I am so feeling like I need some kind of ultimate help. I moved my life across the country to be with my new husband. I left my six figure job and my beautiful 3-bedroom home to be with him. These were all my choices. My new husband said I should stay and work for a year but I didn't want to do that because I'm 58 and I didn't want to wait for my new life to start. I was so happy. I saw the alcohol being used while we were together and addressed it but I was talking with an alcoholic who told me he could quit at any time. He is also a hunter and fisherman. So, when I arrived in the very small mountain town that has none of the amenities of the city I live in and is rather isolated (4 hours from any mall or airport) and my husband went to work 10 hrs per day and then hunted every weekend for the first 5 months of our marriage, I became seriously depressed and very lonely. Not to mention that he drinks about 8 oz of whiskey each night. I started a yoga studio and took 2 part-time jobs to keep myself busy and then lost one of the jobs due to layoff and hated the other one. I kept the yoga going but it wasn't bringing in enough money to pay my bills. I left after a year as I thought I was going crazy. I returned 6 mos later to give it another try and tried my best to keep my mouth shut and not speak up about what was bothering me or to say anything about the alcohol (I had also been in Al-Anon for 6 mos before I returned and found another meeting and sponsor immediately when I got there). Money ran out after I returned and 3 months later, another job landed in my lap. After leaving both times I have been so unhappy; sometimes unhappier than when I was there dealing with active alcoholism, loneliness and being sad and angry a lot with resentment. My husband agreed to go across the country to see my family and then backed out saying it wasn't important to him. These are things that are important to me. However, I know I had the choice to go visit my family alone. I was miserable when I left the first time and I'm miserable now. I am seeing a therapist, going to Al-Anon and doing what I can to stay focused on myself. I know I need to stay in my own stuff. But I just cry and cry. My family doesn't understand; they keep telling me to just move on but I am just letting all of this out of my body. My husband filed for divorce last week. I feel like I don't want it. I am so confused and am just trying to find myself. I am not the same person I was three years ago when I first met him. I don't now if I'll ever be the same or "sane" again. I am not crying victim. I feel these things inside me. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated.

Welcome to MB.

Is your DH in AA? Is he still drinking?

Serenity, I want to encourage you and assure you that this will get better. You did not have a chance for happiness with an alcoholic. His first love always will be alcohol and that leaves no room for anyone else. By getting divorced, you have an opportunity to meet someone who can make you happy. You didn't have that chance with an alcoholic.

I know that it hurts today, but you won't feel the same in the future. I promise you this.

Is this your first marriage?

Do either of you have any children?

Serenity55, how are you doing? I agree with MelodyLane, it will get better. Do you have family and friends you can lean on for support also? I am so sorry you are hurting.

I am not sure why your DH married you. Not because of any of your attributes, but if he was so interested in Alcohol, Hunting and Work why get married at all? Unfortunately for you he was most likely a Taker...taking what you could give but not willing to give. Not surprising for an Alcoholic.