BrainHurts,

I just got off the phone with her. She told her office manager that she can no longer work in the building that she was the OM in. She works in two locations, both at completely different addresses that would require a car to travel to. She said she told them that she can not go back to that location and told them she had an affair with an individual there. She has removed his number from her phone, she does not have his email, her phone is unlocked should I feel the need to snoop. Seeing him at the building where they both worked 2 out of the 4 weeks was the only time she would possibly run into him unless she decided to seek him out, which she has told everyone on here and myself that she would not do. She wrote him a letter telling him that she never wanted to see or hear from him again. That she would not contact him and that she asks that he respect her decision and not contact her. She signed it, I signed it, and we both dropped it in the mailbox last week.

I should also mention that they do not work for the same company and would not run into each other at company events or meetings.

NSN,

I would suggest that you press, or threaten to do so, a lawsuit against OMs company. It's better to drive OM into the dirt rather than limit your WWs options. Also expose to everyone in OM life without warning or threats.

God Bless
Gamma

She also told everyone including you that she is struggling with the addiction and has asked for help to stay away from OM.

Do you think she is not being truthful about the danger?

Do you think OM will believe that you are serious when you allow your wife to be in an awkward position like it is some kind of test of her self control? That is the type of thing he will jump on and use against you.



here

I am confused about what you mean. Is she staying away from this building now?

She is staying AWAY from the building. It is several miles from her main office. She will NOT see him at her main office, ever. The OM and my WW only would run into each other at the other building....which is now a place she is no longer going to do any work at. She told her office mgr today that she could no longer work there. They were supportive and will not have her do any work there any longer.

Outside of riding in her car with her to work, standing by her all day while she works, and then riding home with her, I can't ensure that she would not seek out other ways to see or make contact with him. I am not able to do all of those things. I do have access to her phone, email, computer, etc. She is no longer going to the place that she met him, saw him weekly, and that fed her the drug to see him on an ongoing basis during the A. That part has been eliminated as of today.

BH,

I'm in the middle of a shift (though... it's a quiet night) so I can't roll back and see if anyone else has told you yet, but...


You and I, my friend, are recipients of a rare gift - a remorseful WW.

You see, the typical Wayward Wife doesn't figure out that she screwed up, and does not typically realize that it was HER affair that was threatening to strike a deathblow to the marriage.

No, a typical WW blames her husband for leaving her no other choice but to have an affair as a way to get her emotional needs met. A typical WW dreams of running away with the OM, and focuses on her BH as a lost cause.



But your WW showed up here desperate to save her marriage.


Now the trick... is to restore Romantic Love on both sides. Restoring Romantic Love will ease and eventually erase resentment.

NSN13sBH,

I noticed the following over on your wife's thread from one of our great Marriage Builders, mrEureka, and I wanted to paste it here for you. Please heed this advice; it's exactly what Dr. Harley would say:

Does OMGF know about his affair with your WW?

Can you find her and expose to her?

Fantastic job on finding OMGF and sending her a message. Is there anyway you can follow up with a phone call to her?

At one time I sent a message to a BH of the OW my WH had an affair with. He wasn't receiving them (I'm almost positive OW was intercepting them) and so I followed it up with a phone call and a visit to their home.

I have reached out to her two different ways thus far. If I do not hear from her personally tomorrow, I have her place of business, her home phone, and I WILL FOR SURE give her a call. She needs to know about this OMPOS and I will make sure she does, one way or another.

What are you going to do about your female friend?

Here.
"I Encourage BHs to Confront OM" Dr. Harley

It concerns me that you are not answering this.

Me too.

NSN13sBH:
How're things?
You might enjoy reading the Men's Recovery Thread over on the Recovery forum.
And I encourage you to keep posting. Here you will find support for the times the emotional roller coaster goes off the rails. You are amongst people who have been there.

N-H,
Trip (HHH) nailed it when he said you are apparently one of the blessed few BHs that enjoy(?) the existence of an immediately remorseful, cooperative, and committed WW.

Help her stay committed, my friend. Aid her in building and maintaining the EPs that will be so desperately important over the next few weeks.

And now for the BIG WARNING:

As rational and level-headed as you seem to be this weekend, it is HIGHLY likely over those same few weeks you're going to be hit by a strong wave of...resentment? disgust? disillusionment?...over what has been done to you, and some of the things YOU are going to have to do/sacrifice/adjust as a result of actions with which you had nothing to do.

LASH OUT ALL YOU WANT...here! THROW THINGS...at us! LET LOOSE WITH EVERY NAME IN THE BOOK...in a note on this thread!

We have gone through the process you're just beginning, and have come out the other side. It would be a shame if you have to trip over every stone in the path when we're all to eager to tell you how best to avoid them.