Hey, shopoholic!


I was talking about AS, not RA/Shopping!

:p

I hate parties and large social gatherings and avoid them whenever possible. And they really don't work as UA time for us anyway, because my DH is very extroverted and loves to mingle and talk to everyone at parties. Definitely not undivided attention.

I guess I just need to ask my husband again what he likes. Yes, I used to do the same thing, but when I found MB and we did the EN and physical attractiveness was a top need, I lost the weight. I shave my legs EVERY day and put on lotion. When he calls to tell me he is coming home, I change from my sloppy mom outfit to a nice/casual outfit and put on perfume. I've been doing this for a year. I've gotten an occasional comment, but not much at all..... He doesn't seem to have noticed or seems to care, but I've just kept doing it. His only comments about the subject is that he is glad I am working out and he likes me to be thin and healthy.

Huh it won't let me edit.. I was going to add that I also only used to wear that cotton underwear, you know, completely unsexy. I have since found some sexy bikini underwear that is COMFORTABLE, doesn't ride up. But it looks great. And I look great in it. Well, at least I think I do, but hubby hasn't made a single comment about it... So yes, I've made the effort.

"I put in the effort but my husband does't comment..."



Ladies, sounds like you are talking about your own need for admiration rather than an H's need for an attractive spouse...


Though, feedback IS nice.

My xWH and probably every guy I have ever dated has said that they prefer women without make up, the "natural" look, low maintenance, etc. My xWH would tell me that I was lucky I looked so good without makeup -- while I was wearing it! LOL

I can't see how any woman's (especially a tired mother) looks wouldn't be improved with AT LEAST a little under eye concealer and some mascara! This would take 1 min. I have to wonder when women say they look better without makeup that they aren't doing it right. It should look natural -- while hiding imperfections and accentuating the good things. Doesn't Dr Harley even say something about this in HNHN?

Sorry, I'm just not the make-up type. I wear it on rare and special occasions only. I really just don't like the way it feels.

But I think I look pretty good without it. In fact, yesterday I attended a new writer's group, and two people in the group misjudged my age. One thought I was between 26 and 28. The other thought I was around 32. I'm 42 years old. Neither of them believed it, until I told them I have a son who will be 24 in July.

Yeah, that's what I figured.

My comments were to others who may be following that may think that makeup doesn't look natural or they should believe their husbands when they tell them they don't need to wear it -- it may not be true and it's not a reason not to experiment. I think women may (a) not know how to apply it properly (there are tons of Youtube tutorials, y'all, this is how I learned) and (b) think they need to spend an hour in the bathroom. I can do a quick "full face" in five mins.

Yeah, I was referring to wearing makeup for a date night - I would consider that a special occassion.

I don't understand this. I don't feel anything. Maybe you are overapplying or not using the right type of foundation for your skin type. Besides, I think lots of women can skip foundation and do a couple quick things that go a long way...

This is what Dr Harley says in HNHN, under Physical Attractiveness:

I've enjoyed reading this discussion. Very useful to know that Dr Harley says UA at home is not easy. I've thought about this a lot and have worked out that for me the RC activity needs to be very enjoyable so that I associate the good feelings with being with my H. When I found myself a little bored or the activity only OK, not great, I was feeling dissatisfied and associated that feeling with being with my H. I think that is the key whether you stay at home or go out.

I agree that there is a risk when at home that you think it would be more enjoyable to do your own thing if what you are doing together is not that fun for you. We'll keep looking for options that'll take us out of the house (will be easier in summer).

I've taken Dr Harley's advise on board and enjoy dressing in a way my H likes. I need a new wardrobe after my weight loss anyway, so I'm having fun totally changing my style, incl. more skirts which he likes. ( I'm shopping in 2nd hand shops that have better quality clothing.) Recently he even came underwear shopping with me (only because he could come into the changing cubicle with me, he hates waiting around outside) and even though he hates shopping in malls (he's ok going to outdoor clothing shops), he enjoyed the experience. He likes everything natural, which is my style. The only thing I do which he doesn't like, is shave my legs at the start of the season but it's a minor thing he can live with.

We always go produce shopping together now which makes it a lot easier anyway (we eat low fat vegan, so lots of bulky produce. BTW my H is nearly 60 and we credit this diet with him not having any erection problems).

We took on one of your suggestions and are exploring the surrounding towns a bit. It's farming country around this smallish city (not US) and not that many places, but we enjoyed a walk and then picked up garden supplies on the way which helped keep our dd happy for staying home alone (she likes gardening).

Another idea is to go to a cafe now and then if it's cold and wet outside. (Otherwise I take a hot flask). My H doesn't care much for it but I really enjoy it and if it doesn't happen too often, we can afford it. (We buy something sweet for him to eat (he only drinks water) and a cup of hot water for me. I then drop my own tea bag in and soy milk as I only like one brand in my tea. That way we half the costs (it's expensive here) and I enjoy my tea the way I like it.)

Some years ago I really enjoyed dancing a particular style at a Folk Fest and I think I have just found out what it could be: Modern Jive (or French Jive). I've found that there even is a dance school near us but on the website they say that in the group lessons one must rotate. Both my H and I would prefer not to dance with other people though. Have any of you experience with this and some advise?

This is what it says on their website:
Couples - if your goal is to learn to dance with each other in as short a space of time as possible and as effectively as possible then joining in the rotation is the best way to achieve this goal. It has been found that when couples don't rotate, each partner compensates for the other's mistakes and often blaming their partner when something goes wrong. This isn't the best recipe for a harmonious relationship.

We stay home two date nights a week, usually. DH and I are in really public positions within our companies and the thought of having to face the public for another few hours is exhausting. I will give myself credit that I wear a skirt and fix my makeup even when we stay home.

I think UA time at home would be near impossible if we shared the house with others.

But, at least once a week we go out on a date. On date night I usually cook at home and then we go out and do stuff. I've been watching Groupon and buying tickets for fun activities like the Roller Derby, Celtic Festival, Ballroom dancing lessons.

I am blessed that DH doesn't care about manicures and pedicures, farm life doesn't lend itself to having pretty hands. And, the last time he told me I was hot, I was covered in grease and sitting on the engine of my truck fixing the radiator. To each his own.

We have been attending, on and off, a ballroom dance class nearby. The cost is very reasonable, the music is fun and the teachers are really good. This class also strongly emphasizes rotating dance partners.

We politely told the teacher that we wouldn't be doing that. Our stance does not please everyone in the group, but we don't care. A few other couples have joined us and finally the teacher asked those who were not rotating to move to a certain area of the room while the others rotate.

We had a few reasons for not rotating:

1.) We wanted this RC time with each other.

2.) I LOVE dancing and long for a good dance partner. My H is really giving it a valiant effort; however, he has a long way to go. There is NO way I will dance with someone else who might be quite good and therefore create a contrast effect.

3.) Obviously, I don't particularly want my H to hold another woman, even if "just" to dance.

You can always give the class a try and inform the teacher before the class that while you appreciate the advice to rotate, you and your H will stand aside to allow the others to pass you both.

It will work out as long as you are both respectful to each other while learning to dance.

We are taking private lessons, Frau. There are some group lessons as well that involve group dances, but we won't be changing partners.

This class also strongly emphasizes rotating dance partners.

We politely told the teacher that we wouldn't be doing that. Our stance does not please everyone in the group, but we don't care. A few other couples have joined us and finally the teacher asked those who were not rotating to move to a certain area of the room while the others rotate.

It will work out as long as you are both respectful to each other while learning to dance. [/quote]
I've read further on their website and it looks like not rotating is not an option in group classes. We'd have to take private lessons. This dancing is an activity I have suggested to my husband as something I am interested in and for him to try. Since it's supposed to be RC for the two of us, it makes no sense to have different partners. One compromise to consider is to learn the basics in group class (to save money) and then only go to venues where they let you dance only with your partner. I'm a bit nervous about this though as I don't like the idea that I'm facilitating my H being with other women. I also think it's not helpful to dance with other people and discover they are much better than your partner. Better to avoid that contrast effect.

This is their info:

Being part of a group means joining in with the entire group. In group classes we insist that everyone rotates. If you'd prefer not to rotate then please contact us about private lessons for individuals, couples or a number of people.

A couple that steps out of the class rotation causes immense distraction for both the teacher and the students. Do they have a contagious disease? Do they have bad breath? If the former then they should come back another time, if the latter then they can grab and a mint from the front desk.

For workshops involving potentially dangerous or very close moves there is often the chance for couples not to rotate.

lol, don't blame each other then! Blaming each other is disrespectful!

markos, I agree but it doesn't look like the dance school accepts not rotating in their group lessons. I will have to think about this issue a bit longer. I seems that the other posters taking dance lessons did so as couples without rotating. So that has answered my question.