There may be more to this than simple waywardness, This assumes facts not in evidence, LL.

...advising against Lovebusters never fails to be good advice. Sold! So, when will the cadre here speak to the WW about the unmitigated crap in which she has been engaging? Up above, there was NO ONE who more than me ripped into RNR for HIS moronic contributions to this soap-opera. Since then, he has minded his manners, even (foolishly, in reflection) giving her $500 because she wanted it. That same NO ONE has whacked Mrs Cen with the same size/brand of two-by-four.

It does not assume facts. He's the one that admitted how he "escorted" her out the door, how he called the police to make a point, and so on. The punishment is in evidence. Punishment makes this a situation that is more than waywardness. She's not wayward in thinking that she wants no part of being abused, though she's wayward in not implementing EP's.

Dr. Harley advises that when a WW comes out of withdrawal, she may start calling him names, telling him how badly he's treated her, and other such Lovebusters, but the BH MUST NOT lovebust back. It's true men are more frightening with their anger - they are stronger and bigger, intimidating.

I don't think too many posters are suggesting she is doing her part, just that RNR hasn't helped her to want to try.

LL,

BH's are advised ALL THE TIME to carry a VAR in case there is a false allegation of domestic abuse. I do not know what the actual case is here. Things just are not adding up.

Mrs cen going to him and getting cash then heading to the casino just does not sound like someone who is working the program, shoring up boundaries with EP.

Mrs cen leaves for her safety then returns for gambling money.

Something is just way off here.

Part of the basics is that waywards lie.

I was only repeating what I've heard Dr. Harley say numerous times.
The BH is advised by posters many times to carry a VAR. Whether they do or not, it doesn't change the fact that Dr. Harley advises to not lovebust.

It's not an allegation that he manhandled her out the door, then justified why he treated her that way.

People who abuse lie, too.

Again, I'm not saying mrs_cen is behaving well herself, but the love busting has simply got to stop. Who's going to work on it first? Dr. Harley usually tries to get the husband to do so first.

I am absolutely amazed by this thread.

Mb principles is to avoid dj's and that is all I have seen from posters on this thread. **EDIT**

Rnr I believe has been honest with us. Even when he dragged his wife out the door he told us without trying to hide it.

Mrs cen is a ww. Ww's lie all of the time. Because rnr had a bad angry outburst, everyone now assumes that any problems that happen are from angry outbursts.

Rnr several times described her ao, but because mrs cen, (who is a ww and all ww's lie) doesn't mention them everyone assumes rnr is to blame.

He thinks she leaves and the response is "good, she wasn't safe" when we have NO IDEA of the circumstances, or if rnr has been having ao. That was completely and utterly inappropriate and disrespectful.

Because of ONE bad Ao **EDIT** you ASSUME that he is having them all of the time as and that Mrs cen is just an innocent helpless thing weathering the storm.

**EDIT**

I read the last few days of responses and it made me sick.

And RNR, I do believe you when you say you forgot about the pics, I have pics of my wife that I have forgotten about. However I do have to say that busse knives are over hyped, over priced, and I'm not a fan of jerry busse.

**EDIT**

If he was "honest" about it, then we have no reason to believe his wife lied about that incident. What we do have to do is give this poster advice that is consistent with that of Dr Harley. And when there has been physical violence, the next step is to separate until the anger is under control. THAT is what Dr Harley says to do.

And that is what we should tell this poster's wife to do.

And I don't know why the practice of "DJs" was introduced. As posters, we are not trying to fill each others lovebanks so disrespectful judgments would not be relevant to this discussion.

**edit**

A reminder to posters that the purpose of this forum is to help this poster with MB concepts. If you are not familiar with MB concepts, then please refrain from posting. Don't disrupt this thread lecturing other posters. Notify the moderators and let us take care of the lectures.

Thank you

**edit**

Moderator's note: do not disrupt this thread again! Help this poster with Marriage Builders solutions or refrain from posting.

Addicts, over the long haul, become master manipulators and cons to continue to feed their addictions.

Her conning you out of money again and again just so she can continue to feed her gambling addiction is cruel.
She has no remorse either.... Typical sign of an "active" addict.

From the sound of things, I'm not sure she is capable of remorse.

This situation is soooo typical of an addict and the enabler. The only caveat is that she is a wayward woman as well.

She has all the classic con games going on. Guilt the enabler enough to get what she wants and then cry wolf..... I've seen many addicts like her before. Dr. H says it's pointless to recover with an addict until their addiction is completely under control.

She's got you dancing and jumping through so many hoops that it's a miracle you have any ability to keep any of your emotions in check. (though I'm not excusing your AO's here)

You should not be trying to meet her needs until she stops her gambling addiction.

She is using you! Just like all addicts do!

I watch so many drunks pick a fight with their spouses just so the can justify leaving and heading back to the bar!

PlanB is what Dr. H prescribes for dealing with addicts.

Cut off her source of funds!

So do abusive husbands.

Have you found an anger management group, RNR?

Also a good clip on gambling addiction.

Radio Clip on Gambling

Hi, yes I have found a counselling service which works with people on budgets to help us.

My wife sent an email today. She was contacted within minutes by Joyce and we have been invited to be on the show. My wife is calling her this morning.

Thank you guys!

Good. When do you start?
Have you read what Dr. Harley says about anger, and does this service line up with what he says needs to be done to eliminate anger? Not all anger management programs are equal or productive.

I have contacted them and am awaiting a reply for booking. They seem to be in line with what is needed.

Let us know when you are on the show.

The fact that they teach Relaxation techniques is very good.
The two things that concern me are "How to replace these patterns with a model of assertive anger" and "Effective and healthy ways of expressing anger." Be very leery of anything they tell you about those two items. You do not need to express anger in "healthy" ways and you have no need for assertive anger.

I'd like an answer to this: Have you read what Dr. Harley says about eliminating anger? It will help you in picking out the good from the bad advice in any anger management program.