I'm going to talk to him but sometimes when I do talk to him he gets mad when I tell him something or when I tell him the truth he is kind of sensitive like that i think because he had a relationship with someone a long time ago and she left him...... He has low self esteem sometimes too cause of how his parents would treat him

He will need to control his anger when you tell him. Does he have a problem controlling his temper?

MB doesn't spend a lot of time looking back into our past to explain our current behaviors. What matters is building good habits for the present and the future. MB doesn't even talk much about "self esteem," because too much self esteem is actually a bad thing. So don't worry about the self esteem.

Just tell your husband you have something to say to him and tell him what's been going on and that you need his help in ending this attraction.

The next step would be to start building a romantic, passionate, safe marriage that will endure for decades to come.

on occasion he does but when he doesn't control it its like a thing where I have to leave but I cant

I know if I tell him even if nothing has happend to that point it's like he will do something where I don't want to say he won't control his temper

What do you mean when you say you "have to leave but I can't?" Does he or has he ever laid a hand on you?

No he hasn't but les just say once he got mad for something his family did and at our house he started arguing with me fir what they said and broke 2 drawers from a really old good dresser ive had since I was little then he regretted it and apologized for that :-/ he shouldn't have done it ,
It got so bad tht I had to say I was pregnant so he would stop then 2 days later I had to tell him I had to say that so he would stop.... He didn't get mad

But I wasn't pregnant. He has never hit me.

Yes, I understand.

How long ago was this? Does he have a problem with being angry in general?

That's almost a year, he is a sweet guy but on occasion I wish he didn't have a temper like if something upsets him even little things at time. And that's why I don't want to even mention anything because his anger when you tell him something even if you don't mean to hurt him, he has a tendency to get mad and drive and that's not a good thing I've been on car with him when he gets mad and drives Really really dangerously like he would drive car off bridge or something so I haven't really said things anymore to make him upset but he still does for little things

Angry Outbursts are not only a big love buster, but the person who is having one is temporarily insane and can become quite dangerous, especially with a wife who is possibly in love with another man. He could lose his temper and hurt you, even if you can't imagine that right now.

Dr. Harley recommends separating from someone who is angry. Did you know this?

Here is a good thread about What to do about an angry husband

Here's what I suggest:

Do you have a very good friend or a family member nearby that you could trust?

I would call up this friend or family member and tell her what has been going on with you and this other man. Then ask this person to come with you to a coffee place or other such safe public place and stay with you while you tell your husband.

Then I would go and stay with that person for a couple of days until you know and can see that your husband can proceed through this calmly.

Meanwhile, no contact with this other man...at all!

No i didnt know that ill look into that, Yeah I do have a girlfriend i could tell , and that's what I'm afraid of and he has told me "if I ever hit you leave me " he says that after he gets mad . Im actually surprised he didn't get mad about my guy friend I think it's cause all my family knows him and when I met my husband I was out at a gathering with my guyfriend

He didn't get upset about your friend, because he's unaware of the danger to his marriage. Many people blindly trust. And blind trust is a really bad idea in marriage.

Your H needs to learn to control his temper by taking anger management classes and learning to calm himself down.

Dr. Harley used to have anger problems but before he married Joyce he learned to calm himself down. This trained his brain neurons to behave calmly instead of insanely.

Thank you for your thoughts

Bras, did you get a chance to take a look at these?

It is good that you feel guilty - that shows you have a conscience! What you are doing is the most painful thing that could ever be done to another person, and the way out is to tell him. Dr. Harley strongly recommends an approach like LongWayFromHome suggested: get someone else present so that you are safe, and then tell him. It is the best way to END that other painful relationship FOR EVER! And the best and only way to make sure that it stops and never goes farther.

Then, show your husband the videos I posted. See if he would be willing to work with you to develop the kind of relationship Dr. Harley describes. It sounds like he will definitely need to get help to stop his angry outbursts. There are lots of us here who can help with that and can help both of you through the whole process.

Take your girlfriend with you to tell him the truth.

If he gets violent, call the police. If he threatens violence, call the police.

Don't tell him in the car.

Tell him all the truth, do not try to "protect him" by leaving stuff out.

Answer all his questions honestly.

Start with this. Can you do this ?

Realize that this will devastate him. Be honest but also be humble as you rip his heart out.

Hearing about the attraction Bras has for this other man is more likely to cause her husband to be alarmed, rather than ripping his heart out. The part that will probably hurt is the fantasizing about the other man while having sex with her husband.

Let's remember that as far as we have heard from the poster Bras, she has not shared her feelings with the male friend. So as yet, she is not having an affair.

Bras, one thing I wanted to point out is that said you said you often felt like you had to hold back from sharing things with your husband. This is probably due to his often negative reactions to your information, isn't it?

He's probably a charming nice guy with a temper problem. He probably does a good job of meeting your needs then periodically destroys all those good feelings you have for him by arguing or fighting or becoming angry.

A woman generally enjoys making love with her husband when she feels bonded to him. And you're not going to feel bonded when he's being angry. Nor will you feel bonded to him while attracted to another man.

If you can get this attraction and growing friendship out in the open with your husband and then get away from the other guy for good, you and your husband can build a really great marriage that will last for life. MB always works when both people follow it.

Understood and I hope I'm wrong. The attitude seems wrong and I''m guessing at least an EA and possibly a PA. It could be my BH jaded eyes though.