i read the thread about exposing and what and how to do it.

my wife has told me (for what that's worth) that she hasn't told ANYONE yet about this not even her parents (which is where she's at). i don't know how i feel about "outing" her to all of these people that know nothing of this.

also - if i were to do this exposing thing i would literally need a script to read from for it. right now i'm so fragile and raw that it's everything i can do to make it through the day. i most assuredly couldn't get on the phone with the wife or even the guy and not trip all over myself.

who would i call?
the wife of the guy of course
do i call the guy? and say what?

Everything you need to know about how to expose, and a script is right here...

Exposure 101

There will be a much bigger chance of reconciling with your wife IF you expose the affair to his wife and WHEN he drop her like hot brick. This OM is married, and married men who have affairs are in it for the free, secret sex. They never had any intention of leaving their wife and kids and do not intend to do so ever for a woman who is so cheap that she will betray her own husband and have sex with a near-stranger. They will text that woman 100 times a day and declare all kinds of love her for, but the minute the affair is revealed to the wife they will beg the wife to forgive them and take them back.

Being married is great for these men. They have no problem being married. The only problem with being married is that they are not supposed to have sex with anybody else, and they want to. They can't do it if there's a chance of being caught, but if a woman throws herself at them and they think they can be undiscovered, they will have sex and a secret relationship with these woman. it's thrilling and exciting, but it is NOT ENOUGH for them to leave home for.

When, after exposure, he drops your wife, she will try to keep the affair going, and you are at risk of a false recovery. If she can persuade OM to bury his tracks even better and keep the affair going, he will probably do that, so your problem after exposure is one of keeping your wife away from him. She is a greater problem in that respect than he is, because she is likely to be "in love" and is probably looking for a way out of her marriage.

However, once he has dropped her at least temporarily, she will have to face the fact that she means nothing to him, and he will throw her under the bus to protect his marriage in a heartbeat. Make exposure happen and then be there offering her the chance of a rebuilt marriage when her weasel soulmate dumps her.

There is NO chance of reconciling with your wife right now while the affair is on. There is a huge chance of reconciling with her when your force OM to drop her, through exposure to his wife.

Be a man and stand up to that OM scum, and fight for your marriage.

You don't need to expose to OM; he already knows he is having an affair with your wife.

You need to contact his wife. You "expose" a fact to someone who does not know about it, not to the people who already know what they're doing.

You are fighting for your marriage and you will find the words to say, no matter how nervous you are. You need to stop letting fear rule you right now.

Of course she hasn't told anyone that she is whoreing around and destroying two families in the process.

Affairees like to keep their dirty little secrets in the dark. Like cockroaches. Turn the light of truth on them and they scurry to hide.

Exposure kills the "fantasy" of the affair. This affair will not feel all rosey when your wife knows that everyone knows.

The OM will probably dump your wife so fast her head will spin, after the OM's wife finds out. I can almost guarantee you that.

You HAVE to tell the OM's wife. She deserves to know the truth about her life!!!!! She can be instrumental to help break up affair.

Did you find the exposure letter template on that thread?

In addition, think about this guy's wife. She's out there with little kids and she likely has no idea what's going on. Your wife is participating in the destruction of a family.

Give this lady the info she needs to navigate her life.

The longer you wait, the more time your WW has to spin the story, leading everyone to believe that you're a terrible husband and she just HAD to break away.

The lawyer knows nothing about saving a marriage or dealing with an affair. A lawyer helps you get divorced.

We have several posters on here who are lawyers and never have I seen anyone advised against TELLING THE TRUTH.

If she's afraid to tell her parents. Then they are one of your best targets because they will put pressure on her to end her affair.

After exposure then read this. "I Encourage BHs to Confront OM" Dr Harley

And that's when your wife will start to see the OM for who he really is, and fall out of "lurve" with him.


Once your wife stops spitting venom at you for exposing, loses the feelings for the loser OM, she will look back on this and see how you FOUGHT for her, and love you even more. Women want their men to fight for them.

hbw....

Here's another analogy about exposure.

Affairs are JUST LIKE addictions. They really are. Picture the OM being your wife's crack pipe. Your wife is not going to want to smoke her crack pipe while everyone is looking at her. She is going to be TICKED that you took her crack pipe away from her, but it must be done. Otherwise she's going to continue to smoke her crack pipe in the dark, and destroy two families in the process, just as if she were smoking a real crack pipe.

I know you're tired and exhausted. Get past this first step of exposure, and that alone should get you to a point where you can sleep for at least a night.

Sitting back and doing nothing is NOT fighting for your marriage. The longer you go without exposing, the more those two will become entrenched in this affair. End it now.

Once this exposure is done, I want you to sleep and rest, and then come back here to find out how to draw your wife back into the marriage with a PLAN to restore the love to your marriage. This plan will work once she comes out of her "fog" and is willing to listen.

Expose. Sleep. Read the plan to restore the love.

There will also be some "extraordinary precautions" that you will both take to prevent another affair from ever happening again. This can be done.

You're in the right place hbw.

this makes perfect sense. thank you.

HOWEVER... i WANT to contact this guy. i want to talk to him. i want to threaten his life. but i know better.

right now fear, sadness and heartbreak are ruling me. i haven't eaten anything in three days.

here's a question... i have the phone # of the guy that did this. but i don't need his i need his wife's phone #. how do i go about getting that?

Do an online search for a landline to the house. My H's OW is in the Belgian phone book. it took me seconds to find the landline number. Use the online electoral roll to find the home address, if you don't already know it.

In this country (the UK) you can ring up directory enquiries, as long as you have a name and home address, and as long as the number isn't unlisted.

Use google to see if you can find a workplace number. If you can find out who she works for, you might get her work phone no. and email in the company web page.

There are hundreds of ways to find her! I found the BH's name, kids' schools, home landline and work landline and email of the husband of my H's OW, who lives in another country, in seconds!

Eat first! You need your energy for this fight.

Expose second.

Then contact loser OM.

Type in the loser's phone number into your browser, and see if anything comes up. I also believe that if you go to the "white pages" website, and put his number in, for a $ you can get a name, which will help you get an address.

There are resources online that will give you this man's info for a small price.

Also, after exposures and sleep, go to RadioShack and get a gps to put on your wife's car.

If you own a computer that your wife uses at home, install a keylogger called eBlaster. You can download that onto the computer in a few minutes straight from the internet. That will probably lead you to see any emails they are probably exchanging and give you a name, and possibly even where he works.

The loser's wife is the first person you need to contact, and then immediately right after that, expose to your wife's friends and family and all of his friends and family.

You're being very passive and looking for reasons to stall. You must know how easy it is to find anybody online, anywhere in the world, even if they don't want to be found.

another thing occurred to me... this just happened 5 days ago. all of my wife's and my finances are co-mingled. direct deposit, credit cards, everything. i can't imagine exposing this as you all are suggesting would be a very good idea when she could clean out all our accounts.

Make sure that the purchases of any spyware do not show up on a credit card bill that your wife gets to see. You will need to pay online for eblaster, so think about how to do that secretly.

After exposures, you can call the guy. Tell him that you will not stop making his life hell, until he leaves your wife alone FOREVER. You can tell him you're coming after him and you're bringing hell with you.

And whatever you do, do not move out of your house.

That's why the day you're going to expose you take your money out and put it into another account and stop all credit cards.

Did you read this?

Follow the Plan here.

Figure out OMBW's contact information.


Is she on OM's Facebook contact list?

Save all OM's Facebook contacts to a word doc for exposure.

You've read the Exposure 101 thread, correct?

Now get ready to follow it.

When will you be exposing? And tell us who is on your list.