I know I've heard some radio shows lately that discussed this topic. It relates to someone I've been talking to on another board:

The woman has an affair and has put EP in place. However, the man keeps bringing up the affair and the man is emotional abusive has explosions of anger, etc ( This was the reason but of course, not the excuse behind the affair.) Just doing the EP is NOT the magic pill to get the marriage back on track. Nor do I think Dr. Harley would ask the woman to stay in that situation. ( Not leave and have an affair, but do the plan A and plan B thing.) Weren't there some radio shows on this topic?

I will try and find some specific clips, but he talks about this in his articles.

Is this the scenario you're talking about?

Coping with Infidelity:The End

I worry about everyone when they say they've been talking to folks on another board. MB is truly the only forum out there that really helps people because it offers peer advice based upon a professional's research, writings, practice and personal (he's in a 50+ year rock solid romantic loving marriage) and professional experience versus peer advice from miserable people in miserable marriages. For example, I, personally was told to stop giving marriage advice on Surviving Infidelity because I was supposedly hurting the feelings of posters there that were divorced already. I was specifically told that SI was NOT a place to help people save their marriages but rather a place to heal...individually. Their advice perpetuates itself as more and more marriages fail (from lack of good advice) then more and more divorcing/divorced persons end up posting encouraging others to "get out", "save themselves" and do the 180 and if your wayward spouse doesn't beg your forgiveness there is absolutely no hope. Then you've got Loveshack and DivorceBusters which are run and administered by waywards. I also am familiar with the wayward forum you post on and it's run by mostly Wiccans and waywards. Robin is/was separated from her second husband for years and Carol left her first husband to pursue an affair with a work colleague and eventually married him. Predictably, her affair marriage is crumbling around her. These people are not Their forum hasn't helped save a single marriage (in the MB sense of building a romantic love marriage of extraordinary care). It's merely a place for waywards and unhappy spouses to remain stuck complaining endlessly about their unhappy marriages while passing bad advice that didn't/doesn't work around in a circle. It's hardly the place you should be seeking advice about your marriage. There isn't a healthy person among them. If they weren't so sad the stuff they post would be comical.



Fortunately, I know who you are talking about and know you are wasting your time trying to help her. I see you've only been posting since December, 2012 so you don't know the whole back story but that poster is one of the absolutely worst waywards to pass through MB in my entire 8 years here. First off, she's lying. Here's a post she made a couple years ago on MB. Her husband MAY be a jerk (I don't know the man) but she has as much, if not more, issues with anger than he does.

Here's an example (you can go back and read the whole thread from there):


Ironically, doesn't she sound exactly like her mother whom she also denigrates often?

Here's another post about her husband being a good guy:



There are many other examples of HER having anger issues posted in the long history of this poster as SaddestWife, then SeekingBalance on MB and elsewhere under different names on other unmentionable wayward forums. She doesn't need or want ANY Harley material because, as a unrepentent, unremorseful and unregretful wayward she rejects it all. In fact, you'll see a common thread in many of her rantings where everything eventually ties back to her hatred for Dr. Harley and MB. She even sent Dr. Harley and email/letter threatening to sue MB in real life. The last thing she wants from you is links to his radio show. You're wasting your (and Brainy's) time [which you are free to waste if you want...I'm not telling you what to do].

In addition, she's not leaving her husband. He's LOADED. They live a life of luxury that she could hardly afford were she to leave the goose that lays the golden eggs. She acts like the health insurance is the reason but ObamaCare is getting rid of preexisting condition exclusions next January. When she complains about him going hunting she's leaving out the part about him going to their big dollar vacation home in the mountains. She'd rather you pity her while imagining her husband is some blue collar guy going to a hunting shack in the woods without her and drinking beer with his buddies over some oil barrel fire. In her case, the "lodge" is golf course condo LUXURY and she's free to go there almost whenever she wants. She's never posted that her husband forbids her to follow him around. She chooses not to follow. IMO, she's further isolated because it appears many of the couples mutual friends have all sided with her husband. This may be because they are following the money (and maybe he is a bit of a jerk) or they merely tolerated his obnoxious wife and used her exposed infidelity as the means to terminate their relationship with her while still supporting her "good man" husband. Either way...it's her infidelity and instability that appear to have caused this...not MB, Dr. Halrey, the MB forums let alone her husband controlling her (notice she'll alternately post threads complaining about how much he doesn't exhibit any care what she does...one minute he's hovering then next minute he's absent and neglectful).

Last point...reread her recent posts about her MIL. How sad for her betrayed husband that his own mother doesn't care one bit that his wife cheated on him. His own mom telling his wayward wife that she understood her adultery because she was once married to her son's father is just sickening when you really think about it. Could you imagine your own mother acting like you deserved it and telling your husband, "so what you cheated on my daughter, I understand because I was married to her father". I'd bet $50 his mother was(is) wayward at one time and he was raised with step/half siblings which may explain a bit why her husband can't let go of his upset over her cheating but yet won't leave her and have his kids endure what he had to at the hands of his own cheating mother/father/parents.

This post in no way implies that I don't believe people can change and I don't intend to discourage you from helping waywards in the future (even difficult ones). I have helped, prayed for and had hope for many waywards that arrived here at MB over the years including that poster and my wife. In fact, the poster we are speaking about here has a couple of really great threads on MB where many people, including myself and my wife, gave their best efforts to help this wayward wife end her affair, go "no contact" and repair her marriage with her betrayed husband and she's done nothing but reject such help and continues, even years later, to denigrate MB, Dr. Harley and the posters therein. Her misplaced anger continues for YEARS while she complains about her husband's supposed continuing anger lasting too long. This wayward obviously posts for other reasons now (maybe because her kids read there too????)....but getting help and being helpful are not among those reasons.

BTW....other posters there know this too. Just PM a few people and you'll discover that most, if not all, merely tolerate her and placate her because she's donated a boatload of money to the wayward website keeping it afloat and she keeps the otherwise dying forum active with her endless rants and controversial wayward thinking posts. Stupid foggy posts and threads are good for post count too, apparently.


Godspeed Tirewife and I pray for your wisdom and discernment as you continue to seek help for your own marital issues....hopefully here at MB:


Proverbs 2:1-15 (New International Version, �2010)

Moral Benefits of Wisdom

1 My son, if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you,
2 turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding�
3 indeed, if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding,
4 and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure,
5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.
6 For the LORD gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
7 He holds success in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
8 for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones.

9 Then you will understand what is right and just
and fair�every good path.
10 For wisdom will enter your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.
11 Discretion will protect you,
and understanding will guard you.

12 Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men,
from men whose words are perverse,
13 who have left the straight paths
to walk in dark ways,
14 who delight in doing wrong
and rejoice in the perverseness of evil,
15 whose paths are crooked
and who are devious in their ways.

Thank you very much Mr. Wondering for saving me a lot of time. I really appreciate it.

I always find it interesting that there are people in the world who prefer the ongoing attention of strangers over putting effort into making their relationships better. In order to keep that attention coming, they avoid the effort required to making a great marriage. That wasn't allowed to happen here, but evidently it is in other places.

Some people are addicted to drama and prefer that over peace and calm. I've never figured out why that would be, but there you go.

Dr. H's words would not be helpful for this particular poster if it is, indeed, the one who has been referenced. Tiredwife, I wouldn't even bring his name up if I were you. That would be good for a diatribe that would put you in an uncomfortable position. Nice of you to want to help, though.