There is a way to tell for certain. Keep checking up on her.
If she's serious, she will have no problem with this.

My wife had an affair with this guy for three months and was gone away with him for four and five days at a time on a weekly basis and she says she doesn't know where he lives or works so she can't send the letter?

Sounds like an excuse a simple background check can get that information. She is hedging her bets. Whitepages.com is a good site on finding mailing addresses. I'm nowhere near recovery but I am pretty sure this step CANNOT be skipped. She just has her feet in the pool and refusing to take the plunge.

Yes, this step cannot be skipped.
She CAN find his contact info.
She is making excuses.
She is protecting him.

That is ridiculous....

Yes, we're kind of suspicious of that, too.

For what it's worth, RNR, in the early days after I found out about my wife's emotional affair online, she dragged her feet on several needed steps for recovery, like blocking facebook. But it wasn't long until she jumped in with both feet and asked me to forgive her for wavering.

Treat this as a problem to be solved together, rather than an obstacle that makes sending the letter impossible. Solve the problem.

Her feelings are telling her to protect him.
That is what she is doing.
She's GOING to drag her feet on this.
Don't let her.

RNR, I wanted to comment on something,

Your wife indicated that you were angry with her yesterday. I don't want to minimize the importance of her sending this no contact letter or being totally transparent to you, but I do want to make you aware that Dr. Harley says that angry outbursts will make it impossible for you to recover your marriage.

The new marriage you two are building needs to be fulfilling and rewarding for both of you. Demands, disrespect, or angry outbursts will make that impossible. So fighting (demands, disrespect, and angry outbursts) need to be avoided at all costs. If you need any help learning to talk about things without these three "tools," let us know. I had to do a lot of anger management work myself. The basic rule is not to say or do ANYTHING when you are frustrated or upset, because when you are angry, you are temporarily insane, and whatever you are thinking of doing will make your situation worse.

No matter what she does, even if she's breaking the marriage builders rules at the moment, do not respond with anything that she might perceive as demanding, disrespectful, or angry. The one exception I think Dr. Harley would make to that is to demand an end to an ongoing affair. Even then he would recommend you not do it while angry, because again, that means temporary insanity.

Again, this in no way minimizes the importance of sending the no contact letter and maintaining transparency in your marriage. We will keep on her about that, but when you talk to her about it it needs to be in a factual and non-emotional manner.

Well, I think my marriage is over. We had an argument tonight and she said she wanted to leave because she thought I wanted her out, which I didn't. She said that nothing was good enough for me and my need to have proof that the A was over but she never did give me much. She said I took everything from her and that I had some big plan to destroy her? She was referring to the court order I have in place where our daughter is not allowed around this other guy because of all the bad stuff he is into and basically gives me full custody over our daughter while I am home. So tonight, she said she wanted to leave because she thinks thats what I want. I straight out told her numerous times "If you want to go than thats your choice, so go, get out" she refused to go so I took her and dragged her out the door. This is my place and I have a order stating that is my place and if I don't want you here than you go. So, she's gone. I never wanted her out, I love her very much but she just didn't want to be here anymore so she had to go and theres nothing I could do to stop that.

You DRUG your wife out the door?
Do not say you didn't want her out if you DRUG her out!

Did you read a single word Markos wrote to you in his last post?

RNR, IF she comes back, no anger. She had an affair, but you can and need to control anger. Some BH's here whenever there ww says something asinine, or start trying to push you away just calmly offer them a cup of coffee or chips.

I know the feeling of betrayal and sometimes not being sure if I want her around or want her gone. But clearer heads prevail and I am glad I kept her near.

IF she comes back, a polygraph may help YOU to know where she is at. But that is a BIG IF.

How dare you lay a single hand on her.
Did your child witness you treating his mother this way?

She should have called the police the minute you put a hand on her.

Unacceptable, sir. This is not just marriage wrecking behavior; it's outside of the bounds of human decency. There are legal procedures if you want to get her out of your house.

Where is she now? On the street?

This doesn't make a lick of sense.

She clearly did not want to go, or she would have left. Clearly she did not want to go, or she would not have resisted and you would not have been forcing her out physically.

"Nothing you could do to stop that"? How about just simply doing nothing?

If your wife threatens to leave, all you have to do is say "That is your choice if you want, but I want to keep our marriage, and I won't talk about ending it." Hundreds of betrayed husbands and wives have done it here before you.

I don't want anyone here who doesn't want to be here. She said she wanted to go but she would not. I asked her to take her things and leave numerous times but she would not, so she was escorted out. I did not want her to go but if she does not want to stay than she needs to get out. No our daughter was not here.

I am extremely confused.

While you are home? I thought you guys were going to do this program, which would mean you are going to be home from now on.

Half measures will avail you nothing. Were you guys going to cut this corner?

This is a lie, and I am going to call you on it every time you post it. I've already refuted it. You probably haven't read it, yet.

Why do you guys have a court order? Is this just a legal agreement? Or did one of you guys previously file or something?

Unfortunately, men and women with anger problems do not make good parents, either, so I guess this is a wash.

You had an angry outburst and you abused your wife.
She should've called the cops. You should be spending the night in jail right now.