Please read this.
Conflict Avoidance is the Kiss of Death

Again, he does not wait until "LATER" to confront the OM. His focus should be on exposing AND confronting the OM all within the same 48 hours. That is not later.

You are making serious strategic mistakes because you are so emotional. It is understandable that you would be emotional, but does it make sense to reject the advice of those who a) are not emotional and b) have a successful track record at saving marriages?

Do you have a background in saving marriages? Do you think you are qualified to know how to do it?

How will the OM's wife find out about the affair if you won't tell her? Do you realize your wife and her creepy husband are exposing an innocent party to STDs?

How can she protect herself and her children from them if you won't tell her?

I made the mistake of not exposing my wifes first affair. That left his innocent wife unknowing, living with an adulterer. It left me bitter, and my fww had no consequences other than my pain, so she had another affair a few years later.

First of all, hbw, put the alcohol AWAY. Do NOT try to anesthetize yourself to the pain that you are going through. You've got a chemical cocktail going, with alcohol and Xanax - don't do this to your body or your wits. You are also not eating. This will not help you. You need your wits about you to kill this affair, sir.

Next: God already knows. He's watching to see what your plan is going to be.

Your plan needs to be to expose this to the people who can pressure your WW and OM to end the affair. You have a HUGELY valuable tool: OM is MARRIED WITH LITTLE KIDS. USE THIS. Contact his wife. Let her know what is going on. She will be invaluable to you.

You appear to be meek and, I'm sorry, WEAK right now. I understand - you are blown away by this. But you are going to have to get fired up, here, hbw. You're going to have to help your WW do something she obviously can't do herself: end the affair. She is an addict right now. They aren't good at putting down their drug all by themselves. She's going to need your help.

Are you up to doing this and saving your marriage? Or would you like to just blog?

I agree with Maritalbliss, put the alcohol away.

Alcohol does not really dull pain. It might make you more drowsy, but it is probably making you MORE emotional. Alcohol intensifies the feelings you are having. If it dulled pain I wouldn't see alcoholics drunk out of their minds sobbing.

hbw,

Even if you do wait for your wife to come to her senses this week, which I guarantee you she won't, not exposing the affair will give her the protection to needs to resume her affair at anytime or have another one later. Exposing the affair is the consequence that will make her (or her POSOM) decide to end it once and for all, and to know that she does not have the license to have one anytime she wants. Dr. Harley says that exposure offers betrayed spouses the very best chance they have of crushing the affair and saving their marriage. It's the very best tool at your disposal, hbw. And the longer you delay the longer she and her POSOM will assault you and the poor other woman with the abuse of their adultery. Delaying this will only give your wife a chance to carefully plan an exit strategy that will make you look like a bad husband and justifies her choices. If you gather your evidence, gather the names and contact information of the people you are going to expose the affair to, and act swiftly, you will have dropped a huge bomb on the affair. You want that atomic bomb affect.

You have gotten consistent advice from people here who saved their marriages and helped others do the same using Dr. Harley's methods, but you will not take it. You don't want to save your marriage?

Your wife is firm in her resolve to continue her affair. You are being trampled on and so is the POSOM's poor wife, and you are not willing to do anything about it.

I'm sorry to say this, but you are letting fear dictate your ever step. You are being a coward. Man up!

Regarding confronting the other man, you are making every excuse in the world to avoid this. My wife once had a guy try to seduce her. He was good and almost succeeded. The night she told me about it, I took action. The next afternoon I visited him at his office and made him an offer he could not refuse. The guy disappeared for good after that.

Had I had the opportunity to confront the OM in her recent affair, it would have been lights out. Maybe not the best advice, but better than standing by passively while he plugs her.

HBW,
I was in your same situation just 5 weeks ago. Everyone here gave me the same advice to expose the A and I must admit it felt like a very foreign concept to me at the time and I really didn't want to do it at first. But then I thought that I had absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain so I did it. The OM was the son of a close family friend. My W respected and valued the older couple very much. I simply called the father and told him about the affair. The father was extremely upset that his son would even contemplate having an affair with a married woman. The father immediately call the son and hammered him. Later that afternoon, my wife secretly texted the OM again after swearing to me many times she would never contact him again. But on these texts, the OM was pissed at my W for "throwing him under the bus" and potentially ruining his father/son relationship. He was mad at my W for telling me about the A and he was mad as hell that I called his father. This brought negative feelings from the OM towards my W. And it also brought shame, humiliation, guilt to my W because she knew that the father now knew what had happened. This shocked her system so much that it killed the emotional attachment to the OM instantly. I compare it to pouring a five gallon bucket of water on a match. It completely doused the flame instantly. I also exposed the A to my mother who my W highly respects and admires. So it only took exposing it to two people that my W really held in high regards to snuff the A right out. It worked like a charm. But, had it not worked as well I was going to unleash a full scale assault and expose the A to her entire family and many friends the very next day. When I told her about exposing it, she crumbled like a rag doll, crawled into the closet and balled up in the corner of the floor and cried for an hour. It was painful but was also completely necesary and it was the one thing that brought her back to her senses. Had the OM been married, I would have definitely have contacted his W first. You need to rock her world right now and unleash a campaign of exposing that will take the wind right out of her sails. It works! Do it today!

HBW

You won't have this chance to make EXPOSURE the most effective tool for killing the affair for long.

Muster up the courage to be the man of the house, and blow this affair wide open.

Sitting by and doing nothing is endorsing and enabling the affair.

This is the first and most important step to take if you truly want to end the affair and begin to heal, and improve, your marriage.