I would have to have more info before making such a judgment.

I would like to know what she has been doing with her life since she got pregnant with her youngest child. Maybe she has seen the light and living differently now.

And if she is really such a user that she would go to the trouble to fake a lost card that will be evident soon enough.

JK,

There is a bit of an issue with your still being dazed from your divorce, it's likely you will chose someone with the same defects as your ExW.

She did say she owed me the money back

Easy test here, don't mention anything, if she pays you back without prompting it's one sign of honesty.

Whatever you do you need to keep your eyes open for any signs of secretive behavior or anything she is not forthcoming about.

The two baby daddies are a major issue as well, as losers have a way of reinserting themselves into ex'es lives when the ex regains the means to support them. Remember both of these ex'es are guys that readily abandoned their own children.

God Bless
Gamma

My gut feeling is to be wary of her also.
The girls have a sleepover at my house Sunday night.
After this I know the girl is staying with her aunt out of state for the summer so that should end seeing her, as soccor is also ending this week.

When I spoke with her Wednesday at soccor, she told me she is 7th day Adventist and questioned why I work on the Sabbath.
I didn't really respond other than to say that I'm not seventh day Adventist;
She told me she goes to three different churches on Saturday.

My gut feeling is that the credit card issue was a lie.
She also didnt pay me back on Wednesday.

The parents without partners chapter did contact me; they are active.
So I will check them
Out

No matter who you start developing friendships with, start out as a freeloader.


Oh my -- that would really make for an interesting POJA situation!! BTW, several of the people who post here are 7DA.

The bolded is a big problem, as it speaks to character. If I had lost my debit card and a man I barely knew offered to pay my way in, I would be doing back flips to make sure it was paid back immediately.

And the 2 kids with two different men, neither of which she married, is also a problem.

Lots of good decent women out there...you have to be careful who you let into your life because you are very vulnerable to being used.

Why are you going from the frying pan into the fire?

You need a check up from the neck up.

Hello the lights are on but I do not think any one is at home.






I think your meds must be off for you to give advice other then run for the hills as fast as he can to get away from this woman.





Be friendly no way Jose. Be polite but do not encourage this renter in any way shape or form.

lol, well we do know a little more about her, now.

But, seriously, there's no harm to come from dating a few people you'd probably never get serious about. It's a good way to get your toes back in the water.


Actually when people start dating they should be freeloaders.

For example, they might start by just going to coffee with no other expectations.

Where people go wrong is where they have one date and then stick with that person until there's some serious reason to leave. They get emotionally invested just from the excitement of the date and stick with a loser. Far better to date around, several people, start to get an idea of who really does the best job of meeting your emotional needs.

After you have some perspective you can progress a relationship from freeloaders to renters to buyers.

"Buyer," "Renter," "Freeloader" are not types of people. They are approaches to relationships. People who start out as Buyers are asking for trouble; they are asking to get stuck in a relationship with a permanent renter or freeloader.

So if the lady is a renter -- that's too committed!

Okay her daughter is at my house for a sleepover tonight.
When she dropped her off she visited for nearly 3 hours.
There were some text exchanges also later, asking about her daughter but also complementing me.

I have been careful not to be other than polite.

She does ask questions, such as what my long term plans in life are etc.
She also told me that she attends a weekly class on marriage.

The marriage issue came up when dd6 asked if she had a husband.
All my kids hear the MB radio show daily so they mentioned that I know about marriage.

She asked about the show I listen to and I answered and explained the MB Radio show app.

I'm very concerned since you warned me that she may be BPD.

Jedi. Please.

You cannot take everything everyone says as gospel truth!! If what you have revealed in your very brief descriptors are signs of BPD then it would appear that half the country is affected.

Just keep your wits about you and use your common sense.

I wouldn't look @ it as BPD, but I would look at her as someone who uses external locust of control. She has some very bad habits and they will likely take her a long while to build better habits.

She sees you as a stable father something I am 100% positive she is searching for her own kids. Be very weary of this because she likely doesn't have any idea on how to care properly for others...instead she looks for quick emotional needs fixes that get her into trouble.

You are getting your own self healed...believe in what you deserve.

Watch the habits they have....they will help you to steer clear of those fixer up damsel in distress kind of women.

Nope. You just don't need a damsel in distress.

Keep your eyes out for potential other women to date and get to know and
don't latch on to the first possible lady.

: )

We don't know she has BPD! But this damsel in distress mode, and trying to conform YOUR life are certainly s

Be a freeloader, have fun! Make friends, you don't have to date her, you can still be friends!

Jedi, I'm not sure (not going to go back and re-read) who suggested BPD, but none of us are qualified to suggest such a thing. I didn't get that impression, myself.

Here are my thoughts:
She is the mother of your kids' friend. Treat her as such, like you would any other mother. Friendly, kindly, with compassion and humor. So she lost her card. It happens. Do I find that a little suspect? Yes, I do. But it does happen. (Flag: she should have gone out of her way to pay you back, unless you waved it off. If you said "Hey, don't worry about it" you just picked up the tab. If that were me, I still would have tried to repay you, but many people will accept that statement at face value and will call it even. She may even have gotten the impression that you were picking up the tab because you issued the invitation.)So I'm not going to spend time on that part of the evening.

My flags: a never-married mother with TWO kids that far apart in age tells me there are two other men, minimum, in her life with whom she procreated. I don't care if she's a Christian or a Steelers fan - she appears to not respect the institution of marriage.

I don't think it's wrong for you to be friends with this woman. But I certainly DO think you should proceed carefully. And I think you will do that.

Okay her daughter spent the night.shes a sweet well behaved girl and they get along well.
When she dropped her daughter off, she stayed and watched part of the movie (home alone) for about 2 hours.

We woke up, I cooked pancakes and sausage and took the kids to a museum.
When she came to pick up her daughter she stayed for another 2 hours!
She kept talking and talking.
She suggested that I should hire a housekeeper to clean my house. (I didnt ask for her opinion).
Then she asked me when my ww left and told me that people have affairs when their needs aren't being met.
She then told me she got married about 7 years ago and was only married a short time but "isn't really divorced". She said she hasnt seen him for 5 years.

I would have never had personal conversation with her if I knew she was married.

How should I stop this friendly relationship from developing further and reverse it back to parental (kids in soccor) acquaintances?

Even though she hasn't seen her husband for 5 years it would violate MB rules for me to be friendly on a personal level with her

Her comment about hiring a housekeeper is a bit over the top.

I also think her 'husband' is probably not legally her husband. He's her Baby Daddy.

I would suggest you put some distance between to two of you, which shouldn't be difficult. It sounds like it's going to happen naturally as soccer season ends.

Interview: FAIL. There will be others

Just tell her out of respect for your marriage you cannot be opposite sex friends.

Um, Walkin - he's divorced.

Agreed!

I simply would not go out of my way to be around her. If she ever presses you, I would be honest with her. She told you she was still married, and you can not be friends with a married woman.

Okay, I have another suggestion:

Take another woman for coffee!