RocketQ.. The exposure couldn't of worked any better if I was to go by how angry she is ;0)

Indie - I know what you mean pushing on getting more info from the OM BS BF!!

But my friend is going for a drink with her soon and try keeping that side sweet. When we first got in contact with the BF she was slightly reluctant to even tell the OM BW - as they have a child together and she didn't want to rock the boat.. But did speak to her once she knew I'd already been in contact with her on FB

Got a reply back from the HR Director... Any advise on the reply, not sure if I should push a little more!

..........

Thank you for your e-mail.

I have noted the points of your correspondence which will be managed confidentially within the business.

As I�m sure you can appreciate Xxxxxxx maintains a duty of care to all employees including their confidentially and data protection. It will therefore, not be possible for me to provide any further updates.

...................

I guess the fact that they have replied would suggest that the matter is being looked into?!

I'm afraid you must tackle things more confidently than this. Your marriage is under attack, the normal rules don't apply. You might not want to do anything that might upset your friends date, but seriously, bigger problems are at hand.

Just contact her. Civilly, politely, confidently. Don't tread on eggshells worrying about who else is worried about 'rocking the boat'.

If you've already asked the BF for a contact number, and that's not worked - try something else. Look in the phone book or electoral roll. Try 192.com. Google her. Contact or go to her workplace.

While you delay the waywards are giving her a fine tale about how his poor friend has such a jealous husband.

Working from home today, the weather is wonderful in the uk ... hitting temps of 25 C, and the garden is blossoming!

Dealing with a wayward is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. It's been going for 7 months now and I had to watch her going from a sensitive, intelligent, loving wife and mother into foggy babbling mess. And the anger directed at me, per expo, slowly building even though I've pulled away from her, tried to minimise the LB and just get on with my life, is becoming unbearable..

We're in a real mess at the moment, neither of us will leave the family home as the custody of the children is something, if we get divorced, will be fought for in court and leaving the family home put you in a massive disadvantage...

Just got a call from the police on the house phone asking for the WW .. Going to stay at home today so need to be prepared her doing something crazy !!

Get my James Bond face on!!

Indie, your right!

My thinking that was any proof I gather now isn't even going to be acknowledge by my WW as she so foggy... And maybe me pushing to see them would make me look even more of an irrational BH, but if I keep it cool and I get the OM BW on side it would be a real bonus... I'll get my mate to arrange a meet...

To give you some more background so I know what angle I should take with OM W..

I found out about the affair in January and my W claims that the affair has been going on since December last year. The OM separated from his W in October, but I suspect the the affair has been going on since June last year as I found a text message on her phone in June which just seemed a bit odd as it was from a number that wasn't stored on her phone, but not enough to really get me suspicious, when I checked the phone a month or so later, that text message had a stored name against it and didn't think much of it. It wasnt until DDay I found that she had stored number against a another man name that is a real geek so no one would suspect anything if it was found!

I guess any proof I have after he separated from his W isn't going to sway her...

Thanks for the kick up the backside indie :0)

Going to stay at home today so need to be prepared her doing something crazy !!

Do you have legal counsel (solicitor, barrister, whatever!) on speed-dial?

Why cant you just call her up or go around today? Getting other people to arrange a meet could take forever. You need to act now! Have you tried to contact her yourself? Searched for a way to reach her?

Dont worry about 'how you look'. You owe this woman a chance to speak with you personally in case she has any questions. This is a moral obligation from one BS to another.

Its important you make the move in case she's been told you are some sort of monster. Contact her, tell her about the A and give her a contact number in case she has follow up questions. Show her you are polite and reasonable and fighting for your marriage.



You're not trying to prove anything to your wife. She already knows she is in an extra marital affair! She's a drunk addict whose opinion does not matter one jot.

You are trying to bust up the A. You're tring to make life harder for the OM to sneak around and see your wife. To let him face the disgust of his family so he cant bring your wife as in as a 'new girlfiend'. You're disrupting their future plans. Have his parents been exposed to btw?

Plus lets spare a thought for the BW, she deserves to know the truth no matter what is in it for you.

I dont like this police business either. Do some research on good lawyers today.

It is lovely weather but Im afraid you have work to do.

ok Indie.. I'll get on it. The whole police thing has taken my focus away from distruping the affair and your right about the the other BS having a right to know..

Any advise on the response from the workplace?

Oh, I have legal advise in place, if she kicks off, will walk into the garden so the neighbours can hear whats going on, if it all come to much will take the kids up a neighbours until she calms down and made sure my phone is fully charged :0)

The proof I was talking about was that the BF had told my mate the OM has been trying to get back together with his W... and he's being doing that whilst having an affait with my WW..

Yes. Waywards are very capable at disrupting you and beating you down. They are experts at preventing people from meddling in their A. We will keep you on course!



Other people who have done this can advise you better. But I would imagine a follow up on your part will be needed. Youve started the ball rolling though and that's the main thing.



This is not the most logicl plan. For a start she may not do anything, and you will not do anything, but later she will go to the police claiming lots of things. Then if a row does start the neighbours may not hear/want to get involved.. the plan is full of holes.

Put the kids in the car drive out to an electrical store today and get a proper recordable device you can keep on whenever you two are alone. Then come home and do research on BW and OM family. Get exposure calls done today if possible.

If you hurry you can get it all done and reward yourself with a cool beer in the garden by 7pm

"Then come home and do research on BW and OM family"

Should I do the research on this site? Have you got any links

Any members advise on the workplace response above?

Also, do I remain in Plan A? She is so furious that she willing to call the police, never mind even talking to me! Since the exposure she barely said a word. Just pure rage! I guess there's no way of meeting her EN, and just avoid LB at this stage?

Use BT's residential phone book. Search 192.com for her address and possibly phone number. Google her name (and profession if you know it) to see if you can find out where she works. Check out her FB page for clues as to where she lives/works.

Yes Plan A. Talk at her, and offer nice things, be attentive, just dont expect anything back. Treat her the way you would treat an abusive drunk. One who might have nice memories of your care when they sober and wake up.

Dont just avoid LB, No LB at all!

Just got an email from her solicitor starting divorce proceeding !! Panicking now! Help guys

FF,

Just got an email from her solicitor starting divorce proceeding !! Panicking now! Help guys

Side effect of the medicine of exposure, since both OM and WW were exposed you have doubled your chance that one of them will be embarrassed or ashamed enough that it will kill their wonderful affair. Sunlight kills mold exposure kills affairs.

Even if you do get divorced you've reduced the probability of this affair continuing and you have stood your ground.

God Bless
Gamma

"Starting divorce proceedings" is not "divorced".

But even given the possibility that she does continue her moral self-disembowelment, what EXACTLY are you imagining you would have lost? There are many worse fates than no longer being married to a skank whose idea of fidelity resembles the little piles of treasure my dog leaves on the lawn each morning.

In America there was a movie several (many?) years ago entitled, The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly. Given what she has decided to do with her life, your future could only have taken one of those three paths:

THE GOOD - You and WW reconcile, and go on to build a better marriage.
THE BAD - You and WW divorce.
THE UGLY - You put up with her forays into infidelity as she desires, and suffer "the death of a thousand cuts".

Exposure has eliminated "The Ugly". You should work toward "The Good", but accept the real possibility of "The Bad".

Yaaawwwwn.

A divorce has been a reality ever since she started doing another man. This is not news. Its not scary. You've endured worse. She is just throwing a big old tantrum and all of her toys out of the pram by doing it NOW right after exposure!

You may even have to file first to protect yourself if your legal advisor says to. You don't have to finalise. Drag it out if you want to. File on paper but to her face say "I don't talk divorce I talk marriage".

Find your pokerface. No matter what she does it isn't ruffling you, got it?

James Bond. Art of War: when weak, appear strong.