well....here's an update. Husband and I went to California for 4 days without the kids. Only spoke to the boys a couple of times, we had a great time sight seeing together and just enjoying each others company. We even flew some f-16 flight simulators together, and it was great!! We have rekindled some passion between us.

Now that we are home though, my thoughts of the affair and images of 'what probably happened' between my WH and his OW are haunting me. I want to get past all of it and I want to ask him to tell me everything, but I feel it's too soon for me emotionally to handle what he would say.

On the plus side, he has told me 'feel free to look through his phone any time I feel like it'. So that gives me a little peace of mind. He is very open about phone calls and texts that he does throughout the day. We are still sending flirty texts to each other throughout the day while he is at work.

I still check our account almost daily to make sure no suspicious calls or texts come through.

But is there anything else that I can do to help get these thoughts out of my head? The lingering questions are killing me, but I really want to wait until the fog is completely lifted and that he is in love with me again to ask his my questions. I would love for him to apologize for everything that he put me and the boys through, but I'm not sure he ever will. How can I get closure from the affair and move on with our marriage?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you for always being here to listen to me vent.

If he is true about recovery he should want to answer all your questions.

I would sit him down and tell him you need all your questions answered and then you will not bring up the affair again. Have all your questions ahead of time and try and sit down and do it all in one session. Or you could have him do a polygraph.

Quick update.

I asked him all my questions which he told me that he would answer honestly. I haven't brought up the affair since. He did apologize for putting us through this and he has promised that it will never happen again. We are following the steps in his needs her needs to assure each others needs are being met. And we are currently reading love busters together.

The pain of the affair still stings, but knowing that there is no contact between them really helps.

Even though she is the one who left, he did choose me by not leaving me. He had told her at one point that he was gonna divorce me, but since he never went through with it, she got "fed up" and moved on. So that gives me a little relief.

I think as long as we don't bring the affair up, the memory of it will slowly fade.

Thank you so much for all your advice and help through this situation. I'm really glad that I had someone to talk to and vent with. I didn't have anyone in my life that knew how this felt. Thank you again!! I really appreciate it!

Have all the conditions that allowed the affair been plugged?

Did he write a NC letter to OW?

Glad to hear things are going well. As brainy asked be sure about no contact...a false recovery is from whatt I've read evn more painful than the original betrayal.

I've been checking our phone records and randomly checking his phone. I have not seen anything to suggest that he is talking to her in any way shape or form. What really confuses me, is that he really didn't seem upset when she left. Like it was almost a relief that he didn't have to 'choose' anymore. I found a letter (that he hand wrote) stating that he wasn't confused about what he wanted and that he thought that she was confused about what she wanted. He also stated that she meant everything to him. When I asked him about the letter, he said that he was drunk when he wrote it, and that when she asked him to choose, he chose me. But I have a feeling that he was lying to her about leaving me and that he IS lying to me about how their relationship ended.

Regardless though, he is with me and not with her. And he is no longer talking to her. But I am having a really hard time moving forward. What can I do not to dwell on the past?? The memory of the pain that he put me through, is so hard to shake. How can I forget the pain??

You forget the pain when you and your WH make the present better than the past with a romantic, integrated MB marriage.

Did he write her a NC letter?

What EPs has he given you? What just compensation has he given you?

Have you read all of this?
False Recovery-Need Voices of Experience