TD,
If it were me, I would not send her an anniversary gift. She asked you to stop fighting for the marriage, so sending an anniversary gift would be considered by her disrespectful.

I'm not saying don't fight for your marriage, but I think sending her a gift would be the wrong tact. The most I would do is text her something like, "Thinking of you and feeling sad on our anniversary." But if it were me, I wouldn't even do that. Last year, I let the day go without saying a word to my WW.

Send her gifts on her birthday, comfort items when she is sick, or random things at random moments if you think it will help. But in light of recent conversations I would forgo giving an anniversary gift.

In my opinion, I don't think your WW is going to respond to gifts or any kind of overtures at this point. She is still deeply in love with the POSOM it seems. (What a fool.) And until she reaches a breaking point with him, I'm not sure your gifts and affection will have an impact. There will come a day when the novelty of her affair fades and you may be able to penetrate her heart again. At that point you should go hog wild with gifts. But for now, if it were me, I would just concentrate on being a good father, stay thoughtful and kind with WW, seize opportunities to be supportive, but do not push anything and do not make romantic overtures.

She knows the door is open. What you have to concentrate on is being the most attractive option for her.

Ok, I just asked my FWW about this. She agreed with my take. She said that your WW won't read the poetry. Sending it will make you look desperate. She says pull back for now. There will come a time when you can woo her, but that time is not here yet.

BH: Great minds think alike, yes I am.
Just: I agree with you and your FWW. I will treat it just like any other day. Might go run 10-12 miles so I am too tired to think about it.

Can you plan something really fun and distracting on your anniversary date? Anything to take your mind off it will help you get through that day much easier.

Yea already done. Question for any FWW or BHs out there, when your WW was in the midst of the affair did they lose alot of weight? My WW wasn't a fat girl but looking at her pics she is disgustingly skinny. She was usually 130-135 but now looks to be 115.

I would say it could be depression. But thats my guess.

This happened to me. I went down from about 132 to 117. I think it's common to lose weight during an affair. For me, I just couldn't eat. The pressure and the stress of trying to live two different lives at the same time can be quite tremendous.

That and she may also be trying everything including this to keep OM.

I think its a combo of both writer1 and BH. Feeling so depressed right now, going to head to the gym and blow off some steam. Was invited to a birthday party but I declined. Partying up isn't going to fox my situation.

Well our 4th went good. Fianc�/baby mama doesn't want to help but she has the information now. WW and I have court on Tuesday not sure if she is going to show or of she is even in town. She called a couple of times and DS didn't want to talk to her unless she is at home. Hurt her feelings but somehow I know she will twist this around and make it my fault. I messed up some, when she does call I should try to engage her in a conversation. Still speak with SS on the regular and he really enjoys talking to me. When he calls its near bed time so we say a prayer on the phone together almost every night. Please pray for a favorable outcome for me in this court date and my family as well. God bless.

Definitely will, friend.

Who was the judge that granted you the custody thing? Would it be the same judge you will have or would it be different? (I say this because if it's possible that it's the same judge, he/she may have a great understanding of how your WW's been acting and thus why DS wouldn't want to talk to her)

(IANAL, in case you hadn't noticed)

It's the same judge. What does IANAL mean?

Ohhhh-ooooooh, can I guess?

IANAL = I Am Not A Lawyer!

Although, that seems that to represent a contradiction in terms. Most members of the legal profession in my experience would most certainly answer

Well what did OM ex wife tell you? She said he turns his women into drug addicts.
That will cause weight loss

Having the same judge will surely work in your favor -- good bit of luck you have here!

I hope so, well went to a birthday party and had a blast with DS. Still sad but the day is almost over. This is the worst anniversary ever, I miss my wife and family. Didn't acknowledge it to her didn't even call her this feels so real unnatural.

Anniversaries are a killer for the betrayed spouse. What are you doing this weekend?

First going clean up the house its a mess been uber lazy. Started a new workout and its kicking my butt! Going to take DS to the movies and after that going to play at the park.

I hear Despicable Me 2, is really good.

Have fun.

Was fun and thanks for the idea DS enjoyed it. My lawyer is getting a new judge because court date was changed. I'm guessing WS doesn't have the money to come here for court and had her lawyer make up an excuse. Kind of upset about that IMO she shouldn't have any excuses to make the court dates no one told her to move out of state. Correction POSOM did. Oh well I was looking forward to a Plan A thing with her. Maybe she's stalling because she doesn't want a divorce? Who knows I know one thing though I'm feeling better and looking good!