Hi all

My fiance stays in my house. My family consists of me, my sister, my 2 brothers, my dad and mom. My fiance started living with us from past 6 months. We were totally in love with each other and my support was my mom in our relation. My fiance and Mom sleep together when my dad is away due to work. Everything was nice till I left town for 2 days on official works. After I came back I can see that my fiance and my mother have become too close. Recently both of them made a confession to me that they had sex twice and that it was not intentional. My mother said that he initiated it in his sleep and when he realized he couldn't control and hence had sex. This happened twice. But I still feel that they are hiding something from me. I feel that they had sex more than twice. After the confession, my fiance promised me that he will never in his dreams and reality repeat this mistake and said he will be loyal to me hereafter. He begged me for forgiveness. But I still feel that they both have affair, an emotional one which is leading to physical intimacy. I feel like dying after knowing this. Even after all this, they both continue to sleep together which makes me feel uneasy.

PLEASE HELP ME HOW DO I COPE WITH THIS. CAN I REALLY TRUST THEM BOTH BECAUSE THEY PROMISED ME THAT THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN ??. DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THEY STILL HAVE AN AFFAIR?? iF THEY DO, HOW DO I CATCH THEM RED HANDED ??

PLEASEEEEEEEE HELP ME.

Welcome to MB, so sorry for the pain that has brought you here!

No you should not believe them, or anything they have said. They did NOT accidently have sex....period. It most likely was far more then the 2x they have said.

Have you exposed this to everyone? Your dad? If no, you need to expose NOW. Your dad NEEDS to know.

Honestly....kick his azz to the curb.

Thank you Timesagain.. No i haven't disclosed it to my dad.. he is too sensitive to take this.. my mother says that she allowed him to have sex because she was scared that he would have it with me out of that desire... my mother promised me that she will not let it happen again... my mother and I share a very friendly relation and she has been my strength till now...

I just wish this was not true...but it is...how do I confirm that they still have affair...because I have been keeping an eye on them and they havent been doing anything off late..

Please help me find out the complete truth as I really cant imagine my Life without either of them..

I LOVE THEM TO THE CORE EVEN NOW BUT I AM COMPLETELY HURT AND ITS HARD TO TRUST THEM NOW....

I can only imagine the pain you are feeling! I am not trying to make light of this. I know this must be sooo painful.

You deserve better then this. Dating is an interview for marriage and sadly, he failed miserably! I know you want to believe them, and rebuild. I don't think Dr. Harley would recommend that. Would you be willing to consider a break from him to think this over?

One thing for certain, he can't continue to live at your parents home. He can't even be trusted to have ANY contact with your mother ever.

You are going to have to expose this to everyone, including your dad! YES, he is going to be very hurt, but he must know. This is not fair to him!

Your mothers explanation for why she had sex with him doesn't even ALMOST make sense.

The vets on this board will be able to help you, you will probably get more help tomorrow.

How old are you guys? Do you have any kids together?

I do not want to loose either of them... he has been very faithful to me till now except for this one affair... he is 22 and I am 24.. my mother is 45...

I know the reason they gave me was lame and senseless... but he admitted that in sleep my mother got too close to him and that he had an erection... by the time he could come out it was too late and that they had sex...

my mother says she resisted once but he dint stop... she lost it and let it happen...


I FEEL LIKE DYING bcz even now they sleep together and my mother still sleeps close to his face and body... I am not sleeping peacefully...

How do I keep them both away from each other...??

Do I read this story correctly?

Your fiance lives in your house and as a matter of routine sleeps in the same bed as your mother when her husband is away.

Am I to understand that this is the sleeping arrangement that you, your mother, your father and your fiance have all agreed to?

Under what **EDIT** system is this normal? Why on earth would any family make this arrangement? Why does your fiance need to sleep in your mother's bed under any circumstances?

After this sleeping arrangement has been going for for some time, you discvoer that he had an erection in his sleep and made a move on your mother, and they had sex.

Does your father know?

The sex has upset you but still they sleep in the same bed when your father is away. You don't believe that they can keep their body parts off each other and you want to know how to catch them red-handed.

*EDIT*

Dear SugarCane

I am a real person facing this problem for real.. I was searching in the website for tips to cope up with cheating/affairs and I came across this site... I found the articles, the posts everything very helpful and sensible and hence I am posting my problem here in need of some help..

I have humanity.. I cant talk this non-sense about my mother just for fun.. My mother is my idol.. Whatever I am today is because of her.. Just because she did this mistake doesn't mean she is bad and is trying to spoil my life..

If you cant help me out...at least don't increase my pain thinking that its a fantasy story... no girl in this world will have a fantasy story related to her mother and fiances sex life..

@SugarCane

Coming to the sleeping arrangements in my family and my fiance staying in my house, I would tel you the following points
1. My fiances family stays in a village and so he came to the city to work
2. Since we both are going to get married, my mother doesn't allow him to sleep alone fearing that we would have some romance before marriage
3. I did not even imagine that all this would happen. They both had a very nice relation like a mother and son until I left town for few days
4. My mother cannot even think about doing that and same is with my fiance
5. I dont know wat happened that suddenly my life turned upside down because of their heinous revelation
6. Now they have begged me for a chance to prove that they are not doing anything intentionally and that sex was just a mistake
7. Since I faced betrayal, its not easy for me to believe them so easily. Thats the reason I still doubt them even after so many promises.

Now if you believe it, suggest me some tips to find out the truth and set everything right. Because I LOVE THEM BOTH A LOT AND WANT TO STOP THEIR AFFAIR, if it is still continuing as I am aasuming.

Please help me

I apologise for suggesting that the story is fantasy.

You need to dump your fiance. Order him to move out of your home, and end this relationship.

IHTT,

Since your relationship with your Mother is lifelong you need to dump your fiance, he failed the test, image how much less inhibited he would be with other females.

Your Dad needs to be told as well, as you Dad cannot live under the same roof with someone who had sex with his W. This is a cruel thing to do to your Dad.

You need to get rid of the fiance IMMEDIATELY.

God Bless
Gamma

I don't agree that your relationship with your mother is lifelong. People can and do end contact with their mothers if their mothers's behaviour is intolerable. If my mother had done something like this with my fiance I would consider ending that relationship too. I would most certainly end it without looking back if she did this with my husband.

You are not married, and you should not be attempting to repair the relationship with your fiance, so no-contact with your mother is not a requisite for recovery. However, it is something that is entirely legitimate after you have weighed up other aspects of your relationship with her.

Your father should certainly be given the facts about his own marriage. He has a choice in his own future, after all. Does he know anything about this affair? Did he know of the arrangement for them to sleep together?

Why was the sleeping together only supposed to happen when he was out of the house? Wasn't there just as much chance of sexual relations between you and your fiance at night when your father was asleep in his own bed?

If it were me, I would tell my Dad, and I would never see or talk to the fiance or my mother again. The pain would be just too great.

Let me assure you that as long as this circumstance continues (your fiance sleeping with your mother) you will not be able to trust them, and will probably have a nervous breakdown.

Why did your fiance move in with your parents and sleep with your mother instead of MARRYING you???

I am assuming that there is some cultural difference that considers it OK for a guy to sleep together with his fiancee's mother, presumably to keep the guy from sleeping with his fiancee with whom I presume he has not yet had sex (I know, lots of assumptions here)... Although even then I have to ask where the guy sleeps when the mother's husband is home, and why does he not continue to sleep there when the mother's husband is away...

Having said that, I don't buy the "sex just happened because he got an erection" and the mother had sex with him because she was afraid that otherwise he would have sex with his fiancee... The creepiness of this whole arrangement is off the scale.

Personally, I would dump the fiance, and never turn my back to the mother.. Something is very rotten here, way more rotten than a semi-asleep quickie...

AGG

Yuck and how horrible.

Find a new idol.....your mom is not a good one.

There is no excuse for what either of them have done. No matter where in the world you live.

Tell Dad and find a new life that is hopefully built on true support of people who respect you in the truest sense of the word.

@SugarCane

Thank you for your advice

@Others

Thank you all for your support. I cant reveal it to my dad because he is a heart patient. I dont want to loose him..The only thing I want to do now is to catch them red handed, if their affair is continuing as I am assuming..

My fiance and I have a good physical relation..We lacked nothing..I gave him whatever he wanted..He confessed the crime to me first..and promised to never do that again..

Please tel me how do I catch them and end it...

It's common knowledge around here that the only solution to an affair is for your spouse to end all contact with the person they had an affair with for life. That is the only way they can be trusted, to remove the temptation altogether.

Given that you will not be able to deal with affair as long as they are in communication, and that keeping your mother and your husband apart isn't very practical, you have no choice but to send your fiance packing.

Also, you need to tell your dad, but first send your fiance packing. That way he knows, but won't have to deal with his wife's affair partner in his house.

ak

So obviously I "assumed" wrong.. Given this, the excuse of "she had sex with him so that he would not have sex with you" is comical at the very least...

To get to your other question, I would not waste time "trying to catch them red handed" - why bother? You are not married to him, why marry a cheater?

AGG

itshardtotrust, tell your father so he can kick this bum out of the house. Your father needs to know so he can protect himself. Your dad is being attacked by this scumbag and he has to know so he can protect his interests. This is your own father! Having a weak heart is no excuse for allowing this creep to harm him behind his back. Your fianc� is a CREEP, get rid of him!

But you have already caught them. How many times do you need to catch them? 2? 7? 100?


The affair is continuing: I would define sleeping in bed with another woman as an affair whether intercourse happens or not.