Rocketqueen,

My wife can see us living in the house we are in for 4 years, 8 years, or even forever.

It is a beautiful house, for sure.

Part of the thing is that we have always just let things rest. When we do, they get buried and nothing happens unless the issue is forced to bubble up and we deal with it.

Like Holidays. If we didn't do anything or talk about it, we automatically went to her parents house upstate. Always. Last year is the first year we have done anything differently.

That is because we didn't let go of the discussion until we came up with something using an enthusiastic POJA.

how can two people be so close but so far away?

More UA tonight.

Will keep you posted.


We also have a 1:1 with Steve tomorrow morning, which will help focus us in the right direction and get us moving forward together.

We need a boot camp really. Not a 1 hour session.

My wife and I moved as part of recovery.

With everything you shared, you've possibly got some different dynamics going on than we had though.


After 4 years of recovery she came to me and asked to move. Although I was surprised, I agreed to her request.
Why was I surprised?
Because she swore she was not going to allow the affair to cause her to give up her home. And we had completely remodeled everything in the house.

Why does your wife really want to hang on to the home?
Is it possible she has a need to hold on to "her" home in spite of the affair?

HerPapaBear - thank you for the suggestion.

We are going through all options - it is me, not my wife that is going through the motions of wanting to move.

Working with the MB program - I can see that I have been driven down this path by a pretty big ego. Yes, mine was flaring.

I am trying to go through what my "real" issues are. Namely the problems I have been masking with my inlaws ( my perception ), and our own personal financial problems.

By working through it ( with MB's help ), I have started to see that I am reflecting/blaming our financial issues on my in-laws. In some sense, I believe they play a part, but it is a very very small part.

My wife and I desperately need to sort out a financial foundation for our lives that will sustain us both short term and long term into retirement.

That is also one of my big EN's. Financial security. Funny huh?

It was very difficult to swallow, but as the self realization hit me of what the true issues were that I was going through I could actually feel some of the burden lift.

We have SOOOOOOO much to go through for sure. Once we get moving on a track together in the right direction we will be able to tackle the move or not move questions.

Thank You everyone for helping and taking the time to respond.