Once or twice for a few seconds is a few seconds TOO MANY. Do not let it go. Do NOT.

Well, we had a good lunch. We got along good, joked a bit and nothing negative (first ime in last 3 attempts). She posted 2 pictures of us together on FB today. This is the first time since Easter (I believe this was slightly before any contact with the OM began).

She posted "10 yrs (heart) 4 kids (heart) hard times (heart) and whole lot of happiness...I can't imagine goin thru any of it without u. I love u more u will ever know."

I guess its a good sign that she's at least trying to work things out considering it had been more than 2 months since she last even referenced me on her FB. Time will tell, and comments are always welcome and apprecieated.

Maybe my willingness to bend on this for now will help my wife see how hard I am willing to fight for our marriage.

Um....NOT!


What your wife WILL see, however, is that you didn't fight for HER or your MARRIAGE.

Your so-called "willingness to bend" = "willingness to allow my wife to remain engaged in adultery and destroy our family".

Yeah, keep telling yourself that, fella.

One or the other leaves the job. TODAY.

Bad idea. Putting a bandaid over a bullethole only delays the inevitable decay and death. Do it right the first time.

Trust me this is temporary for me. I will keep urging this as I know that she will be affected anytime she sees him. She will not agree to ask to not be sent to cover at our location when needed at this point and I know how stubborn she is and its not going to change at this point. I'm hoping getting her LB built up will make her care about my feelings and hurt regarding this situation. I have no intention on giving up on this.

Thanks for adding that, JL24.

I putzed with this for far too long...

TXST: she or the OM must leave that job. Period.

Don't cut corners.

Karmarose, helpfordad and Justlooking24, I know how risky this is and how seeing the OM at all will affect her but what do you suggest I do? We have spoken about this multiple times and she will not ask to not be sent to work at our location because she feels it will make her seem unreliable and unprofessional at work. Also, she is not willing to leave her employement at this point.

I notified our HR dept and the two of them have been spoken to and made aware of company policy and that they will be watched very closely. It is not against company policy to have a relationship with a co-worker as long as it doesn't happen at work and that one does not supervise the other. The HR manager and my wife told me they were spoken to, this did upset my wife because she insists the physical A has been over for about a month but the friendship was going on until about 2 1/2 weeks ago. She said it was really her trying to keep the frinedship alive because once she told him she was not interested in any kind of physical relationship he started beiong an @#$ to her and the only reason they kept in contact was because it was hard for her to just let go of the feelings she had built up.

Advice is needed because I don't know what to do.

We are giving you advice! You just don't want to take it. She must leave her job or transfer or your marriage will go up the river!

I understand you keep saying that but she won't leave. It is then up to me to decide what I'm gonna do because she already has told me over about the last week multiple times she would not leave or ask to not be sent to this location and I had to deal with it or decide what I wanted to do.

So do you want to be with a woman who chooses her job over your marriage?

Can you see how not following our advice makes you look like a weak, scared man?

You set her leaving the job as a condition for you to remain in the marriage and work on recovery.

Either he leaves, she leaves..........................

or you LEAVE!! (divorce)

x1000


She has told you that she won't. That gives you your answer. That tells you all you need to know. You are not anywhere close to recovering.

I hate to say it but maybe she's doing all the lovey dovey stuff to get you to back off. Throwing you some crumbs so she can continue to run into him and get that high.

You're underestimating the power of the addiction and though she says he's backed off, this thing can and will catch fire again at any time.

Tell her it's a requirement. Then you'll find out how serious she is about recovery. I'd also e scheduling a polygraph so you can know what happened once and for all. It's unlikely they only had sex once.

Lastly, she was just texting her friend the other day about how hot he is! She's gaslighting you and you're letting her. Don't let the fear of losing her dictate your actions. You cannot recover when making choices from FEAR.

TX do you have a smartphone? Have you downloaded the marriage builders radio app? I think you should its free too. Today's show is about a WW and BH, WW had a workplace affair and she is reluctant to quit her job because of it. You should download it and hear this show it tackles your issue about the workplace.

I understand. Honestly, I don't really care about looking weak or whatever at this point I just care about saving my marriage. I know how much harm it does for her to keep seeing him and I appreciate the advice.

Thanks, I'll download it today and see if I can hear it.

I was you a few years Back TX. Too scared and weak to make a stand for my wife. It almost killed me and my marriage.

You know when things started turning around?

When I took a stand and started fighting for my wife and marriage. When I stopped accepting emotional and physical sloppy seconds from my wife.

You can continue with Plan TX. It will fail. Your wife will continue her affair and you will lose everything.

Or you can grow a spine and tell her the conditions you will need to attempt recovery.

Do you think she respects a man would allow her to keep having sex with other men because he was too scared? Do you realize everytime she sees this scumbag she will be having emotional or physical sex with him?

Trust me I know. Those text messages somebody referenced were a week after she told me she wanted to work things out. I was livid, I know you know the emotions I'm going through and I'm sure I will eventually snap back into reality and take control of this situation like I always have in the past, its just like nothing I've ever dealt with honestly.

I know you're just trying to help and I appreciate it and I want you to know its not falling on deaf ears.

TX Man:

I understand that you are afraid to make this stand. That the ultimatum might cause her to walk away (Which she has indicated to you.) I do not think she will actually go there, though.

But you don't comprehend the nature of the addiction. Understand that if she even sees his car in the parking lot, she will get the hit off her "crack." He doesn't have to respond to her in any way, in order for her to keep getting the "high".

And it keeps her "in the fog".

And while she is in the fog, she cannot "see" you. Or your pain. Or allow you to make love bank deposits.

And you cannot move forward.

And living in this limbo-land will cause YOU to lose your love for her. Very quickly.

So that you will never be able to recover your marriage.

YOU are the only one fighting for your marriage right now. This is the battle.

You can do this.

My WH was exactly where your wife is last March. I was exactly where you are. We both learned the hard way that no contact is the ONLY way forward.

Your WW must make the break from any contact with the OM. Right now, finally, completely and forever.