Let me give a few details before I address my issue � I have known my husband since I was 18. We married when I was 27 and have 2 beautiful children. TO say that we have had our ups and downs would be stating it mildly. We have been through sickness & health, good times and bad, for better and worse. A few years ago my husband started having problems at work. Different co workers who he didn�t get along with and I really think it through him for a loop because he never had those issues in all his years working. He developed a lot of anxiety and stress related issues � He was so far at the end of his rope he walked out on his job. That was it. To make matters worse we weren�t getting along, all his worries became mine, on top of being a working wife and mother, I had to become the sole support of our family. For 1 year everything was on me. We almost lost our house and everything. � the time he blames me saying if I had been more supportive maybe he would have tried to stick out the job. � the time he apologetic and says everything is his fault. SO now this job he has had for 1 year is slowly starting to turn into the same thing as before. Granted he moved up fast and is now a supervisor, he hates it now. He is salary and when they have special projects he has to work crazy long hours and trust me they aren�t paying him that much to compensate for what they are asking in time. In any case the anxiety has set in again, blood pressure is up etc. I am really struggling because on one hand I don�t want him to be somewhere he is unhappy and that is only going to cause him health problems. On the other hand, resentment is starting to set in. I resent always having to be the strong one, always having to rob Peter to pay Paul. When he was unemployed for that year a good portion of the time he got to stay home with the kids. I don�t get that luxury, to be there with my kids. I just work and work and work� Pray every day he�ll wake up in a decent mood to make it through the day to have a job at the end of the day. I cringe when I get texts or calls from him during the work day because I wonder which one is going to be the one where he tells me he walked out again�. When I talk with him about the job and say to at least find something before he leaves this job because its stressful to be the only one bringing in the financial support. He tells me its not all about me. I hate that I feel resentment and alone. Yeah that�s it alone. When do I get to be weak and supported? Sorry I�m complaining, I hate to complain. I wasn�t raised to complain about life. I�m just frustrated and dismayed that 3 years ago is happening all over again.

I'd tell him sometimes life sucks, sometimes we don't always get along with those around us, and to deal with it like an adult. But I'm not his wife.

When he gets home, tell him you'd like to sit down and look at what career or job he'd like to be in in the next 3 months, 6 months, year, or whatever time frame. And then figure out what it will take to get there. That while you two can't live on one income, you don't want him to be unhappy at work.

If it's he just can't get along with people sometimes... Well, oh well.

The not "getting along" was the other job. He is fine now with the coworkers he has now. Its the stress of supervising and like I said the enormous hours with sub-par compensation that has him stressed out.

Trust me I don't mince words. I have basically told him life sucks and we all have to deal with it, in love of course. I try to avoid arguments when I can as he can be quite nasty sometimes

Hello MsO.

Welcome to Marriage Builders...this is the place to learn how to gain a mutually fulfilling relationship.

From what I gathered in your post, I see a lot of sacrificing going on. This will only build resentment in your relationship...hence the title of your post.

I suggest you read what Dr. Harley has to say about your Giver and Taker here:

Giver and Taker



This tells me you are not used to being honest about your preferences. If you continually sacrifice, you WILL get tired. You WILL get angry. I would suggest that you learn what your preferences are and begin to respectfully voice them.

THEN I would learn about POJA (Policy of Joint Agreement) here.

Dr Harley says that in a good marriage, complaints are considered an opportunity to show care to your spouse. In a bad marriage, complaints are an irritant.

Learn how to hear each others' complaints and then come up with solutions to those issues where both of you WIN.

Add in the POUA (Policy of Undivided Attention) here.

Then you will have a good start. Reading the Basic Concepts in general would be the way to go, in my opinion.

You can do this.

Hello MsO,

Welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. It can get better.

One of the most stressful things in a person's life will revolve around their marriage. I suspect your H is feeling more stress than just that of his job. If you and him had a happy, romantic marriage I'm sure you'd both feel a lot, lot better about everything.

From your words it sounds like the type of support he'd like to get from you isn't there. I hope you hear what he's saying.

On the flip side of this he has to learn how to deal with the stress and to add to Annointed's post if you and him can talk about this openly and work together you can find solutions to the job situation. Whether that�s working to find another job or helping him deal with the long hours and stress at this job.

You asked when do you get to be weak and supported? Well, I�m sure you know being weak isn�t going to be helpful to anyone�s situation but you should feel supported. If you aren�t then being radically honest with your H about what your current situation is doing to you is vital to the state and improvement of your marriage.

You two need to be each other�s support system. There should be no sacrifices and you appear to be making them. Each of you should be concerned for each other�s stress. Having open and honest communications about how you feel and then working together to come up with mutual agreements on how to reduce your struggles is the path you and him need to take.

Stick around and keep posting. We�ll help you learn more about this program and help improve your M (marriage). As Annointed suggested start with the Basic Concepts via the link at the top of the page. I�d also suggest reading about LoveBusters. Dishonesty is one of the LBs. I assume you are withholding the truth from your H which is dishonest and hurtful to your M.

If you can make your M be an extremely fulfilling and romantic M it will go a long ways in reducing the other stresses in your life. Keep in mind we can�t change your H � only you. But you can make things better between you two all by your lonesome.

Would your H be interested in reading about MB? It was geared towards men and as a guy I really like Dr Harley�s concepts. They are fool proof if you�re willing to do the work.