I would like to thank everyone who is here that has helped me during the most difficult time of my life. I really wish I had never needed to find this site but I was in such an awful place after 5/9/13 that I was searching for anything I could find to help me. And help is just what I found here and I would like to thank everyone here from the bottom of my heart. I had absolutely no idea about what to do and the posters here gave me perfect advice that worked and worked quickly. In just a short time, with the help of the book and posters, I have come a long way and am now moving my marriage to a place that was better than ever. Exposing the A estinguished the A like a match being doused with a five gallon bucket of water. My W aplogizes nearly every day expressing remorse and shame about her EA that lead to a weekend physical A. She is also reading the book and we are going to follow it forever. I now know exactly what her needs are and she knows mine. I feel very fortunate that things were fairly simple with my wife's A compared to many on this site. And I feel so sorry for everyone who has to endure such pain and suffering. I just finished reading a new post from another new person and it almost brings tears to my eyes to know that he is in the exact same place that I was only a few short weeks ago. But I would also like to give him hope that there is a well-defined strategy that will work and that things will improve one day soon. I know that awful feeling of such utter despair that he is going through right now where his world has been totally shattered and the one person he thought he could trust has deserted him and left him to suffer all alone. It has to be the most horrible feeling a human can feel but I hope that he will read this and know that help is right here and that there is hope where it seems there is none. I got my wife back and he can do the same. She was gone someplace else and turned into another person for a few weeks, a person who I have never seen and hope never returns. But she is back now and we are going to work hard to make sure we both live the rest of our lives together in total happiness. Thanks again & God Bless! Greg

MB is the best place to land for some of the worst days we may ever go through.

Dr. Harley has made an excellent plan to recover marriages. We say around here "you may not recover your marriage but if you learn the MB concepts you WILL have personal recovery".

We are the MB family and most of us didn't join under good circumstances, but are glad we did.

Glad to hear that Marriage Builders has helped you so much, Greg. It looks like you did great work!

Hugs to you, my friend!!

Congrats, Greg. Happy for you. Though it was your wife who made the mistake, she also admitted it to you with no prompting and showed remorse. Many betrayed husbands wish their wives had done the same.

Good luck to you both.

Yes she did and I am grateful for that. Although it was a relatively short EA that lead to a weekend A on a weekend trip out of town, the thoughts and images are still right near the surface inside my head. I am able to think about normal things and now have normal days. But I still think about the A, the deception, sneaky activity, lies and the act several times a day. Those thoughts will never completely go away but I have forgiven her and will be fine in time. Thanks again!

Congratulations on the forward Progress! That is excellent news.


Yes, if you work the program you will absolutely be fine in time.


I want to caution you on your Forgiveness mindset at this point. Dr Harley discourages forgiveness in the case of an A. Please look into this a little more in the articles section of this site.

Keep working the program!

Here's what Dr. H says about forgiveness. He talks about Just compensation.

Can't We Just Forgive and Forget

I'm betting Greg understands that forgiveness does not mean there is a clean slate and EP's should be thrown by the wayside. He seems to be a quick study who has read up on Dr. Harley's stuff and understands there is a long road to recovery and that we are all wired for an affair.

The great thing about his story is that both he and his wife want to have a marriage with romantic love and are learning to meet each others EN's and avoid LB's.

It is beautiful to see two people come out of a tragedy stronger. Yes, there are miles to go before you sleep, but congratulations on getting to where you are so fast.

I concur don't stop posting! Follow the program!

I remember in the early stages of our R when we 'hyper bonded' and some days it was easy to get caught up in the moment (in a positive way).

Encouraging Greg to continue to take this step by step is the winning formula. We would all agree on that! Forgiveness is tricky because, like myself, I was just happy to have my family back together and is all too easy to label your mindset to your WS as �forgiven�.

Dr Harley says you should not forgive a WS after an A. I haven�t forgiven my FWW. Never will. However over time, with her help, I am taking the bourdon of carrying around resentment off my shoulders�brick by brick.

The caution is to make sure Greg isn't getting caught up in the moment to the extent he forgives prematurely or skips steps which could hinder the big picture of their R.

He may not even be aware of the 6-8month mark in which anger of the situation can take over. Once things have started to settle down a bit and life goes back into somewhat of a �normal� mode. Dr Harley has talked about this and I also experienced it.

Oh yes, I fully understand that there is much work to be done and work that will need to be done on an ongoing basis to allow our marriage to continue to grow and thrive long term. Having been through a failed marriage, I realized that it took continually work to maintain and grow a marriage. And I did work at it and monitor it and tried to never be complacent or allow things to become too routine or dull. And, despite my efforts, I really did not understand her most important need of conversation. I have always said that marriage can be like a river. The flow of the river slowly erodes the bank over time. You may not see the erosion from day to day, week to week, or month to month or even realize it is happening at all. But if you wait for a couple of years or even ten years and return to the river bank you will notice an obvious change which has resulted from the erosion. It is slow and you can not see it happening right in front of your eyes. We have to fight this erosion every day to prevent it from happening to our marriage.

That is why MB's is so awesome. If you fully incorporate Dr Harley's philosophies into your M, there is no erosion! Ever.

The river banks are 100' tall and made of solid concrete.