Do you have kids? Do you have any money set aside?

We have two kids 15 and almost 19. I don't have money set aside. We share bank accounts/credit cards.

Can you take half of your money?

Have you researched your options?

Are you in AlAnon?

Yes, I could take half. I haven't researched all of my options. I did email a lawyer when H left for six days.

No, Ma'am.

Dr. Harley would strongly encourage you to join. Did you read the Alcoholic Spouse article I posted to you? What do you think?

What did the lawyer say?

Also, I really think you should go to Plan B or separate until he gets into a treatment and is sober.

Please read. How to Plan B Correctly

You need to get into Alanon and separate from your husband since he has made it clear to you that he has no intention of giving up alcohol.

There is no marriage as long as your H has an addiction to alcohol.

Your best opportunity to turn this marriage around is to make your plans to separate from your H. He will need to join AA and be sober for at least a year.

Please don't think immediately of all the reasons this can't be done. This will shut down any further thinking and brainstorming. You can find a job and find a way to do this.

The alternative is to stay in a miserable marriage with a lying addict.

Do you have friends or family you can go to for help?

You should see a lawyer and find out what your options are in case of separation.

I looked for one in my area, but couldn't find one.(I'll look again) I did read the article, and according to Dr Harley, my husband is an alcoholic.

I emailed the lawyer because I was worried about finances. My H left for six days (that's the longest he's been gone) and I wasn't sure if he was coming home. He apparently doesn't worry about finances, and just disappears for days at a time. The lawyer wanted me to call him, but H came home.

That was all fine and well until H informed me tonight, he won't stop drinking. I want to save this, but I feel like it's impossible.

In cases like yours, Dr. Harley sometimes works with the wife to start developing a career. She might take a year or so getting educated and prepared. Once she can support herself, she can then separate. At that point he MAY be motivated to change and recover the marriage, or she can go on and take care of herself without him.

But if the emotional trauma is really bad, it is best to go to Dr. Harley's "Plan B" immediately, to protect yourself.

Ah, just now caught up on some of the other posts and saw you may have legal options to support from him. I would definitely pursue that! You could obtain enough support to get yourself started and taken care of until you can develop a career.

Dr. Harley also DEFINITELY recommends Al-Anon for cases like this.

Al-Anon (not the same as Alcoholics Anonymous) is for family members of alcoholics or other addicts and can provide support and teach you a lot of things you need to know for this situation.

Please get into an AlAnon group.

Can you get into your doctor for ADs?

Contact your lawyer back.

I live in Fl, I'm pretty sure I have legal options. But I want to save this mess. Is that possible?

I'll look for one in the morning. And I can get AD's. I can contact the lawyer again, but I want to stay married. Can this be fixed?

Also, regardless of what happens, I will be looking for work to support myself.

It is possible, but only if your H stops drinking and is committed to treatment.

He's already told me he won't quit drinking. When he told me he loved me more than anything; that was just another lie, too.

A great marriage takes both spouses. One can prime the pump but the other one must join in in order to make it work.

Preparing for a separation doesn't inevitably lead to divorce. It is certainly a risky option, but staying an unhappy marriage with a lying alcoholic is risky for your own emotional health, as well as your physical health.

By staying in the marriage, you are enabling your spouse to behave badly. A separation will not only allow you to see things more clearly but will also force your husband to come to a decision about his life.

He will either continue drinking or he will seek help and stop drinking, which is the first step in the marriage recovery program. He has no such requirement to decide with you right there.

You simply cannot go wrong by looking into all your options and by creating a financial plan and career path for yourself.

Find out about women's shelters in your area. Many of them offer crisis counseling. Call Dr. Harley for telephone counseling. You can do this for free. Look into the local community college for their programs.

I went back to college at age 38 by starting at a nearby community college, then moving to the university after two years. Graduated with a BS in finance at age 42. It's never too late here in the US for an education. Plenty of people can get financial aid. Look into and research all the options.

Only if you set the bar very high for him and he decides to reach it.

It is not saveable if you do not draw a line.

It is not saveable while he has an addiction to alcohol. All you can do is protect yourself. He may respond to that by deciding to get help, in which case this can be saved, or he may continue to do what he is doing, in which case there is no hope.

It is only saveable if you leave that decision up to him.

Please check out Al-Anon. You need it.