She's not willing to give up the phone. I took it from her tonight to look through it and she has already deleted all the history and is now saying she is going to go get her own phone on her own plan so I cannot have access to any of the info.

Happy anniversary to us.

Should I reset everything to day one again at this point?

Ya'll are going around the same circles. You just went through this not too long ago, and you BOTH AGREED TO GET RID OF THE PHONES. TRASH THEM. NOW.

Can someone please help me with questions for the polygraph? I need 5 questions

Have you trashed the phones?

I have them. I'm not going to give it back!

Good.

She admitted to being on Facebook after I got into one if her email accounts that she used. It showed all the times that she logged in and then deactivated the account an it was a lot. Sometimes five times a day. She still insists that she never made contact but can she be trusted?


Should I reset R back to day one?

She said she doesn't care what me or the program says. She will continue with face book. She's not going to give it up, she told me its all she has? I said I wanted to reset R to day one she said that she wanted a divorce and will clean the apartment out tomorrow while I am at work. I don't know what to say, she still says she has not made contact.

No. And she's shown you that over and over. And yet you let it continue by asking some variation of "what if she's telling the truth ... I'm not wrong, am I?" every time it comes up. And it comes up a lot.

It seems like she (actually you both) say a lot of things in the heat of the moment that you don't really mean, in order to hurt each other.

Would she be willing to talk to Dr Harley again? Can you write him an update including that you two are still fighting, the problems with POJA, the phone, FB, everything?

**EDIT**

BTW: Getting rid of the i-phone is not the root of the problem, but it's a good step showing her you mean to take control of your own life, even if she cannot control her own!

I appologize in advance for postin on RNR's thread, i will be brief.

NG, you said on July 16/13 - "Dude, how many breaks of EPs are you willing to abide, before giving up?

Then again today July 18/13 - "Eventually you stop wishing the dog would stop biting and euthanize the creature. (And for the NG-haters, the "dog" here is the marriage!)"

I don't believe that your posts to RNR are in following the MB principles with helping to support and save our marriage rather the opposite as is evident with the above.
If you are not going to offer positive advice, dont offer any at all.

FB is all she has?? What?? That doesn't compute with me at all. How selfish of her!! Holy crap..words can't express. S

Won't give up FB regardless if it hurts you or not? See, this is the thought process that you should be very cautious of. IF she is willing to do what she wants to do KNOWING it will hurt you..well...that is called Independent Behavior and not taking your feelings into consideration! Willing to do things that make her happy AT YOUR EXPENSE!

Isn't that part of what got you into this mess in the first place?

Man, I am so sorry she isn't on board with this plan for R. It must be very painful for you to endure both the pain of your entire world falling apart and then her not at the minimum get on board with MB.

Unfortunately, I can relate to where you are at. Please do yourself a favor and set the MB boundaries in which you are willing to continue moving forward and enforce them. Without the EP's in place, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Trust me, I know. ***EDIT***

Aren't you giving yours? If you can't make a deal in which you both are enthusiastic about 'a plan', why should you even continue one more day?

I am extremely upset at her attitude for you my man...I know she is causing you much more pain which is TOTALLY avoidable.

Time to man up here my friend. Figure out exactly what you need from her to continue, define it in detail and let her make the decision if she can do it or not. Better to find out today then set yourself up for failure or even worse a FR--Trust me I know...a FR is worse than the original A itself.

***EDIT***

CONSIDER PLAN B!!!

CONSIDER PLAN B!!!

...there...I will jump in on that.

What are the consequences for breaking an agreed upon EP?
What are the consequences when the wayward starts to disregard the policies of the program?
What are the consequences for ignoring what was revealed as a positive direction (counseling for impulse control) to take to eliminate poor marital behaviors?

I�d say these are things that are weighing heavily on RNR and is a daily grind that no one should have to endure.

Mrs_cen can only lash out at other posters instead of defending her position � well because she must know she has no position and she believes deflection is her best option.

I agree that Plan B is looking like his best course of action. To protect himself from the hurtful behavior being displayed at home every day.

If you are not going to offer positive advice, don't offer any at all.

Golly gee, Ma'am! I would have thought my suggestions to poor RNR were positive.

***EDIT***
- I also alluded to the positive benefits he might accrue by physically separating you from your favored "infidelity engine", your smart-phone. (Wasn't that a Dr. H suggestion, as well?)
- And I was forthrightly positive in my assessment that his best path right now would likely be Plan B. (MB precedent, you understand!)

I am very glad for this opportunity to set the record straight.

POSTERS: Please stick to MB principles when advising this couple, or refrain from posting.

RNR - Here are some unassailable Marriage Builders concepts.

MB is NOT a marriage-at-any-cost program, subject to any/all unilateral WS conditions/actions, especially those working against the tenets of the program itself, like the Policy of Joint Agreement, the Policy of Radical Honesty, the Rule of Care, and the Rule of Protection.

The MB Plan for Recovery from Infidelity is built upon actions, not words.

Neither spouse would be accorded the opportunity to force or compel the other to participate. One can only control one's own actions. One's own actions, however, should be based on adhering to the MB Plan.

Plan A is a recognized part of the MB Plan for recovering from infidelity.
So is Plan B.

In some cases, "recovery" does not mean "reconciliation". It may be limited to assuring the betrayed spouse that remaining with a historically wayward spouse is not the best solution for the betrayed spouse.

Are you with me this far?

Do not consider Plan B until you have talked to Dr. Harley himself, first.

This is way too soon for the typical BH to go to Plan B.
And you haven't even really done a Plan A. You've been fighting and blaming, instead.

So do not think about Plan B until you have talked to Dr. Harley, and HE tells you to go to Plan B.

The leap from the radio show of two weeks ago to "go to plan B now" is quite a big one. Considering that both sides of this M have make plenty of errors, I just don't see it. RNR should be quietly documenting violations, not fighting over every issue (real or perceived), and doing a really good plan A. Dr. H gave this couple some pretty specific directions. That is what should be followed. The big thing is "stop fighting".