Have you read yet what Dr. Harley says about relaxation and anger?

Every time couples fight, they loose the potency of two and stand alone. When you stand alone you open yourself to risk and attack. The reason why some couples still struggle is because they are functioning as separate entities.They have broken the edge of protection, provision, promotion, increase, enlargement and good health that surrounds them. They have broken it with their infidelity, un faithfulness, quarrels undefeatable and successful. All of these are only possible if the two people (husband and wife) work together as one . There is a hedge of protection around you as couple that gives you that edge over the challenges of life.The original plan of God is for couples to work together to achieve success. However, what you see happening is couples working and fighting against each other. This will always lead to ruin and a unfulfilled life. Think of this before you drop lovebusters on each other. Not sure if your religious but I know when my WW snaps out of her fog and returns to me, if I'm willing, I will think of this everyday throughout recovery. Just the babblings of a BH who wishes he was in your situation instead of his own.

My wife doesn't seem to want me talking to anyone who supported me through this entire ordeal. I am a knife collector and was once a member of a forum called Bladeforums and I really enjoyed going there, 99.9% of the people there are men but I had to give it up because I had a thread going there about this and I was receiving a lot of advise. I am not allowed to talk to my own sister because she wanted me to divorce my wife? I don't get it really. These are people who supported me and comforted me when my wife turned her back on me and I'm not going to sugar coat it, my wife turned her back on me in every way. Now I have to turn my back on these people because my wife supposedly wants to be with me again? I am having some trouble with this. If my wife turns out to not be serious about this, which is something I have not ruled out then what will I be left with in the form of support from family and friends as I am not allowed to talk to them anymore?

I am also still having nightmares, I woke up this morning very early feeling disgusted and just had to get out of that room. I'm also finding myself feeling like I need revenge now, the only reason I did nothing in the begining was because my lawyer said not to do anything. I'm not going to divorce her,I don't think so anyway, but I sure feel like it sometimes. I'm sure ill get in trouble for posting this here today, we will see.

I guess I am allowed on Bladefourms and allowed to talk to my family? Like I said she got angry at me posting here. She's saying that she never said I couldn't do these things and saying that she now wants a divorce? "Just call the lawyer and get the divorce, I'm done" she said? I don't get it really, It's like I caused all this. She doesn't like this apartment or most of my clothes because it brings back memories for her, I don't know what memories she's talking about? Maybe the memories of her going out everyday and night while I sat at home with our daughter. I told her that a lot of her things had to go because it brought back bad memories for me but I am not sure what memories she's talking about. My wife says I am posting lies here but she has told me she does not like me talking to my sister and get upset when I do and she has told me that she doesn't want me on Bladefourms but I guess I am allowed again, I must have misunderstood her.

I'm sure ill get in trouble for posting this here today, we will see.

In conflicts about recovery, remember these rules:

Rule #1 - The Wayward doesn't steer the recovery bus.
Rule #2 - .....(This space intentionally left blank!).....

If the Princess DOES raise objections, suggest she commit them to paper. This will serve two purposes:
- It will remove her opportunity cadge you into doing something "abusive", for her to re-energize her own increasingly discredited story and thread!
- You can bring her objections here, for dispassionate and objective analysis!

BTW: You are keeping your VAR "on" whenever in her presence, aren't you? I can see her frustration quickly becoming a plan to implement a bogus DV complaint.

Hey guys, my wife has it in her head that I'm going to divorce her? I have repeatedly told her that I am not going to do that but there are times when I feel like it but those feelings pass pretty quickly. She doesn't believe me. She got into my hotmail account and there were some spam messages there from girls trying to sell their web camera sites and she has taken those as being messages frotm girls. I guess she didn't bother to click on any of the links in those spam emails or entered the codes they left to receive a "free" viewing. She says she neve gets spam mail, funny because I always get them. Doesn't matter because I just deleted the email account and will only use the one me and her set up together. I have nothing to hide as for the stuff from and to my lawyer it doesn't matter he has all that stuff. My wife has put a passlock on her phone while she was "out" all morning hacking emails. When I asked her for it she refused to give it to me and said she doesn't want the phone anymore, she will get her own, one that I won't have access too. I my self think she has and is still in contact and now she is begining to hide things again. Not sure how to proceed if she is not being honest with me.

Hi, wife just have me access to her phone and I noticed that she now has twitter installed on it. I just installed the app on my phone and signed up just to see if an email would come to out joint email account and a registration email did come in for me, however there was no email there for her twitter account activation. I looked through her twitter account and it doesn't look like she has any activity but she is logged with an email that doesn't include our joint email account. Should I worry about this?

Why does she have to have Twitter at all? Isn't she supposed to be off all social networking sites as one of her EPs?

If she absolutely MUST have it for work reasons, then all emails should go to your shared account.

I'm pretty sure she just lied to me. I asked her about it and she said she used her sons email address but she doesn't remember the password to log into the email address. Funny, because when I just signed up to twitter to see if I would get an email response it did send me a email link which I had to click on in order to create the account. My wife just became very defensive with me saying things like "it doesn't matter because if I wanted to talk to him I would and nobody can stop me" and "whatever, think what you want. I don't care I've already been caught so it doesn't matter".

Yes she was suppose to be off. She said she got it because she saw that I once had it when she was in my email. I deleted mine along time ago, she joined this morning when she took off out of the house to be alone. She doesn't need it for work and she is not using our joint email but one that she can't remember the password to but managed to create an account despite the fact. I used our email just to sign up and see if private messages could be sent between users and yes they can.

What did Dr. Harley say when you contacted him?

Just sent it tonight, I haven't heard anything yet. My wife is not very happy right now. She says I'm lying here on the forum but its not that way at all. She did pass lock her phone and said that there are things on the phone that she had to think about and that's why she passlocked it. He did give me the password after I asked for it and she didn't hide the twitter app. She did use a false email to activate it and she says she doesn't know the password for the email account she used but how do you activate a Twitter account without it? She's pretty angry right now so I am just staying in the living room,going to watch a movie I guess. Maybe she could come here and tell her part but I don't think she wants to follow the program anymore as she said she's just going to go ahead with her life and if I want to follow along than I can. She gave up her phone, she said she didn't want one on my plan anymore but instead she will get her own. She won't talk to me at all right now so I'm just going to stay away

I think it has been suggested several times that your wife take a polygraph test to confirm that she is no longer in contact with OM. Are you looking into that?

And I would like an answer to this: Have you read yet what Dr. Harley says about relaxation and anger?

When do you intend to begin Plan A?

I have looked into the polygraph but we don't have the money right now and my wife seemed less than enthusiastic about it, in fact I think she was happy not to have to take it. My wife said she signed up to twitter to see what I was doing there. I had an account along time ago but gave up on it as it was pretty much useless for me. Only contacts I had were Busse knives and a survival school. I showed my wife it all today but she doesn't care. She's given up on pretty much everything and is treating me like garbage again. No more transparency, she even said why should she be here if she can't have her Facebook account, it's still social networking she said. I said there is a huge difference between this place and Facebook but I don't think it mattered much.

I haven't read it yet. I'm having trouble finding it here.

Is this what you're looking for?
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

Suggested reading:
How to Negotiate When You Are an Emotional Person(Great information in here on relaxation and biofeedback devices)
Anger Management 101
The Angry Outburst chapter in Lovebusters (do you have this book yet?)

...my wife has it in her head that I'm going to divorce her?

I have repeatedly told her that I am not going to do that Really crappy response, which will be interpreted by a heartless, sadistic WW as a challenge to make you a "liar".

That is not a consideration...at this time. Good response, which in all likelihood more closely aligns with your position. (Dude, I read your posts, remember?)

Why would you think that? Have you done anything since the last such accusation to make me change my mind? Probably slightly better, since it tells her you're on to her tactics.

How ARE plans coming for the polygraph?

It doesn't matter if she's enthusiastic about it.