That's what I meant by independent of each other - she does her thing, you do yours. Even if it's chores around the house or reading books. You two just don't seem to be spending quality time together. Do you talk with her about historical events? Would she be interested in talking about that? Do you two have common interests you can share in doing, share in talking about? Would she be willing to go on a simple date with you, to get away from doing chores a little while?

What kind of points are you trying to make that make her shut down until you're done? How do you approach her with your points?

now you get to define "quality time"

We've never really "dated" in the regard that we've never had to do something we don't care for just to please the other. So, she only goes to movies she will stay awake in (rare). I shop with her, which is hunting. She shops like a man...get in, buy it, get out.
If she needs my help or I hers for a task...we have but to ask. But she never decides what to eat when we're out...she just doesn't care and if I don't pick a place, we go home hungry.
Describe a simple date for me, because dinner and a movie is about the extent of our "out time" and she doesn't like to blow money on food she can cook at home and a movie she can wait to sleep through on DVD. We "hang out" with each other virtually every moment we're not either asleep or at work, but we know enough about each other to be out of things to say.

When I say "points" I mean, that's how we "argue"...we discuss logically, without fury, or barbs or fighting...like two people who respect each other and don't need to talk over each other...

There comes a point where I don't think she gets it... so I use analogies, mental pictures, stories. I get frustrated because she still isn't responding...she's not answering... she's listening and processing, but I'm not getting feedback... when I realize she's "done" and gone off in her mind to process an answer (or ignore the question) I drop it and we stay quiet for a few days. She may answer a question I've asked her a WEEK after I asked it... sometimes I remember them, sometimes I start the conversation again. But there's never any real substantive solutions...just like now!

I'm seriously thinking this is the last time I even go down this road.

She just said
"writing a novel again? I'd have just typed "what's wrong with me?" "

I replied "you know me...too wordy."
She laughed...replied "so now we're gonna try a social media approach?"
I laughed back. Time to hit the sack. Thanks everyone for looking and commenting. Nice to know we're not crazy yet.

Before you give up on MB, I would suggest that you email Dr. Harley to get his expert thoughts and advice.

The problem here is that even IF your wife is 100% blissfully happy in the marriage, and completely in love with you (which btw would mean that you are doing a FANTASTIC job meeting her needs) you are not feeling the same way or getting your EN's met by your wife.

Dr. Harley has a plan for you both to be in a happy marriage and get YOUR needs met also.

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

Prisca nailed it - if a person feels like this, it is because they are in withdrawal.

When Dr. Harley sees a couple, regardless of what they have put on the emotional needs questionnaire, he works with them to get them meeting the four emotional needs Prisca listed, for 15 hours a week: affection, intimate conversation, recreational companionship, and sexual fulfillment.

Go out on dates and start meeting these, and see what happens.

What are your complaints about your marriage, if any?

Focus on these:

Friends and enemies of good conversation

Read and reread daily. Practice including the friends, and avoiding the enemies.

What are you doing together during the 8-10 hours a day?

I agree with writing to Dr. Harley. He is the author of many books on marriage. He has many years of experience and has seen a lot of different scenarios. You both may find him to be insightful.

BTW, the "social media" comment was a Disrespectful Judgement -- have you read the "basic concepts" section on this site? Your wife's lack of concern/sarcasm for your issue is one massive Lovebuster in my view and amounts to an actual lack of care* -- regardless of the "server" role she manages to play. (I never thought much of the Lovelanguages book anyway...).

You are at risk of staying in the subset of 20% of marriages who stay together but one or both are not really happy. Statistically only 10% of marriages are fulfilling -- that's what we are striving for here. Welcome to MB and good luck!

~optimism
*check out MB definition of "care" for further insight.

Any way to take her places mentioned in those books she loves?

She has an interest, so start looking at those books and see if you can visit places mentioned or similar to those mentioned in the books.

We've been to all the places. We own a Victorian (1860's) mansion. We collect antiques. We got to the Grand Hotel at Mackinac every year and she sleeps a lot and reads a bit and we get dressed for dinner in Victorian dress. We spend a lot of time together... just together. Right now, she's sleeping next to me on the couch while I decide what to do with the rest of this rainy day...

Have you seen this?
The Four Rules of a Successful Marriage

Did you ever write Dr. Harley?