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She told me that it will be done right away and if I am not over everything once it is done she wants a divorce? Here is my take: Both of you are VERY emotional excitable people. Every time you hit a snag, it seems one or both of you is talking about divorce, asking the other to leave, etc. It's as if you guys only have two settings: 0 and 10. No in between. And then later, it means NOTHING. Later you are still together. The only thing that was accomplished by such threats was a love bank withdrawal. I would IGNORE such threats for now (other than list them on a weekly love busters worksheet for each other), and try to talk about what she wants from a PROBLEM SOLVING perspective: "Okay, polygraph will cost $X00. We only have $Y00 free this month. What do you suggest we change to afford this?" Then, talk back and forth. DEFUSE the fight.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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By the way, Prisca and I also did a lot of 0 or 10, nothing in between, kind of stuff to each other. We are emotional. Rule number one is to CALM DOWN.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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As both of you have newly agreed to the Policy of Joint Agreement, both of you need to become frequent users of the "default" policy of the POJA:
DO NOTHING without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse.
Here is the comfort: if you do not schedule a polygraph right here, right now, right this second, she is probably NOT going to just up and divorce you! She is running hot right now getting emotional and saying things she will regret later and will probably not act upon.
So, without fighting about it, you leave it in her court. She has made the request, you aren't enthusiastic at this second, when everybody calms down you can negotiate again.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I sent an email to Dr. Harley more than a week ago and he hasn't replie to me. I don't know if my wife saw it and erased it as we share the email account. Maybe he just forgot? Dr. Harley has said on the radio show in the past that if you don't get a response to an email in a few days, please resend the message. Things can happen with email.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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I have notified Dr Harley & Joyce
JustUss
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Wife has been saying she wants to and should go back on Facebook. Today she's acting very strange and distant. I don't know what she's doing but she's hiding her phone and won't let me see it. I was going to take it and look at it but she would not allow me to leave the room with it. I think she ha made contact today or got messages? Whatever it is she has expressed her desire to have Facebook back and will not allow me to look at her phone. What do you guys suggest?
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Wife has been saying she wants to and should go back on Facebook. Today she's acting very strange and distant. I don't know what she's doing but she's hiding her phone and won't let me see it. I was going to take it and look at it but she would not allow me to leave the room with it. I think she ha made contact today or got messages? Whatever it is she has expressed her desire to have Facebook back and will not allow me to look at her phone. What do you guys suggest? Since no Facebook is an EP, you should not agree to it. Calmly hold to the position that you know is right, and don't argue. As to what is really up, it is pointless to speculate. Be calm and controlled.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Do you recall your post of 09 July, and my reply? Maybe just paranoia on my part.
My Psych 101 professor made the observation that paranoia
is only legitimately discussed in the past tense; you know, in
those rare cases that play out that there really was nobody
out to get you! Dude, how many breaks of EPs are you willing to abide, before giving up? How did the disposal of the i-phone go? Did the polygraph happen? Did she pursue counseling with a professional who has experience with her "impulse" issues?
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I thought ya'll got rid of your smart phones ...
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Do you recall your post of 09 July, and my reply? Maybe just paranoia on my part.
My Psych 101 professor made the observation that paranoia
is only legitimately discussed in the past tense; you know, in
those rare cases that play out that there really was nobody
out to get you! Dude, how many breaks of EPs are you willing to abide, before giving up? How did the disposal of the i-phone go? Did the polygraph happen? Did she pursue counseling with a professional who has experience with her "impulse" issues? None of the above as of yet. She has tried to contact a polygraph company but we just can't afford it right now. It will be done though! She has not found a new psychologist, in fact she has stopped going to her old one all together so she's seeing no one now. She doesn't care about EPs.
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She doesn't care about EPs.
Tell us something we DON'T already know!
If you do ever get her back on the radio show, that statement would be a GREAT lead-off to the discussion!
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We talked a little last night, She seems good now.
It's our anniversary today so hopefully we get to spend the entire evening together alone.
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I was going to take it and look at it but she would not allow me to leave the room with it. I think she ha made contact today or got messages? Whatever it is she has expressed her desire to have Facebook back and will not allow me to look at her phone. What do you guys suggest? I suggest you stop and think about what she wants. She asked you not to leave the room. Did you ask her why? Why couldn't you respect her wishes? Did you end up looking at her phone? Sounds like you two know how to pick a fight. That needs to stop.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
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No I never ended up looking at her phone. She didn't want me to be around her last night so I left the room. She is hiding the phone it seems anyway. She sleeps with it very close and always has it in her now. She turns the ringer off at night and sometimes I see her check it late at night. I don't know I there is anything there but how would I? I can't hear if a message or a call came in.
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No I never ended up looking at her phone. She didn't want me to be around her last night so I left the room. She is hiding the phone it seems anyway. She sleeps with it very close and always has it in her now. She turns the ringer off at night and sometimes I see her check it late at night. I don't know I there is anything there but how would I? I can't hear if a message or a call came in. Doesn't your service provider let you see metadata history for the phone on their website? I know mine does. You might not see the actual content of text messages, but you can see where they are coming from. Better yet, why not let this rest for awhile? Leave the phones at home and take your wife out to dinner.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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No I never ended up looking at her phone. She didn't want me to be around her last night so I left the room. She is hiding the phone it seems anyway. She sleeps with it very close and always has it in her now. She turns the ringer off at night and sometimes I see her check it late at night. I don't know I there is anything there but how would I? I can't hear if a message or a call came in. Doesn't your service provider let you see metadata history for the phone on their website? I know mine does. You might not see the actual content of text messages, but you can see where they are coming from. Better yet, why not let this rest for awhile? Leave the phones at home and take your wife out to dinner. That's exactly what we are going tonight.
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We talked a little last night, She seems good now. Notice again the pattern of how there's a snag, you get very excited, she gets very excited, but a little while later, things calm down? During that excited time is when both of you are likely to make bad love bank hits. And later, things seem to turn out all right afterward. Keep that in mind DURING the excited times, to keep you from getting frustrated and making love bank withdrawals. Use that fact ("things are usually better later, we work it out") to help keep yourself calm. It looks to me like one of her worst impulses is, when you get excited, or something's not going right, she pushes an EP button. Hides a phone, threatens to go on facebook, etc. It's like threatening divorce. Tell her markos said STOP DOING THAT!  (With a smile on your face, and laugh together afterward. Laugh at ME and make ME the bad guy, okay?)
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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No I never ended up looking at her phone. She didn't want me to be around her last night so I left the room. She is hiding the phone it seems anyway. She sleeps with it very close and always has it in her now. She turns the ringer off at night and sometimes I see her check it late at night. I don't know I there is anything there but how would I? I can't hear if a message or a call came in. Doesn't your service provider let you see metadata history for the phone on their website? I know mine does. You might not see the actual content of text messages, but you can see where they are coming from. What kinds of checking, like this, can you do that do not involve talking to and confronting mrs_cen? You're not trying to be her jailer, here. You should be able to quietly check up on her without her even knowing.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I caught her with the Facebook thing. She asked me to go through her history so she could delete it. I did so and found Facebook. When I opened it the login page came up with her loggin info already entered. So she has to have logged in right? Everytime you open Facebook on her phone it comes up with her loggin info already entered. She's denying it left and right but I'm not that stupid and I know what a cookie is. She just plain lying to me now. She's had multiple Facebook accounts, she let me login to this one but she won't let me see the others. Kind of like her email, she has many of them. When I questioned her about the Facebook she got very defensive and started asking what it is I have against Facebook. I told her I just don't like it that's why I have never had Facebook.
Last edited by RNR2013; 07/17/13 09:14 PM.
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WHEN ARE YOU GETTING RID OF THE PHONES?
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