I hope not and I'm not his boss. We work in completely different depts its just I'm a manager of my dept. In response to someone else's response I have never seen the guy in the 4 years I've worked here so I'm not worried about running into him. I explained when possibly my wife would see him but it would be rare and only for 15-20 seconds at a time.

Something is not lining up with the way your wife is acting as you describe.
She is protecting him it does appear. JustLooking is absolute dead on.
She is probably lying to you about several things, you need to be cautious, be calm, cool, James Bond.
How can you work in the same building as this guy that did your wife? Think about the relentless triggers you will experience.
You both need to go, or he needs to go.
Maybe you should talk with HR.

Somebody posted about thinking she's still in the relationship. Can I believe anything she says at this point? She cried and told me her feelings about how she felt used and upset because he stopped responding to her when she told him she just wanted to be friends. She said she feels stupid that and that she thought she meant more to him than that (even though I knew a man was a man). This is after she has shared every detail about the relationship I asked (I hadn't found this website before I asked her for the details).

I've read on other websites that this is not exactly off limits either that it depends on the person. I think I would be the type of person that would have more trouble with the unknown rather than the known no matter how bad it is. Like I mentioned we went through this about 4 1/2 - 5 years ago and I never fully got disclosure on what happened and it actually bothers me more than this instance even though I know this was an emotional and sexual relationship and my wife swears the other one was just emotional.

We have a campus with 3 buildings and we work in separate ones. I have never seen the guy but my wife confessed which building he works in and I confirmed with our Org Chart and his manager.

I do feel like something isn't adding up and she may be hiding something. I'll explain why, yesterday she said she wanted to go to a friends house because her friend (girl) asked her to help her with a crafts project for one of her kids b-day's this weekend. I know the friend well and they have kids roughly the same age as we do and she said she would take the kids with her so I wouldn't think she was lying. I completely trust she would not take our kids with her to see another guy or leave them with her friend while she went somewhere because she knows they would tell me. Well anywhay we were just hanging out and having a good time so she ended up not going for no specific reason. Well today at lunch she said she was going to go today since she didn't yesterday but then said she would not take the kids because her friends kids were with their grandma. She asked if I believed her or had an issue with that. I told her not really because her friend lives about half a mile away and I could easily check on her if I desired and she said ok. She said she understood and that I could do whatever I needed to do but then I mentioned if she had an issue with me putting a locator on her cell phone (gps). The tone of our lunch really changed after that. She said I could put it on but that it would bother her and she thought it was stupid to do that. She said that she felt it was going too far even though she had nothing to hide. Inevitably she brought something up that hurt her in the past and got mad and shut down. She left angry from lunch and exchanged a couple of texts but said she didn't want to discuss it anymore because she was in a bad mood and there would be no resolution. It really feels like the GPS idea really bothered her so I am not sure what to believe.

Your thoughts? And thanks to all that take the time to respond BTW, I really appreciate your opinions and insight.

Your wife is in the middle of an active affair. Waywards lie. period. The next step is to go back to post# 2 and see "Start here".

Kill the affair. Kill the affair. Kill the affair

You both need to go, or he needs to go.

Do you understand how addictive affairs are? They're like the crack pipe to a crack addict.

You need to expose this to their workplace.

Are you telling me your company is ok with an affair between coworkers and a married woman?

Also how do you know if you haven't seen this OM in 4 years if you don't know his name?

You need to get his name and expose.

Do you want to fight for your marriage or not?

We can't help you and your marriage if you sit back and continue to allow these 2 to work together under your nose.

I'm sorry to tell you, but people already know at your workplace about these two having an affair under your nose.

I understand they are addicting but I'm pretty sure the OM ended it. I found out about the affair because I became suspicious and proved it with records. The records show the communication has stopped. I do know the OM's name. My wife didn't want to tell me for a long time but I read it in a message, saw a picture and confirmed in an org chart at my company and verified his pic on facebook matched the name.

My company is ok with co-workers having relationships and does not get involved in marital issues. I believe its against the law to strictly prohibit just specific relationships if not all are prohibited.

I do want to fight for my marriage, that is the reason I am seeking advice. Exposing in this case will only hurt/embarrass me mostly and my wife less than me. The OM is single and couldn't care less.

RED FLAGS!!!!
Danger Will Robinson!!!

Go back and start again as directed.

The way to get her to that point is for her to leave that job. Recovery is impossible as long as she still sees the OM. Every time she sees him puts her back to day 1 of recovery.

"I do want to fight for my marriage, that is the reason I am seeking advice. Exposing in this case will only hurt/embarrass me mostly and my wife less than me. The OM is single and couldn't care less."

Exposure will help your wife wake up and see the damage she has done. Keeping it a big secret harms you all.

Does your company really not care that a workplace affair puts them at legal risk? That is astonishing news. When we say expos� at work, we mean exposing to HR and a key VP, not to the employee pool.

Workplace exposure letter - be sure and send to 3 key people and cc each on the letter. Good targets would be the Director of Human Resources, a key VP and both affairee's supervisor. This can be sent via registered letter or even via email!

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney--

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,
_________________________

Stop. Just stop.

I was in your shoes 3 years ago...POSOM was a SINGLE male, worked at my W's workplace.

I know it seems scary, counterintuitive, but it works. Please listen to the vets here.

Here's what you need to do, and NOW:

1. Follow the link on Melody's thread.

2. EXPOSE to the workplace, like YESTERDAY. EXPOSE to family, friends...shine a light on the filth.

3. Either OM leaves, or W leaves. They cannot work together.

I thought the same thing -- for awhile. The POS is single blah blah blah...work will do nothing blah blah blah.

All excuses to delay.

Exposure will shine light on the evil, NO employer wants to even sniff the possibility of a lawsuit, of charges of harassment, of jeopardizing profits.

You are wasting a golden opportunity here to save your marriage, to save your wife from going down this destructive path.

STOP with the hesitation.

START the action!

Huh. My husband could put any tracking device he wanted to on me. Whatever. Geez, would that be boring for poor Mr. B! Grocery store, dry cleaners', work... He could have a PI follow me - whatever. Because I have nothing to hide. Your wife, sir, has something to hide.

Her comment that it is 'stupid' to put a GPS on is her way of bullying you. Don't fall for it.

Now. Having said all that. STOP SHOWING YOUR HAND!! DON'T TELL HER WHAT YOU PLAN TO DO TO CHECK UP ON HER!! Tell her NOTHING about spying devices, tracking devices or any other devices. Don't tell her about this website. Don't try to educate her about her behavior.

Get your snooping tools in place. Now. She's lying to you. The affair is still on.

Thanks for the advice. I have prepared the exposure letter and will email to our HR manager tomorrow. If nothing else she can speak tongue two of them. The only reason I have hesitation is that I know the HR manager very well as I work with her on many projects and employee issues. I am also working on advancing my career and I think about how this can hurt. Ultimately my marriage is more important and I will go ahead with it. Hopefully it helps and I will update.

I do agree with all of you that it seems she is hiding something. I am not clueless it's just such a tough situation.

TSM,

Get a polygraph because WS minimize, if WW says it was emotional it was physical, if WW say protection there was none, if it was one time it was 20.

But first you need to expose OM, he has family, grandparents, perhaps a church community.

God Bless
Gamma

Don't send it just to the HR manager. Copy the President/CEO/and Supervisor who is over OM and your WW.

I would also suggest you demand a response from your letter. Have you read the sample workplace exposure letter on this site?

Did you see this workplace exposure template from the Exposure thread?