or to get a copy and forward it to her, etc. I hate this. I don't want this damned divorce. What should I say? I've been ignoring her texts for now. I don't know what I should do. Any advice?

She keeps asking what I want, and if we can come to an agreement. What I want to tell her is to dump her BF, come home, fulfill her marriage vows, be a real mother, restore her faith, listen to her morals, and be safe.

Don't do anything that helps her with divorce proceedings. She's trying to represent herself, correct? She will have to figure it out.

Have you laid out a picture for her that it won't be a "friendly" divorce as long as she is with her OM?

Ok I won't help and won't respond. How should I best present an unfriendly picture while still conforming to Plan A. Bring up the financial complications, living arrangements, missing the kids, keeping them from a drug user and potential abuser, her drug use, her breaking her morals?

You calmly paint her the picture post divorce.

You will not be her friend. You will not help her financially at all. You will go for FULL custody of your children.

Have you ran a background check on OM?

You also apologize for your mistakes in the marriage and you would like her to join you in a fulfilling romantic marriage.

Yeah I've run his background. Possesion, paraphernalia, public intoxication, lost his license. Keeps on smoking. And she's right there with him.

When you say FULL custody what do you think of. I have primary custody, she will get standard visitation. Or are you talking about supervised, or no visitation at all?

So OM isn't allowed around your kids, correct?

I'm thinking supervised if she can't keep your children safe from OM.

What is her visitation now? Does she have to come to the house to see them? This would be ideal and give You excellent opportunity to Plan A.

I have told her he is not. We have a children's bill of rights in place saying the kids are not to be in the presence of a person we are romantically or intimately involved with.

Right now she sees "has" the kids most of the day at her parent's house while I'm at work. There is always another adult present while they are there. She picks them up from school, then usually goes to work about an hour later so she only sees her son for about an hour a day during the school year. She gets overnights on monday and every other friday. This is more than I would like. If I could, I'd take away the overnights. Her family doesn't let her leave while the kids are in residence.

POSOM is her co-worker so she see's him most days. I know she spends nights with him now and then because she keeps an overnight bag in her van. Even saw a new bedding set in there the other day, but that might be for the futon she sleeps on. Her grandmother will be moving in with her family soon. This will make 6 adults in their home plus the 2 kids, but only 4 bedrooms. She and the kids share a room right now. They will likely get bumped into the office when grandma arrives.

She had me spend extra time with the kids while I was in the hospital because her family needed a break. Yet in the same breath talked about how she would keep them while I was there, then said things about my mother picking them up and watching them on my schedule saying that my mom was trying to take her place.

Remind me, where you live does adultery have any weight in the D?

And her family is ok with supporting her affair?

no we live in TX no fault state. Adultery would give me a greater portion of the marital assets if I can prove she wasted money on her affairs. Unfortunately she has been on a cash only basis for almost 2 years. Nothing in the bank account to prove it other than a couple of fast food meals. She did rack up some toll road charges though before i took her off the account.

Her family thinks it's best for her to be "happy". They "don't condone adultery" but they won't do anything to stop it. I've tried. She got to them before I could expose to them and they only see me as some abusive control freak demon who won't let her go out and have fun. They don't care about the drinking or drugs as long as she doesn't do it in front of the kids, or get drunk when she's alone with them. They don't seem to know or care about her wanting to commit suicide for basically the whole time I've known her. That's her "private business" and she will tell them "what they need to know". The whole thing makes me sick. My family wouldn't stand for me doing any of this if the situation was reversed. They would be all over me and completely on her side.

Is there anyway you could ask to sit down with her mom or dad or some relative and ask them to listen to your side?

No. Twice I have had a sit down with her parents, and offered to let them hear what was going on with her. I was brutally attacked and vilified. Anything I said was immediately dismissed as an attempt to hurt their baby. They believe it is all my fault and I drove her to this.
Her younger brother and sister will not see me. Her older sister is a whack job who had Elvis walk her down the aisle while her father sat in the front row. Her biological mother...I'm not sure about her. I don't have her contact info. In general the world revolves around her though.