I am fairly good on the computer and have set up my computers to be able to check his personal and work email out at the plant. I didn't really hack in because I have known his password, we use it on all our joint things.<P>He also asked me to set up the computer at home so he could check his mail when he is off.<P>He knows I check it, but doesn't know how often so I guess he wouldn't be stupid enough to talk to his OW through it. He promises me he doesn't talk to her at all and avoids any plant related business that would cause them to work together.<P>Am I crossing the line and violating his privacy? He doesn't know my personal email password, and hasn't asked for it.

Complete openness and honesty at this point is essential. If he knows you are checking, it’s not a problem. He really has no right to <B>expect</B> you to trust him right now. In fact, it would be nice for him to <B>encourage</B> you to check.<P>Of course, just to throw a wrench in your thoughts... it’s also easy to set up another email account(Yahoo, hotmail, etc.) <BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

i did it. i felt justified. now i wish i wouldn't have. i know way too much.<P>i guess if you are confused - dont do it. you know. leave it at that. knowing more only makes reconcilliation harder, for both. And it only pisses you more- i know it did me. i would call when he would write and say he would. playing games, trying to prevent something that i have no control over.<P>the best thing i can do- and i think any of us can do- is to let go, let it run its course, and beleive everything will be alright.<P>helps if you play a little bob marley- he helps me thru.

BOTL - Yes it's OK. If it makes it more OK to know that somebody else is doing the same thing, well, I am. I know my W's AOL username and password because she once asked me to check her email when she was away. So I set up AOL on my machine at work and now I can log in to her account on her home computer and read her mail any time I want. Which is usually about 2x a day. And I don't tell her that I'm doing it. I know it's sneaky, but this is the only way I am ever going to find out anything in the face of her denials. She has denied having an affair so often and adamantly (when I know for certain that she IS having one) that snooping and catching her is really the only way I am ever going to get her to admit it. And until she does admit it, our marriage isn't going anywhere. This is my justification for snooping. Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

BotL, I am a fan of snooping. I wasn't sure about anything until I started snooping. The confusion and not knowing hurt. Now I know and That pain is worse, but atleast I know. I told the W about my findings and how I got my info. She was angry about it but what could she say.I have a folder at my job about all of it just in case. Now that some of the secrets are out we can begin fixing what was broke about us.<P>------------------<BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<P>

I don't have to worry about him having another email account at work. He does not have access to the internet, only the interoffice/intraoffice mail.<P>I also happen to know that they can only have one username. I am not naive though. He knows I have access and he is far to careful to let himself get caught that easy.

No, its not going too far, especiall if you suspect the affair is still going on. I check our phone bills (regular and cellular) ever since I found out about my H's affair. There was the proof in writing that he was calling her even after he said it was over. Until you really feel you can trust them again I say do it!