Thank you, fifteenyears! Those are fantastic suggestions! I know the importance of getting out together alone. But something is better than nothing while we work that out.

I have trying to think of some of the things we did last time and all I can remember is playing cards. This time is different of course, because last time it was forced, we were both uncomfortable and we had to stay clear of really romantic things for a little while. We have no limits this time as we really do enjoy each other. I also try to think of when we were dating and yes, we did go out occasionally, but we spent most of our time in the house then, too. Getting out really is the best option, though. I understand that fully.

We are going to do the EN questionnaires this evening. We're doing pretty well with the top 4 ENs (conversation, SF, RC and affection), but I'd like to meet as many of his needs as I can. Gotta fill up that LB$!

I appreciate your support

Just to update.....there isn't much to update, lol.

Last night was wonderful, just like the night before. We did watch some movies, which didn't give us one on one attention, but we still really enjoyed it and plenty of time to focus only on each other before and after. I think we're doing the ENQs tonight. Should be interesting. I'm not even sure where my ENs stand, but I'm hoping the questionnaire will help with that.

Not much to report....so far, so good

Going to spend time with H ...will report back later.

Thought of another one - Work out together. You can do this from home as well.


Thought of something else to bring up. Earlier in your post you mentioned not making H give up things he loves, like his jeep club. It made me think of a discussion that Mr.XVY and I had when we truly started to recover.

There were a few things that I was doing that made him feel unsafe. He told me about them and I honestly had NO CLUE these things made him feel this way. I had no clue because he NEVER told me before.

Your marriage should be the number one priority for both you and your H. My H and I both refrained from being Honest about things that bothered us for many years because we were afraid we would resent each other or in my H's case he thought it would cause me to not want to be with him.

Not being honest and allowing each other to have independent behavior led to the breakdown of our marriage. Don't be afraid to tell your H how his behavior makes YOU feel. Encourage him to tell you the same.

Thanks again for your wonderful comments!

H knew that I was not a fan of his wheeling. I resented it mostly because I felt like it took priority over our family and especially over our marriage. I know he loves wheeling and I think I'd almost rather learn to love it too and enjoy it with him, then make it something he never does again...but that is jumping way far ahead. For now, it's on hold and our marriage is THE MOST IMPORTANT! I will never again allow anything to become more important than our marriage, from either one of us.

If you don't enjoy it, it is rather doubtful that you could "learn" to enjoy it. In fact, if you attempted to, the result would likely be a new fount of resentment.

It would be better for you BOTH to find something MUTUALLY enjoyable that you can do TOGETHER.