Hello ,
For those of you who asked me to give an update on our situation here it is.

We are just 4 months away from DDay anniversary 2.

We have not completely finished a single lesson on MB and stopped at DJ.

I have a let of type B resentment. My husband says I am blocking his efforts to reconcile.almost two years down the line and the pain is still raw.No emotional healing at all.

One of his complaints about our marriage was that i was too controlling. At some point during MB i realized that I was the one doing all the pushing and planning. I began to understand that without knowing it i had slipped back into my old ways of doing and planning things. My husband says nothing but probably felt controlled.

I decided to stop being the 'pusher' when he said to me that his freedom had been stripped because of all the EP we had put in place. The way he put things was almost as if I had placed those EP on him without his agreement. I was hurt because we had mutually agreed to put the EP in place.He went on to explain that what he meant was because of what he did he has lost his freedom,not because of me. I dont really understand the difference.

The EA was a long distance one with a co worker who worked with him for a month or so. I have no knowledge of the person other than a name and email address.

I have stopped checking his emails ,schedules etc. I feel that if he feels imprisoned( His nick name for me was Guantanamo with other woman) then I dont want to be involved in any thing that he does not do willingly with his whole heart.I have thought OI through and have come to decide that if he is not in this of his own free will then I am not going to force anything. I will accept whatever happens and move on.

we fill out the weekly surveys and thats about all at the moment.

He is a workaholic. I appreciate his financial support but feel we are paying too big a price for it . Our kids will be leaving home soon and I am afraid of what our lives will be like.

As far as i know the EA ended on DDAY. NC letter was emailed.contacts were deleted.however whether he is in it or longing for it I do not knoe. I dont think there is anything at the moment but cannot rule out the possibility of something similar happening in the future 'because I am neglecting him'

He is trying but it seems as if a part of me has just shrivelled up and dried. he feels that if only i could forgive and move on everything would be ok. But it wouldnt because I dont feel my problem is forgiveness. My problem is how to live on a day to day basis with the sorrow and pain of his betrayal.I cannot just 'move on".

I tend to relate everything that happens today with the EA and that cause problems but he has never openly explained or discussed the EA with me.He says MB said to not bring up the past. I feel that if i need something t obe explained then he should be open to do so. We dont fight we are just like two ships passing in the night.

I moved into another room two months ago. He has accepted this and is waiting patiently for me to come to my senses. Knowing him this might take years. it will always be work work and more work.....

I feel I need to come to a decision regarding the future.


I also need to have a place to unburden my thoughts and just 'talk'.

Have you considered actually implementing the Marriage Builders program into your marriage?

Or are you content with the results of cherry-picking some easy things, and using the forums to blog?

Can you afford MB coaching or at least the online program?

Can you afford not to do MB coaching or at least the online program?

They've done the online program. She has some posts on Dr. Harley's private forum.

Grace, here is something Dr. Harley told you that I think you need to read again:

Thank you for the replies.

I think looking back my very first instinctive reaction was to simply walk out of our marriage. I couldn't not only because of my children but also because I am financially dependent 100 % on my H( I cant believe I let that happen).

After talking to our pastors and family I read and searched and when i found MB I thought it was the perfect tool because everything was planned and structured in such a way that it made me feel that it could work. H said he was willing to try so we signed up for the online program.

Dr Harley said the road to recovery is a narrow path and needs to be followed strictly .Also H& W should mutually participate. In our case it ended up being me pushing him to do the program and him resenting me for the EP and the demand for UA.

That is where my problem is. WE agreed that MB was the solution and that doing it would help us go through the restoration road. If one of us says they are onboard but never really follows through with actions it makes the resentment deepen.

Yes I believe we need a third person/coach to bridge the gap between us .however we live so far away outside the US that telephonic coaching would be very expensive. I wonder also where H would get the time for the coaching?H leaves for work at 7 in the morning and comes back at 8 in the evening every day.

I need to see some active commitment on his part that indicates he is willing to look into and analyze and repair this marriage. he says I make things too scientific and that I must just forgive and move on. I did that ten years ago it doesn't work.

Hi, i just want to clarify if marriage coaching and counselling are the same?Is the coaching offered on marriage builders geared towards working through the MB program only?

The online accountability program and the coaching are different, but both are for implementing the MB principles. I kind of view it as the coaching is for helping further to motivate spouses to work the program.