Thanks everyone for your support. Honestly, believe I would be in a bad place now if it wasn't for the guidance of you guys. Anyways, DS and I had a good weekend. We went fishing at the local par Sunday with my Dad. Was fun didn't catch anything but I wanted DS to get familiar with the rod before we hit the river this summer. Sent WW an email with pics and video of our "fishing expedition". No reply but she read them.

WW called on Sunday after we had a cookout with my best friend and his children. She wanted to talk to DS and he didn't want to talk to her. Was heart breaking. He finally got on the phone and she told him it hurts her feelings when he rather play with his friends or video games instead of talking to her. DS told her to come home and she quickly spewed that she loved him and miss him. He reciprocated albeit reluctantly. Afterwards I told DS if he didn't want to talk to her he doesn't have to. He told me he's mad at her for being with POSOM and taking his brother away. Am I wrong for not forcing him to talk to her? I believe this is the stick.

TD, I really feel for your son. I went through a lot of the same stuff with my wayward mother - I was the one who discovered her affair during her separation from my father.

No, you did not do wrong. There is no obligation on you to force your son to talk to her. If she wants a good relationship with her son, it's her responsibility to start acting like a mother instead of a whore. If she wants her son to respect her, then she needs to earn the respect she deserves. A lot of betrayed parents here go nuts trying to help their scumbag wayward spouses retain respect in their children's eyes and a a relationship with them, and my take is that that is only a way to make yourself miserable and possibly destroy your children as well.

But enough about my thoughts - Dr. Harley's opinion is that children should be given the latitude to make their own decisions about how much of a relationship to have with a wayward parent. He has written letters to judges before advocating that children not be forced to see wayward parents if they do not desire to. For many of us, it is simply too traumatic.

I have had minimal contact with my wayward mother for twenty years. She is a part of my life I do not like to remember. Without her, I am happy! I receive a minimal birthday card from her most years, and it is always an emotional negative, and I wish she would stop sending them. (Somehow she has always tracked me down through many moves.)

Yea I read that on the boards, Markos. My mom was/is the same way. I won't pressure him to talk to her again. Even though he's four he knows right and wrong.

Mediator sent email to the judge stating how she missed the appointment and can of mediate any further with her living out of state. She replied with a weak excuse why she couldn't come. She put the date for July not June and cannot afford to fly here for the appointments wanted to do a teleconference. It was denied! I'm pissed now, she has money to fly POSOM around and live it up in hotels but no money to come see her sons or at least put up a fight for custody. On the flipside I look good which is what have been from the beginning. Sent her some email with a couple Internet memes for humor. Yup WW no all waywards are crappy parents. Whoever said that is so right. Well off for my 5k run at lunch.

Also spoke with SS mil gave me her cell to call him anytime! He still wants me to fight for our family. He said WW told him he will be living in FL with her. I let him know that she meant with POSOM and he reiterated that he wants to come home. He also says WW doesn't have a new car. No surprise there! He also spoke with his cousin/BFF and DS. It hurts that I can't do anything for him. He told me to tell the judge he doesn't want to live with WW.

The way WW is acting there seems to be a good chance that you might get custody of SS...how old is he again?

He's 4 going on 5.

My heart breaks for SS. He is getting the shortest end of the stick in this situation.

WW sent me an email saying she loves DS and misses him. I told her we both (DS and I) feel the same about her and SS. Am I correct in thinking she misses me as well?

In all likelihood, yes. As was said before, affairland is crumbling, she is probably poor as a churchmouse...the list goes on. You look GOOD right now, but you know how stubborn waywards are...

I agree TD. She misses her family life.

She is starting to feel the consequences of her affair.

TD,
You may have a window here, and Karma is dead on about the stubbornness and pride of waywards.

My wife shared with me this week that there was a turning point in her affair where her feelings for me re-emerged. She was hoping that I would do something big to sweep her off her feet. That really surprised me because there were no outward signs at that time that she was interested in me or coming back.

No one can say if your WW is at that point, but be aware that it could happen. As you continue to toss more stones in the river building the bridge between her and you (to borrow from another forum member) that bridge might be reaching the water's surface. No way of knowing. All you can do is keep tossing in the stones.

Tell her the door is open and you can't wait for her to come back.

Tranquil, I am SO hoping for a happy ending for your family. It sounds like she is facing her consequences and regrets.

I agree with klove, make sure she knows that door is open.

She knows. I think it was said that waywards are stubborn. My wife was stubborn to begin with so its gonna take alot for her to give in to reality. Thanks for your words, they give me hope when most should be hopeless. DS and I will have a awesome weekend and happy father's day to all the father's out there as well.

TQ is there a reason why you would love a woman that abandons her children and husband for a scumbag?
What values does SHE have that you LOVE?

More like values she had and I know she still possess even though they aren't immediately present. I made a vow and I will fulfill it. Everyday I talk with SS and asks him if I should give up and he says know because he wants his family back as do I. DS feels the same way so I do it for them and for her because in the long run her affair won't last and I need to be there for her because no one else will.

However, after we divorce I'm not sure if I would take her back. I can say I will and when that moment comes I'm liable to change my mind. I won't know until I'm put in that position. Time and God will tell. Also, fighting for my marriage not only makes me a better person it alleviates all guilt and blame from me. When SS and DS grow they will KNOW that I did everything I could to help their mom and she won't be able to spin it like my mom tried to do to me when I was growing up.

Lastly, I love my wife. Plain and simple and I know that true love isn't the stuff you see in the movies or the puppy love waywards experience. Real love is when you love the perfections and imperfections of a person and accept them for who they are and not who they pretend to be. My wife and I had that but someone done the line we both didn't take time to cultivate it and help it grow. Whatever is lost can be regained and I strongly believe that my marriage will recover, I just have to stick with the plan. There are deal breakers for me of course. Either way I believe she is worth it and will continue my course.

TD,
Yours is a wise and insightful answer to Jedi's completely reasonable question.

Our timelines are almost exactly a year apart, and so last year at this time I was about 2 months away from the divorce finalizing, and my love bank was empty. The only thing that gave me any resolve to fight were my vows and my kids. After the divorce, I felt I was free to move in another direction. I was deeply saddened, angry, but relieved. I thought at that point that we were completely finished. And the truth was, at that point I did not want her back. I felt she was an awful person.

But through a long process of reconciliation I did take her back. And what I discovered was my wife was remorseful for what she had done. Her love for me that I thought had disappeared returned. It was always there, just buried under years of LB's and surrounded by a thick layer of affair fog. And today I can see that the old wife who was a very good person is back.

People do awful things when they are in the fog of an affair. Dr. Harley points out in his writings that he often has clients come into his office who are seen in society as righteous and good that have succumbed to adultery.

On a different note, wishing you, Jedi, and everyone here a very happy Father's Day. You guys are great Dads.

Had a good time today. DS made me a no e Father's Day gift at his day care and he gave it to me today! Spent the weekend with my dad and we BBQ, watched a movie and played catch with DS. SS called me and we talked so much about stuff. Made me tear up when he said this, "TD I have two dads, well my real dad is just my dad by blood, your my real dad happy Father's Day!" WW called and wanted to talk to DS. He was sleep at the time. She tried to get angry and assumed I am lying. She asked if we could call her back. I said sure, we called her back and she was sobbing a little telling DS she misses him and how she went to the video game store and thought of him. DS kept it short as usual and she asked if he could call her more and he said yes. Then she started to give him the third degree about what he did today and who he was with. Sad and weird she would call on Father's Day to talk to him. She wanted to talk to me but I get the feeling she thinks I don't want to speak to her. Next time she calls I will strike up a conversation and see what happens. She put on a social media site that she loves this man (POSOM). Made me want to laugh really! Fantasy land isn't that well and she's trying her best to prove everyone wrong.

Well I got a good of the ex fianc�. I talked to her a bit and she knows who my wife is. Was a very uncomfortable conversation. She told me she will call me back. I will keep you guys updated.

She told me that her relationship with POSOM fell apart around August the same time he started talking to my WW. I let her know I have proof of this and a lot more. She asked me how I got her number I didn't tell her how. More than likely I will call her tomorrow because it was her work number.

WW sent me this email:

Since DS always seems to be unavailable when I call please have him call me today when he gets a chance. I'm always available so anytime is ok.

Me: You can call him anytime you want.

WW: I called yesterday and he was not available and Tbh 3/5 times I call, for one reason or another he can't come to phone so don't say I can call anytime.

WW: And you still didn't call last night, thanks very much. YOU'RE KEEPING MY SON AWAY FROM ME! Call it what you want but you are. Even worse you're using him as hostage so I get back with you but I won't give you the satisfaction.

ME:
I'm sorry you feel that way, he's a child if he's occupied and playing that's all he thinks about. If it hurts you so much please think about what you are doing to cause him to ignore you. I am not keeping our son from you. Remember what you said when you were here? Also, I just want you to know I'm here for you and your welcome back into our marriage. I apologize for the things I did that may of lead you to this path. I want a loving, respectful and passionate marriage. I offer that to you in exchange you need to stop your affair and agree to join this marital program for our recovery.

I believe in God and I know he is with me in this. You were right the "old" marriage is dead. Burned to death by my actions, I take responsibility for my part in it, do you? I got caught up in other things that distracted me from the #1 Boricua in my life. That is why I apologize. You may ask yourself why I would want to try again after what you did/done. I take my vows seriously and I don't make the same mistakes.

This isn't an empty promise or some sweet words to make you change your mind. These are my feelings, WW you are the most important person in my life and I always honored you. I will not stand for the disrespect, resentment and anger you spew at me. I will not stand for your decisions that hurt me either.

Please understand that all I want is for you to be happy. Honestly, believe your best chance is with me call it arrogance or confidence but you know when I put my mind to something I do it. Close your eyes and imagine having the best relationship possible, showered with attention, passionate lovemaking, trips as a family, equal say in all aspects of life, being financially stable, owning a house. Now imagine that with TQ your husband and father of our children.

This is my dream, always has been. I feel that a man and woman should be interdependent not codependent. We each have different perspectives as woman and man. It's like our backs are to each other and we are looking at different horizons. You may see birds and eagles and I may see mountains. Doesn't mean what you see is wrong or vice versa. It takes both perspectives in equal consideration to make a marriage work. I want to be one with you mind, body and soul.

WW: I'm not interested. I'm ok where I am and I don't ever want to be with you again. Stop calling it a marriage, it never was. It was a joke. All I want is my son who I love very much.

ME: How was are union a joke? Is Seifer a joke? Is the bind I have with Xander a joke? Please be more specific about this. You say your ok where you are? Is that true? IIRC when we were together you were more than "ok". You were happy and it was real happiness because it didn't hurt anyone. He's our son, he looks just like me and you. I pray in time you will see the hurt your causing our family for your "ok" feeling.


WW: Get it you say red I say blue, I will NOT do what you want me to do. Also stop talking about what I did/done to you because I didn't do anything to you. I didn't cheat or anything like that. Yes I left you but what did you expect? What you thought I was going to sit down for 5 more years and take your bs?! No sir, I LOVE myself much more than that.


WW: WW, I am not keeping anyone from you. Let me explain it this way. Remember when SS dad would call for SS and he didn't want to talk to him? It's the same thing. I'm sorry you feel that way, I can't change how you feel and I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to fight with you but your dishonesty is hurtful. You left because you want to be with POSOM cause you love him you let someone into your heart whike married. why I don't know. However, as a woman you can only love one man. There isn't room for me in your heart but if you agree to no contact with him in time we can recover our love. What is lost can be regained through hardwork and honesty. That's my thought on that.