Thanks BH didn't get to hear it the first time. Feeling better now I was feeling down cause I gained weight and my SS maybe living with WW and POSOM. Weighed myself and lost 3lbs. Been running like a mad man. The answer renewed my faith as well, I just need to stay the course.

Update:

I called my WW last week to let her know about DS surgery. She was very defensive and standoffish. She insisted she doesn't love me and I am going through this trouble because I was feeling guilty. I told her I am going through this for our family and our marriage. She insulted me and asked to speak with DS. It was rather short, she promised to come see him on the day of his surgery and the reason she hasn't been calling is because she is working all the time. Please keep in mind she didn't have to work when we were together I brought enough money in where it wasn't necessary. DS called her out on it and she simply said she loves and miss him and he said the same and wants her home away from POSOM.

Couple of days prior I spoke with SS, he's still with his grandmother, about the situation. He wanted to know why his mother was doing this because I am a great dad even though I'm not his real dad. I told him that his mom is very mad at me because I told everyone about her affair with POSOM. He said all I did was say the truth like his mother and I taught him. I said I know and he proceeded to say if his mom has kids with POSOM they aren't his brother's and sisters, how he wish he could run away and live with me and how the law is sometimes unfair.

I told him not to runaway and be strong for his mother because right now she is mentally weak and only cares about POSOM and herself. If he needed anything from me to give me a call and I will do my best to help him out. His grandmother asked him what we talk about on the phone and he told her the truth. She must've relayed the information to WW and he wasn't allowed to call me anymore. Couple of days ago his grandmother let him call because he was badgering her and he told me this week his mom is flying him to POSOM and her place.

I reiterated what I told him and we said goodbye. I was bummed out for a couple days, forced my self to work out on this new routine and got better. WW received the package via the mail after our conversation but I heard nothing from her in regards to it. Grandma likes my facebook posts about the situation. Other than that moving forward with DS. He's attending school soon and I'm just focusing on the things I did wrong in the relationship. I pretty much handled all the LBs I know was guilty of as well as some IBs I put a finger on whenever we reconcile. Plan on sending WW pictures of myself and DS when he starts his 1st day of school. Other than that I don't know of any good Plan A ideas from afar that don't make me look desperate.

TD,

You're such a warrior and I think it's wonderful how you've kept such a good relationship with your DSS10.

Is there anyway to have your DSS come visit you and DS at least request it? I'm sure the boys would love that.

I'm very sorry to hear about your step son. The feelings that he expresses to you are heart breaking. I am also sorry that your own son is without a mother at this time.

When you e-mailed Dr. Harley you did not share with them her reactions to your communications, though maybe it doesn't matter. I would think that your best Plan A strategy would be to 1) avoid love busters, and this includes educating your WW, 2) being warm, pleasant, and upbeat during any interactions and not letting her bait you into arguments or even talking about the relationship, 3) being kind and respectful to her, and 4) being strong and confident, because those are desirable traits for a lot of women. Based on the hostility and rejection you have been getting from her these past few months, I would definitely tone down the gifts, but continue to maintain contact and give her friendly updates. The picture on the first day of school is a good idea.

I think it is going to be harder and harder to Plan A her when she is so hostile towards you. As I said before, your love bank must be close to empty. If it isn't, then you are superman. At least her distance enables you to Plan A without being triggered everyday.

Take good care of yourself and your son.

WW is feeling guilty. Got an email asking if its ok for DS and DSS to chat over Skype sometime. I replied no DSS can call like he's been doing the whole time and also ask if she was ok due to recent news about shootings where she lived. No reply and Just I agree with your assessment. BH I blew it, I should of asked during the reply. I was too busy trying to respond without a LBing. I mean really?! Skype?! DSS should be home as should she. This wayward fantasy crap where me and her love this happy life while she has an affair is getting quite old.

TD it must have been heartbreaking listening to DSS express his feelings and knowing he has contact with WW & OM. It's wonderful you have maintained your relationship with DSS and he knows you love, care and want him in your life.

I wouldn't worry to much about blowing it, I don't know if it would have made a difference. You have done so well fighting for your M and both your children, remember that.

Here's a small update:

DS and I are doing well he started kindergarten and had his tonsils removed. WW and I talk once a day daily. She calls under the guise of wanting to talk to DS but he can't really talk because of his surgery. She is jubilant and no ok get belligerent with me. It's kind of weird, SS his with her and I have t talked to him her but she claims he's fine. I use the conversations to tell her all the fun things DS and I are doing. How we went shopping, school field trips, going to the park and etc.

She responds with some questions (not negative ones mind you) and laughs. She called and I returned her call a couple of hours later. As DS and I were shopping and went out to eat. Again I remind you be refuses to talk cause his throat hurts or maybe because he's mad about his mother's actions or both. It was late when I returned her call because of the time zone difference. She asked me what DS and I did and as I'm telling I hear a man's voice in the background asking her who it is and what's she is doing. He had a condescending to it.

Like he was talking to his teenage daughter. Am I wrong to laugh in my mind she. I heard it?! She replies to POSOM that its her son. He claims its late and she tells me she has to go, I tried talking to her more but she gets frantic and ends the conversation. From this I gather when she calls to talk to "DS" he's at work or not around hence the small talk with me. However, when he's around she doesn't call me because its against the rules. Any feed back on this? I feel I'm making small deposits with these conversations and that the consequences of the affair AKA the control and abuse this guy is known for are coming to light. Thanks for your support everyone and God bless!

Tranq;
You are doing amazing work. What a high wire balancing act!
Keep going...

You are handling the phone calls really well. It's good that you are not discussing the relationship and focusing on your son. Are you keeping confident and upbeat on the phone? That will be a nice contrast to the POSM.

I have a question. Should I cancel health insurance on SS and WW? By keeping it I feel I'm propping up the affair. Please keep in mind WW had a cancer scare not sure if it was resolved or not.

Are you still claiming to be in Plan A?

If so, then "Yes".
If not, then "No".

Thanks for the reply NG, I'm still in Plan A.

I'm still in Plan A.

Well, from way out here, it is apparent that your Plan A has a lot more appearance to it than substance. If Plan A were truly your guiding light, you would never have been impelled to have asked the question, TD. Your (wayward) wife's happiness, well-being, and comfort would dominate your thinking. Cutting off her health benefits could not be Plan A

It would, however, be entirely consistent with Plan NG, but such a Plan is NOT admissible to the MB community!

Focus, NG!

Plan A needs the carrot and the stick.

Drop the insurance. OM is banging WW every night so let OM provide the insurance.

The Road, I agree with your response but I also have NG's response that's the complete opposite. Kinda torn on the issue and will mull it over leaning towards cutting it off. Today DS5 started school sent WW an email about it and offered a invitation to play a video game we used to play together during happier times. Also sent WW school pictures of DS5's first day of school and a present for SS.
MIL sent me a email saying she praying for a good outcome for my marriage but she is taking the "WW is making a mistake but she's and adult" stance. Not sure on how much help that is. Today plan on cleaning up with DS and cooking some dinner with him. Staying strong and its FOOTBALL SEASON!

Dropping the insurance is not plan A. Taking an action that feel like revenge is not to plan A. The only exception is exposure, which might feel like revenge to a BS, although it is done for completely different reasons.

Having had some time to mull on this issue (Face it, NG, you have NO life!), it occurs to me that Plan A EN satisfaction is only effective if it is realized by the WW. In other words, she probably has zero awareness of your ongoing consideration in this matter.

Sooooooo, somehow you have to make certain she knows what you are doing for her and DSS. Your choice, at the next phone call:

- tell her that you are planning to continue her coverage, because you expect her to return,
- tell her you are struggling to retain her coverage, because "they" are questioning her residence out of state. This is likely all the more tenuous since DSS is technically NOT your dependent.

Of course, you should also discretely investigate what the coverage conditions actually are for her and (especially) him. Covering them is definitely Plan A; committing fraud and losing your own coverage would not be.

TranquilDark:

The purpose of Plan A is to provide encouragement to an unfaithful spouse that the marriage is a far better choice than the affair. It's reaching out a hand of love, letting the unfaithful spouse know that the betrayed spouse will be an enthusiastic and respectful partner in the process of marital recovery. But Plan A also involves two caveats that the unfaithful spouse will not like: 1) Exposure of the affair to everyone and 2) that there can be absolutely no contact with the other person for the remainder of life. But aside from these two, there should be no negatives: No disrespect, no angry outbursts.

Plan A does not necessarily require the meeting of emotional needs, such as sexual fulfillment. But it would express a sincere willingness to meet unmet emotional needs while on the path to marital recovery.

As NG mentioned, Plan A would not involve cutting your wife from your health insurance policy. And neither would plan B, the only other reasonable strategy for marital recovery after an affair. She should remain on your policy until you are divorced and the court has allowed her to be removed.

Plan B is to cut off all contact with your wife until she is willing to follow the plan that would lead to marital recovery. She must agree to end all contact with the other man, follow extraordinary precautions to prevent such contact or another affair, agree to transparency in marriage (the POJA and PORH), and follow a program of recovery that eliminates Love Busters and teaches each spouse to meet each other's most important emotional needs.

The primary purpose of Plan B is to preserve what remains of love units in your wife's Love Bank account. By being completely separated with no contact you will still have some feelings for her by the time her affair dies a natural death and she wants to restore her marriage with you. If you remain in Plan A too long, her account will be so deep in the red that living with her would be the last thing you would ever want. Plan B also helps keep a betrayed spouse reasonably healthy while this tragedy is unfolding. Staying in Plan A too long can have catastrophic effects on a betrayed spouse's health. That's especially true for women.

Best wishes,
Dr. Harley

Thanks for your response Dr. Harley. I know what I must do now. I emailed WW about this topic and made it known to her as well. She responded on how's she depressed and misses DS. I replied thanking her for giving me news regarding SS schooling. He is doing fine according to her but misses his brother.

Well, Dr Harley is speaking to this issue on MB Radio at this moment!