<BR>I need advice. Even though all seems well with my H (he's been very loving, etc.) His happiness is making me nervous. I think it may be a sign that he is continuing contact with the OW. I have asked him and he says no, but he's lied before. I feel like calling the OW, but then she's a liar too. I feel like I'm obsessing. Should I call the OW and ask. Of course, then she'll know that I'm not feeling secure and that bothers me......Please advise.

DO not call OW. It only makes you look insecure and if it has stopped and she is missing him, that will let her know you don't trust him, that there are still problems etc etc. See?<BR> What other signs are there? Does he work late? Do you know where he eats lunches?<BR>Don't go by his happiness alone. Let me know if there are other signs? <BR>I am a great detective let me tell you. But I don't think his happiness is enough to warrant calling the OW!<BR>M<P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

No he never works late. Is usually home from work around 2 p.m. It was during this afternoon time that he would always spend on the phone with OW. I have no way of knowing if he is continuing this practice because I'm not home. He has gone out a few times with friends since disclosing his affair, but I have done some checking up and believe that he didn't see her those times. <BR>I try to be a good detective too. I am no longer naive like I used to be. Sometimes I think I was happier naive....ignorance is bliss!!! No that I don't trust him I feel like I'm going nuts.....I think I need to take a deep breath, pray, keep busy.....if he is continuing contact with her I believe it will all come out in the wash anyway....the OW is going to want to let me know somehow that she's still in the picture in the hopes that I'll throw his a- - out!! The obsessing is the most difficult thing to overcome. I am into Plan A, and I don't want to nag him. He has told me over and over how much it means to him that I don't nag. I also don't want to ask too many questions, because I think it makes him think of her....What do you think...Should I just let the chips fall where they may?

I'll tell you what gets me through the day, I have done the obsessing thing to. <BR>One day after crying so hard, this was after we decided to work it out...<BR>I said a little prayer and once I said it, I felt like I could go through the day. I said it every morning for awhile, now about once a week ...<P>Lord, Thank you for allowing me the chance to repair my marriage. Please let me be what I need to be for H, but don't let me close my eyes again. If it is still going on and he is lying, then give me the courage to see, keep my eyes open to the things unseen. <BR>If he is being genuine, give me the heart to reward his efforts.<BR>Amen.<P>I was very naive!!!! In fact stupid would better describe me, but that's in the past.<BR>That prayer has got me through times when I would have gone over his every movement so many times, I was ready to pack my stuff and go, I had made myself sick. Now I never showed any of this to my H. He saw nothing but me trying to make him happy, after all was settled and we decided to work it out.<BR> <BR>I can tell you that my H told me 5 or 6 times, in 2 years, it was over and I would catch him in a lie. He did the happy thing with me, but I had other signs. <BR>You can't call him in the afternoon? Or take a late lunch and pop in on him? <BR>After getting assurance even one day, you'll feel somewhat better. But now don't go following him around. <P>Let me know how it goes!<BR>PS .. I also told myself .. THis is mean .. but I told myself a few times that if I have done all this for him, gotten over, been overly meeting his needs, opened my heart back to him, which is not easy for me and I do this for a few months and do find out he's lying. He will be broke and homeless. I only thought it when I was joking with my best friend, but it did feel good to laugh!<P>Please keep me informed. <BR>M<P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

Hi Stella,<P>I'm relatively new to this detective thing, too, but I sure have learned a lot in the last four months.<P>Check with your local telephone company (I'm assuming her number is a local one) and see if they will/can provide you with a list of inbound & outbound numbers on a monthly basis. They seem to want to do anything for more business these days, caller id, call waiting, call return, etc. I'm sure there is a tremendous demand for this type of service, judging from the number of people on this board! I would be really interested in knowing if the phone company will do this (I know technologically, it's possible).<P>If you do followup, please let us know what you find out...

Sidney and Mater, Thanks for responding.<P>I do call him in the afternoon, but with call waiting who can tell??? We also have caller ID so I can tell if she calls my house, but that can be erased also. I called our local phone company which is GTE and asked for a printout and they would not provide one. They said only the courts can order it......My H is a truck driver so he has a company cell phone. We never see the bill, so I would imagine that she could call him there anytime. What kills me is that the OW has a full time job, how in the hell she can spend the afternoon on the job is beyond me. I can't!! I'm too busy!!<P>I really really wish I knew how to set up a phone tap. Then I would know for sure.<P>But really, the prayer is great I will use it....The OW lives right here in our town (this is a very small town in Central California) so sometimes I find myself driving by her apartment just to check....this really makes me miserable. I want to stop, but the not knowing drives me crazy. I would rather know the truth and deal with the pain.<BR>

I feel kind of silly talking about how wonderful my H was in this area considering how down I have been concerning him these last few days.<P>Do you feel it would be okay if you just told him your concerns and ask him if he could think of a solution? Some way to let you know what he is doing and help him account for his actions?<P>I know some people greatly resent this, but my H never acted like he did. He would call me and tell me anytime he was going somewhere. Even after 18 months he still does. He encouraged me to check up on him because he felt everytime he was found telling the truth it would increase my trust in him even if it were so minimal that I didn't really realize it.<P>Maybe if you involve him in this problem it will make you both feel better. Also, try to remember to let him know anytime you feel it is helping. <P>My H would go to a friends house that I trusted when he was off and she was off and I had to work or go to school. <P>He sends me emails because I know he doesn't know how to make the email look like it is coming from somewhere else other than the internet account it is coming from. He also doesn't have access to the internet at work and OW doesn't have a computer.<P>I have had to make some explanations to my boss concerning why he calls so much on Fridays, which is her consistant day off. He works rotating shift so his varies.<BR>