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Looking forward to talking with Dr Harley today. Trying to get my thoughts together so it is productive.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
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Looking forward to hearing it, FtF, and looking forward to you guys getting some help to get some traction to move forward.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Good luck, my friend. I hope the MB Radio Program has the bandwidth to accommodate the multitudes that interest in your struggles will attract today.
(And I know that's not REALLY a concern........)
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It was a good show but I felt like we could have gone another hour. We haven't had a chance to discuss yet since I had to go right back to work.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
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So does anyone have any comments on our show? I'm kind of depressed about it.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
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Did you and FC talk about it together last night?
Did you listen to the show again to see if you could gain more helpful information?
From my broad perspective, the advice you got was to learn how to court her, woo her.
I would suggest you listen to Markos closely for he has walked that road and has a lot of helpful tips that could help you.
xFWW(me)-48
Married-14 years
D-Day~23-May-11
NC- 14-Apr-11
1 DS 15
Online course July '11 to July '12
17 sessions with S. Harley Feb '12 to Sep '12
Divorced Jan 21, 2013
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I feel kinda of biased as I identified a lot with your wife during the show. But I would have to agree with Dr Harley that if you make UA time enjoyable and keeping making deposits without any expectations, and avoid the Lovebusters, then at some point FC will be wanting that physical connection with you.
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So does anyone have any comments on our show? I'm kind of depressed about it. I will be listening to it here in a bit. So will markos.
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We did listen to it again. Did you catch the part where he said there were women who fit his program nicely and then there were women like FC?
Me (42)
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And how not to have pressure?
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********edit*******
There were two solutions to her "depression" that suggested themselves immediately. Joyce, rather pointedly, brought up the possibility of getting involved in child-beneficial activities with other women, in the specific suggestion, church-based. Keep us advised on fc's efforts on that front, okay?
The other one, and given his support of such tactics I'm surprised Dr H did not mention, was the use of mild ADs. Is there a reason, in her medical history which he might know and we don't, that that was not to be an option?
Last edited by JustUss; 07/17/13 10:59 AM. Reason: Comments about moderation go TO the mods!
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The other one, and given his support of such tactics I'm surprised Dr H did not mention, was the use of mild ADs. Is there a reason, in her medical history which he might know and we don't, that that was not to be an option? No. He did talk to her alone for about 10 minutes before the show started. I got the impression that his conversation with her did not lead him to believe she was depressed in any significant way.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
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Married: June 24, 2000
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The other one, and given his support of such tactics I'm surprised Dr H did not mention, was the use of mild ADs. Is there a reason, in her medical history which he might know and we don't, that that was not to be an option? No. He did talk to her alone for about 10 minutes before the show started. I got the impression that his conversation with her did not lead him to believe she was depressed in any significant way. On the contrary, from listening to the show, it does sound like he believes she is depressed and this will need to be overcome. He recommended giving her something to look forward to in order to help with the depression -- 15 hours of Family Commitment time, since she enjoys your time together as a family.
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And you also need to work on making your UA time ENJOYABLE for BOTH of you. I found it interesting that you both admitted to it being boring. This is a HUGE problem, and it's no surprise that you are not making progress. I also found it interesting that he told you that you do not have to give up movies or television, only that these should be in addition to your 15 hours UA. Why not do something like this: Go to dinner (concentrate on affection and conversation) for an hour, then the bowling alley for 2 hours(concentrate on affection and conversation), then hit a movie afterwards (I would still include affection  ). Thats 3 hours UA, followed by something you enjoy doing that isn't UA. Be creative and make sure the UA is something you enjoy!
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And you also need to work on making your UA time ENJOYABLE for BOTH of you. I found it interesting that you both admitted to it being boring. This is a HUGE problem, and it's no surprise that you are not making progress. Yes, that has got to be solved, to be in love with each other. If it's boring, do something different! I laughed at Joyce saying "Then why are you doing it?" Of course, you're doing it because you want to fix your marriage, but the unspoken and unsolved problem was that neither of you are enjoying it. Now that that is out there, get it on the table and find something FUN to do together.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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FTF,
I kinda wished you had asked Dr. H what a H should do for sex when a WW has no interest
**EDIT**
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Mizar; 07/17/13 12:29 PM. Reason: TOS: disruptive
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The other one, and given his support of such tactics I'm surprised Dr H did not mention, was the use of mild ADs. Is there a reason, in her medical history which he might know and we don't, that that was not to be an option? No. He did talk to her alone for about 10 minutes before the show started. I got the impression that his conversation with her did not lead him to believe she was depressed in any significant way. On the contrary, from listening to the show, it does sound like he believes she is depressed and this will need to be overcome. He recommended giving her something to look forward to in order to help with the depression -- 15 hours of Family Commitment time, since she enjoys your time together as a family. He did say that in talking to her, she seemed to be a cheerful person that had no serious problems with depression. The discussion about being depressed came after I interjected that it was not only the A, but she her lifestyle also changed since quitting her job two years ago. Even then, he described it as "low level" and she herself said it was getting better every day.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
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I was presented with the only option being to make her happy with no expectation or requirement that she try to do the same.
Last edited by FightTheFight; 07/17/13 01:02 PM.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
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I was presented with the only option being to make her happy with no expectation or requirement that she try to do the same. What I heard was that you can expect that things will change, when she is in love with you. That doesn't sound like "no expectations" to me.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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And you also need to work on making your UA time ENJOYABLE for BOTH of you. I found it interesting that you both admitted to it being boring. This is a HUGE problem, and it's no surprise that you are not making progress. I also found it interesting that he told you that you do not have to give up movies or television, only that these should be in addition to your 15 hours UA. Why not do something like this: Go to dinner (concentrate on affection and conversation) for an hour, then the bowling alley for 2 hours(concentrate on affection and conversation), then hit a movie afterwards (I would still include affection ). Thats 3 hours UA, followed by something you enjoy doing that isn't UA. Be creative and make sure the UA is something you enjoy! The conversation moved along before I got a chance to say it. But at the time I was thinking we don't have time to go to a two hour movie if we can't count that as UA time. We don't get enough as it is.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
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