Heavenly I could tell when Tigger told me what had happened. Even though I'm sure it was the readers digest version I totally understood. I know in my state there is CAP on child support as well as "a shared cost of living". I think both are a very good idea. Tigger was nice enough to share and Tigger thank you again. Sometimes it makes it easier to understand when we know what it is behind it. I have seen x-wifes go way to far as well as some of the ow that have been talked about and it just is not fair who it is or anything. I don't feel my xmm's kids should do without anything or change there live style because of his and mine mistake. That does not however mean I feel he should not pay anything, or lie about what he has in order not to pay. But thank you too for sharing. Thank you too for being so kind about it.

Dear Tigger and Heavenly

Thank you for explaining my situation in my absence and for defending our position. Since you both intimately know most of the details pertaining to our legal dilemma, it is gratifying to both Bipolar and me to have such loyal and understanding friends.

NTMO: I do have children (3) but they are grown and gone. Whenever my hsuband was physically and mentally able to work, which has been most of the time since mid-2000, we have paid at least 65% to 150% of our income to CS. The original HO absolutely hated my hsuband on sight and did not hide his bias. He was also sadistic in making us stay for eight day, causing us to incur extraoridinary travel expenses including rescheduling air travel twice (penalties, penalties), lost wages etc, just to be mean...I am convinced. He then arbitrarily imposed an outrageous amount of money that excceded our income...an amount that was more than what my hsuband earned, refuses to read our certified documentation and tax returns.

Long story short...we now have a new HO and she seems "fair"...we will know for sure by mid-October when we receive her decision. All we ever asked for was fair and reasonable CS according to the laws and statues of the State. Nothing more. This battle has continued for four eyars. At one point our house nearly went into foreclosure because of all this and we were forced to rent it out to save it from having the sheriff lock the door. We lived like gypsies for nearly a year and got jobs where we were paid cash. During those few months, we earned enough to pay taxes on the house and the missed mortgage payments that saved our lives. During those few months, we did not pay CS, but we had already paid in excess of $19,000 in CS that we did not really owe according to the laws and guidelines in NY, so those few months we did not pay CS, we considered it as we were using our "credit".

Sometimes we do what we have to do to survive. We werem't trying to be mean or cheat the OC out of support, but we felt the OW had received over triple the amount due and we hoped she saved some of that money to provide for OC while we were on the lam. That being said, OW lives at home with her parents since before she met my husband and continues to live there today. She has never worked and is not ambitious. She has no debt, she has no living expenses, no rent or utilities, so collecting over $1500 monthly plus garnishing $4000 of my husband's severance pay gave her a pretty lucrative income without having to do anyhting.

We paid CS before we were forced to leave and we have been paying ever since. So, we are not deadbeats, nor are we trying to get out of anything or cheat the OC out of legally calculated CS. If the Cs we are to pay is within state guidelines, you'll hear no complaints from me...it is all we have ever wanted.

There's a lot more to this then what I've written here but most everyone is sick of eharing about it, including me. It gets so repetitive after a while and it makes me feel kind of sick to talk aobut it...but, now you know.

Thanks for asking to clear up any misconceptions.

Cat =^^=

<small>[ September 24, 2003, 11:47 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

Wow! That is a lot. I've said it before and I'll say it again, No one deserves to be screwed over. I'm sorry your going through all this and I hope that October brings much needed peace in your valley.

BUMP for all newbies

BUMP

^^^^^^

Question.. if my home is already in my name and my parents and my husband was not part of the deed or anything and my cars are in my name and my parents name and we have no other assets, is there still a need for a lawyer? The OW is only looking for medical insurance for the child and does not want any child support and anything else. She makes more money then my husband and said she isn't after anything except that quitting her job meant she lost her insurance for the time being and the child needs medical coverage until her new insurance kicks in other wise she wants nothing. The OW does not call and knows that my H wants nothing to do with her or the OC. They have no communication and my husband has no other bank accounts or anything other then the one we share. He has already had a will done stating he acknowledges the child out of wedlock however leaves nothing to this child. I'm not sure what else needs to be done as we have 4 kids together and I do not want them to lose out on anything in life just because H had an A that led to an OC.

Once DNA is done and paternity established your H may not have a choice but to pay. YES he should protect you and your kids first so file for CS if you can in your state.

In our state it is not mandated for a DNA test if you file admitting you are the child's father. They give you 2 options to file for medical insurance or child support or for both. She only filed for paternity to be established for the birth certificate and for the medical. She didn't file for child support. Can I file for child support if we are married and live together? I have no clue what this OW intentions are and if she is just waiting to see if he decides to be there or not before asking for child support. He already pays for his first daughter which was before our relationship.

This is why you need a lawyer.


This is why you need a lawyer.



This is why you need a lawyer.

Also she will not be the first OW to be two WH's at the same time.

A DNA test is a must. How can you trust the word of an OW on her faithfulness.

Very true...

A stat I just read a few minutes ago that I had no idea about.

1 in 12 sets of paternal twins are BI-paternal twins (meaning two separate fathers).

Makes you wonder.

Mr. Wondering

What a great old thread...from 2003 no less.

I would like to say that this rule - GET A LAWYER - also very much applies to situations where a betrayed husband finds out his wife cheated on him and is (or is likely/possible) pregnant by the OM. Such situations can get very sticky and much depends on the particular laws of the particular states (which if you one is pregnant you can shop a bit since it's most likely that the state a child is born in is the state law that will apply). For example, Kentucky and a handful of other states have a paternity presumption which states that the husband is the child's father and no OM can challenge that in court. You may be able to keep a persistent OM from interjecting himself into your family. Of course, most OM's want to disappear and get off scott free so it's not usually a problem but you never know. Get a lawyer and figure out your rights and options BEFORE discussing it with anyone (particularly OM).

Mr. Wondering

bump ^^