My wife and I have been married for almost two years, and were together for 4 years before that. Approximately 2 months ago she entered into an EA with a much older man. It was clearly at first an emotional affair that moved to physical.

I want our relationship to work, but also am aware she needs to want that too.

I'm having a hard time saying i'm done, and want to move on. Would prying more into the relationship help that? I've been hurt by the information I know, but feel I can move on, as I feel I know the cause. I know most of the communication, especially early was via email, is it going too far to ask to read those emails?

Thanks for any help you all can offer.

Blindsided,

she entered into an EA with a much older man.

This likely means he has a wife, adult children, and adult grandchildren, possibly a secure position at a company. All of these people need to be informed of his infidelity.

Do not warn, threaten or let on what you are doing. Expose completely and suddenly.

God Bless
Gamma

Thank you Gamma, he has been divorced twice himself, but has no children.

Blindsided,

he has been divorced twice himself, but has no children.

Trust that everything he has told your WW was a lie calculated to help OM get what he wants. You need to speak with his ex wives.

Where does he work was your WW a subordinate or student?

God Bless
Gamma

I don't know where he works specifically, but it is unrelated to my wife, they met through a mutual friend. I have tried to track down his ex's but can't find their names, etc. Any suggestions?

Blindsided,

www.veromi.com , linkedin, facebook,

Yes his workplace is related to your WWs affair, the OM needs to be hit where it hurts, this will cause the OM to drop your WW like a hot potato.

God Bless
Gamma.

Thanks, found one of the exs, but can't find her online...

Blindsided,

but can't find her online...

If you know anything about the OM you might also know something about OMexWs, perhaps they share the same activities, so in google type in something like. "Sharon OM-lastname" exotic birds.

The quotes tells google to match the exact text. It took me quite awhile to find OM2 on line, until I remembered his lifelong hobby.

Research about how to do advanced searches on Google.

God Bless
Gamma

Read this link to get perspective on what you are dealing with

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1659680#Post1659680

BlindsidedinMD
The first thing you have to realize is you can't move on or go past what your wife did to you. You will have to go through it piece by piece and get every last detail you think you will need.
It will be very painful but don't make the mistake of leaving anything out that will haunt you later and hinder your MR.
Dr. Harley says a BS needs to get all the details about the A they need to know then never speak of it again.
The amount of detail needed is up to each BS.
I found out that my imagination was worse than the reality. I only read one text conversation and that was all I needed to see the level of intimacy they had.
Read the E-Mails, ask her hard questions just be prepared for honest answers that will be very painful.
I have tried to use what I was told by my FWW to help me learn how to meet her EN's even better than POSOM did.
Read every MB article here get the book SAA.
MB gives you a plan to recover your marriage if you will follow it.

Don't get the cart before the horse! You MUST expose her A. You have to kill the A before MR can even be an option.
WLE2

Welcome to MB, blindsided.

You have been married for less than two years, and your wife has had a PA already. All affairs blindside the betrayed spouse, but this one is particularly startling because your wife should have still been in the honeymoon phase at that point in your marriage.

How old are you both? Is this the first marriage for both of you? Do you have any children? Ages?

How old is this OM? How did your wife come to be involved with him? Is he a colleague, or someone she knew before you married? What do you think your wife to get involved with him?

You need to pry into this relationship a great deal; not just to read the emails and find out about the past, but also to find out about the present. What makes you think the affair is over? Are they still able to contact each other? Has your wife written him a no-contact letter? Has she made her life transparent to you, so that there is no further possibility of secret email communications with anyone in the future? Are your lives now so tightly integrated that she wouldn't have the space or freedom to keep an affair secret?