Prisca, you are taking this out of context. I was being honest about my feelings for my husband because of the way his past actions affected me.

Did you end your affair and inform the OMW of what you did with her husband? That step has to be taken before we can do anything else for you. That is STEP ONE.

Can't do STEP TWO until you have done STEP ONE.

Otherwise you are wasting valuable board time that could be devoted to others who really need help.

You have a valuable resource here and your squadering it with half truths and lies by omission. Who knows what type of manipulation techniques your poor BH is experiencing. This is a form of abuse and you need to stop. Many of cheating wives that reform their ways using these basic concepts wish they would of told their husbands the truth. I am BH and I know what he's feeling and how its affecting him.

Follow the steps and inform your BH of your misdeeds regardless of the outcome (divorce if he chooses). I honestly believe your stubborness about this is due to the fact you slept with this POSOM. When I found out about my WW's misdeeds I was blown away. I would of never thought she was capable of such things, it was like the rug was pulled up under me. She had complaints about our marrige and never voiced them or gave me the chance to fix them. You have that chance and your going to blow it because your pride, stubborness and deceit.

I'm sorry if you think I'm wasting the board's time. I feel like I have learned some valuable information here, so I thank you all for your contributions in that regard.

However, there are many assumptions being made. It's not like I was caught sneaking around in an affair. I was ready to walk out on my husband and I was seeking advice online about Christian marriages and divorce. The good people at the other forum talked me down from that viewpoint. The more I read at that forum, the more I became aware of the red flags in my friendships.

The kissing? These were not romantic kisses, not in the least bit. It is common among our crowd of friends to be free with our affections, i.e. hugs and kisses, most especially while drinking and having a good time. We were around other people when they happened, okay? Not off by ourselves being sneaky.

Also? Talk of sex is commonplace among our friends, as we are all adults, but yes, it is completely inappropriate for a married woman to do so while alone with another man. In fact, that was the crux of the situation, and my eyes were opened to what I was doing - the way I was carrying on - it was NOTHING like a married woman, let alone a Christian. I am ashamed for my actions and I've made every effort to turn back to who I was before I decided that I needed to relive my twenties.

The physical stuff with the other friend was very wrong which is why I told my husband and apologized for my behavior. I also apologized to our friend for putting him in that position. His wife was long out of the picture and who knows where she is now, probably living in a meth house. She's dealing with her own demons. But they also attend our church and my actions toward him were completely inappropriate.

This is why I contacted our pastor for direction. He agreed with me to withdraw us from the couples small group we were in, to avoid contact with these men, and to work on my relationship with my husband. ALL of which I have done.

Just because I didn't charge off of here and gleefully write a NC letter and call up my friend to ruin her life, doesn't mean I haven't taken every bit of advice to mull over and consider.

The very fact that I am seeking relationship help instead of walking out the door, is proof that I am serious about working on my marriage.

You are protecting her life by lying to her and having an affair with her husband? Well, Madam, with "friends" like that, who needs enemies? We both know why you won't tell her and that is so you can continue your affair with her husband.

And now you are back to lying about the nature of your relationship with this man and are wasting valuable time. We can't do anything for you until you end your affair and tell this man's wife what you have done. We can't help you.

Asking for advice and then completely disregarding that advice is NOT proof that you are serious about working on your marriage. It is damage control.

Which is also the same for not coming clean with OMW. Damage control.

The OMW deserves to know the truth about her life so that she can take measures to protect her marriage and family from being assaulted by her husband and you. She needs to know that her husband is putting her marriage at risk and she needs to know that you are an enemy to her marriage.

That is not ruining her life. It is giving her the chance to take action to protect her marriage. Not informing the OMW is cruel and selfish on your part.

Whatever happens in the dark always comes out in the light. When the truth finally does come out, you will then have to look this woman in the eye and tell her why you thought she did not deserve to know the truth and why you thought it was okay to stay in her family's life. Good luck with that.

You are not at all serious and you most certainly are NOT her friend.

No, I am not.

Have you done anything you've been told to do to fix this? Or are you still just hanging around arguing about how your affair was not really an affair?

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." ( John 3:19-21)

And very, very, VERY typical of a foggy WW.

You've already ruined her life. She just doesn't know it, yet. By not telling her, you are not going to somehow magically avoid ruining her life. It is already done.

Wow, the fog is strong with this one. So if I stole 100$ from you and you never found out will I be in the wrong and assume I didn't harm you at all? When a woman is raped while passed out and doesn't remember it does that automatically make the rapist innocent? The piss poor action and bad decision making ruins people's lives not revealing the truth. You reek of self-entitlment and misguided pride.

As for all your drinking and kissing and hugging other men. Thats unacceptable! I notice all this happens with alcohol, that type of environment is ripe for affairs amongst "friends" you need a lifestyle change ASAP. You are a married woman and those times of free loving and intimate touching with other men are over. Or you can continue and ruin not only your life but yoru family's as well.

We have both put this lifestyle behind, realizing how much it was hurting us and our family. I mean, I nearly died one night. That was a wake up call in itself. We have discussed this very topic together and have agreed that we cannot go back. We don't even watch the same t.v. shows or movies. We re-involved ourselves with church. If we go anywhere, we go together and we stay together. It goes without saying that I don't flirt with other men anymore. We also cut way back on the drinking. My husband has vowed never to touch drugs again. He is also working on an issue with porn, but that is the least of our problems right now. We have come a long way from where we were a year ago.

Here again, what exactly am I suppose to be telling her?? She was present when he kissed me. She knows anytime I was out with him because we were in contact with her and my husband while waiting for them to join us!

I do enjoy his company, and I obviously have issues with my husband, so of course that is a recipe for disaster. I totally get that!! That was the purpose for me telling my husband about the red flags of the relationship and for my original letter to him. But what on earth am I exposing here NOW???

Dr. Harley says this won't work. He is the author of His Needs, Her Needs, so I think he would know.

Why would you even ask when we've already told you this several times?

Although you JUST recently had a fling with a guy on another forum?

I'm confused. If she knows what you did and was present, and other wife is gone/probably in the crack house, how do you figure you would 'ruin her life' by telling the truth?

Absolutely Dr. Harley's program can reestablish romantic love.

Please read these:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/mb2.cfm?recno=3&sublink=20
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8118_real.html (this one is by Dr. Harley's daughter Dr. Chalmers, who is a marriage therapist herself and is Dr. Harley's coauthor of Surviving an Affair)

After reading those, I strongly suggest you email Dr. Harley himself on his radio program. They frequently answer questions on air:

mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

Listen to the shows. They are good help. I listen nearly every day, at least one new show and one archived show if possible.

Are you going to go NC, or not? Yes or no?