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At the very least he would be hurt if he thought that I was still carrying on with our friends. Isn't he hurt by your continued best friendship with an other man? Even if he doesn't know about it, doesn't that subtract from what he receives from you? So isn't this hurting him, diminishing from his marriage, RIGHT NOW?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Is this true or not? Were you "afraid" to tell your husband how you got it on with his other friend? I was very afraid, but this was a sticking point with the people from the other forum, and honestly, more than anything I wanted to confess my sins to God and to make things right. My husband was upset with me and things were tense for quite awhile. He was most upset because I didn't want him to talk to the friends about it (still protecting them). I realize this was wrong of me. I also admit to telling him that it was all my fault and that I was practically throwing myself at our friend. He had already seen the flirty banter between us before and didn't like it. I kept details to a minimum and he never asked again. Although a few weeks later he was mad at me for confessing to him because felt it was selfish of me to get it off my chest but he was left feeling awful. Things have cooled down considerably since I told him all of this, AND I have acted in a respectable way to him and we have been able to spend time together without arguments which is a huge improvement. I think he's more than thrilled about that change in our lives. There's a lot more truth you're revealing in here, which is going to help us help you. You now need to add to the things you have told your husband this: you cannot have contact with this friend ever again, for LIFE. He will probably see the wisdom in that, after awhile, since he definitely didn't like the flirty way you were throwing yourself at the man before.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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HAVE YOU DONE THIS YET? thislife. Go to your phone and call the OMW and tell her what you have done. Pledge to her to NEVER EVER see or speak to her husband again.
Write out the no contact letter.
When your husband gets home, tell him that your continued relationship with OM is a violation of MB rules and you are ending all contact with him and the other OM because they are inappropriate relationships. Explain to him why these men are TOXIC to your marriage.
Then sit down and tell your children about your affairs and explain why you will not be associating with these people anymore.
THAT is how you start on the path to recovery. All of this back and forth and endless story changes is crazy making and completely unnecessary.
Can you take the above actions without making a thousand more excuses?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am hopeful that the fact you are still here means that you are soon going to quit delaying and do what needs to be done.
The Marriage Builders program can restore the love in your marriage. But NOT if you leave out the first step!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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He was most upset because I didn't want him to talk to the friends about it (still protecting them) ... I kept details to a minimum and he never asked again. 
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Let me add something important: talking to people does not help. It's what you DO that is going to restore the love in your marriage, not what you SAY.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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He was most upset because I didn't want him to talk to the friends about it (still protecting them) ... I kept details to a minimum and he never asked again. You need to undo the mistake of "keeping details to a minimum." He needs to know how far things went. The other man's wife needs to know how far things went. Confess your faults, one to another, especially to your victims, you know? If you stole $500, don't confess to stealing $20.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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He was most upset because I didn't want him to talk to the friends about it (still protecting them) ... I kept details to a minimum and he never asked again. So he wanted to speak to your friend's about your affairs and you didn't want him to? That is the exact opposite of what you told me yesterday.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's time to stop the lying and truth-twisting, Hon, you're not very good at it.
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Thislife,
I got tired of your lies about 15-18 pages back and had to bow out. I swear, some of the posters here must be in the same investigative courses that detectives take. Ask enough questions and your liar will appear on their own, no need to bring it out of them.
But I have to say, please stick around. These posters can really help rescue your marriage from the dumps, but it cannot be done with untruthfullness. You have the power to stop ruining lives, but it will take some humility and courage to look in the mirror. Good luck to you.
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He was most upset because I didn't want him to talk to the friends about it (still protecting them) ... I kept details to a minimum and he never asked again. So he wanted to speak to your friend's about your affairs and you didn't want him to? That is the exact opposite of what you told me yesterday. I noticed that, too. Here's what she wrote yesterday: Ask your husband to call the OMW TODAY and give her the full facts about the affair. Hand him your phone and tell him you are closing down all avenues to the OM and sending him a nc letter TODAY. LOL, yeah, that will never happen. My husband is a recovering Mr. Nice Guy. He doesn't like to rock the boat with friends and his friends are very important to him. He would probably ask me to leave before he would do that. Oh, what a tangled web she weaves...
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thislife,
go check out the new thread by neversaynever. she's also a wayward wife but is much more aware of the damage her actions have caused. she's showing a willingness to make things right.
you are too by virtue of the fact that you're still here. maybe reading her thread will help you see things from a different perspective.
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Don't forget to go back and read these.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Think of this as a train on the tracks. You are further down the tracks because you knew what was going on. Not only did he just get hit by the train, but now he's trying to catch up with what is going on. It probably is a relief for you to confess, and it just started his pain. You come across as complaining about the damage you've done, suggesting he shouldn't feel the way he does. Why not just offer him the grace and understanding you seem to want. No one is denying what you feel. But we have to caution you not to deny that he too has feelings that are borne out of this sequence of events. To suggest he should not be feeling them, or should be over them not only is offensive and disrespectful to him, but also get in the way of healing your marriage. Although a few weeks later he was mad at me for confessing to him because felt it was selfish of me to get it off my chest but he was left feeling awful.
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thislife,
go check out the new thread by neversaynever. she's also a wayward wife but is much more aware of the damage her actions have caused. she's showing a willingness to make things right.
you are too by virtue of the fact that you're still here. maybe reading her thread will help you see things from a different perspective. The difference being that she still loves her husband. I'm sure my indifference toward my husband comes through my posting.
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thislife,
Please consider calling Dr Harleys radio program and going on as a guest.
I think one of the things he might say to you is that you never were in love with your H, but that you need to reestablish romantic love and that it is possible.
One thing is for sure these contacts with OM have made your H seem inferior by comparison. This contrast effect is depleted what little love you had for your H.
God Bless
Gamma
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So he wanted to speak to your friend's about your affairs and you didn't want him to? That is the exact opposite of what you told me yesterday. Yes, I told him that. He brought it up later and said that he didn't like it. I acquiesced and told him he could do whatever. I was feeling defeated at that point and assumed all the friendships were over anyway. Do you want to know why he wouldn't say anything to friends? Because of the one thing that I have over him and that is the threat of me leaving him. He will do anything to keep me here. However, after he started reading the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, he's seeing the situation differently. Also, one of his biggest complaints about me being too close to his friends? That I "stole" his friends away from him!
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thislife,
go check out the new thread by neversaynever. she's also a wayward wife but is much more aware of the damage her actions have caused. she's showing a willingness to make things right.
you are too by virtue of the fact that you're still here. maybe reading her thread will help you see things from a different perspective. The difference being that she still loves her husband. I'm sure my indifference toward my husband comes through my posting.  Well, if ya quit lettin other dudes diddle your skittle, your husband - who doesn't just have to get drunk with you and have "heavy petting sessions," but also has to live with you - might have a chance to develop a LB$ balance. That low balance has only been exacerbated and amplified by your infidelities. So, the VERY FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS is to eliminate all his competition. ALL OF IT. No opposite sex friends or acquaintances. No Facebook buddies, no forum boyfriends. Every one of these interactions creates a contrast to your husband with neither his consent or knowledge. And, none of these dudes have to put up with YOUR Love Busters (unless they got their head out of their undershorts and thought about chatting up/feeling up a MARRIED WOMAN) so all those interactions are pure positive due to the heavy lifting YOUR HUSBAND does. Your husband will have more heavy lifting to do if he gets on board, but if you cannot adhere to EPs, I'd advise him to kick you to the curb, and learn the program anyway.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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You need to undo the mistake of "keeping details to a minimum." He needs to know how far things went. The other man's wife needs to know how far things went.
Confess your faults, one to another, especially to your victims, you know? If you stole $500, don't confess to stealing $20. He knows; I just didn't give him a play by play detailed version. I was trashed anyway and don't remember much of the details anyway. Also, he was starting to get really angry and firing questions at me so I had to tone it down.
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