Is the OM married? If so, they probably didn't meet at his house. As much as you don't like it, it may be up to you to pinpoint who and where he is and get that affair dead. No contact must be established and no Lovebusters from you must be established. That's no guarantee to make things work, but it is a guarantee that you did all you could and did it with your honor intact.

RNR, have you had AOs with your WW pre-affair? I can't find where you have admitted to pre-A AOs so am curious why the anger mgmt.

Look forward to hearing you two on MB radio.

He has serious AO issues NOW.

I'd like to know this too...


We all know you've got anger issues "now", but some of us know to expect this anger due to being betrayed so deeply. Some of us also find your past anger (pre-affair), or lack of, to be relevant to the advice we plan to offer.

I'm also curious how long you've been living with her gambling addiction? When did WW cross the line and how badly has this affected your cash/credit/assets?

Remember Dr. H's basic tenet about anger: Nobody makes you angry; you choose to be angry. Others can frustrate you, but it is your own choice to allow that frustration to manifest itself as anger. Even something as drastic as betrayal does not give you an excuse for AOs.

**EDIT**

Edited

RNR,

How are you doing?

Hey, I'm still here. Me and my wife had a rough couples days but its good now. We just got off the air with the Harley's and it was very help full. I need to get my AOs under control and into the program. Dr. Harley thinks that the root cause of my wife's issues stems from impulse control. We are going to work on that. My wife has been seeing this psychologist since she was 12 and he has never brought up impulse control to her, Dr. Harley picked it up from a couple emails an this forum, even my lawyer after reading the FB messages I got between my wife that this other guy said impulse control right away. I want my wife to get a new psychologist.


I hope you guys listened it will listen. My wife kind of hung up right away. I think Dr. Harley had some things to tell us off air. I hope he calls back.

My wife accidentally hung up I mean. Sorry baby!

The Harleys go right from their callers to addressing email questions, so it is unlikely that you missed much when the call was dropped as time would have been limited. But, why wonder? Send him an email and ask.

As a listener, I heard a lot of hope for your situation.

RNR, I am amazed at the insight that Dr Harley has. I think he has a natural GIFT of being able to see things others do not see. It almost brought me to tears when he told her that her anxieties would go down in direct correlation to her impulsive acts. I wanted to cheer when I heard him say that.

I suffered from this same thing for most of my life and also had addictions. It wasn't until I met my current H and we learned to use the POJA that my stress level went way down. If she will stick to the PORH and the POJA, it will absolutely transform her life. That will protect her from herself. And once she gets into the habit of controlling her impulses, it will become second nature to her. It will be tough not getting everything she wants when she wants it AT FIRST, but when sees how not living at the mercy of her impulses changes everything, she won't want to go back.

I think that making these changes will dramtically change your wife's life. And your marriage.

I am anxious to listen to the program this evening.

Many here on the forum were encouraging your W to separate from you and were very hard on you because of anger issues. What was his position on this?

Dr Harley took the same position and recommended that he immediately get into Anger Managerment classes AND suggested they separate if he has angry outbursts. He pointed out that he is dangerous to her when he is angry. Dr Harley pretty much told them everything we did, EXCEPT he really focused on her impulse control. HE doesn't even think she is really a gambling addict, just that she has poor impulse control and makes bad decisions. He believes her anxiety attacks are directly related to her poor impulses. IF she gets her impulse control under control, her anxiety attacks will go away.

Harley also felt she should go to a psychologist - a new one - to learn impulse control. She is seeing one now who has been no help to her in this regard.

I am so glad you talked with the Harley's today.

It looks like you both need a plan, with real steps and milestones written out.

I hope you can keep us updated, but if not, take Dr. Harley's invitation to write to him.

So happy that you two were able to get on the show and it sounds like you were given a lot of great advice. YES!!!!

RNR,

Delighted to hear that both of you went on with Dr. Harley. That was a HUGE step towards recovery we hope.

And credit to you for sticking with the forum and taking our advice--and 2x4s--during a very tumultuous crises.

We are looking forward to seeing how things progress.

How does your wife feel about all of this?

Just now getting a chance to listen to your show, and it was a good one.

Joyce mentioned to you that you have all weekend to re-listen to the show -- have you had a chance to do that?

How's the anger management going?

Dr Harley labeled it as impulse control because "gambling is not included with other addictions in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders"...

"Gambling problems are referred to as pathological gambling which is listed as one of six disorders under Impulse-Control Disorders."So Dr. Harley was being technically correct as there is no gambling addictions per se...