I need advise. My wife & I have been married for 20 yrs. We have 4 great kids. The last couple of years she has been pursuing her degree. She is very bright. She is also a student instructor. This requires her to meet regularly w/ the professors & students. This where the trouble starts. She become quite close w/ one of the professors. They have had lunch together, dinner, drinks. She tells me he and she have these great discussions and conversations. I let her know that it makes me uncomfortable. She tells me he's "just a good friend". Recently I became aware of private emails between the two of them. They shared dirty jokes, made sexual jokes, and basically teased one another. More recently, I discovered very very inappropriate emails including fantasy, propositions, and they made a date w/ each other. The day of this date was at a time I was going to be out of town. I couldn't take it. I wrote OM a letter telling him to stop this behavior. I shared it w/ my wife. This is how she learned I knew about the emails. She admitted saying those things. She said it was stupid and that she knew better. She swears nothing is going on and that he is so far out of the picture that I shouldn't be worried. She spends less one on one time w/ me than she does w/ these yoyos yet she can't see why I'm so upset. I love my wife dearly. I want to be with her for the rest of our lives. How do I get her to see how much I need her. She thinks I expect to much. ANY IDEAS? PLEASE HELP!

BDK1,<BR>Does your W realize how you feel ? I'm not talking about the OM, but the one on one time that you are missing. She will not change her patterns if she doesn't realize that what she is doing is affecting you. As far as the OM goes. Find out what you can about him and their relationship. Is it still going on ? Is he married as well ? Do they work together ? What are the policies about fraternization where they work ? <BR>How is your marriage ? Do you feel that you are meeting your Ws needs ? Is she meeting yours ? Think about these things before you do anything that may cause you more pain.<BR>We'll be here if you need us.<P>------------------<BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<P>

I think we need to know more.<P>Did you marry young? Might she feel she missed her youth? Is this an undergraduate degree, where she's around young kids all the time?<P>What has the marriage been like? Please try to be objective. Any problems? Have you read the concepts on this site?<P>Certainly what your W has been having is at the very least an emotional affair, that probably got nipped in the bud. But it's clearly a symptom of an underlying problem. Identify the problem, and then you can address that.