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I am writing as I am so sick. I am a son...live in Florida...of a father I know is cheating on my mom. My dad has been acting weird for a year to my mom. He is SO mean...doesn't sleep with her anymore. Long story made short we hired a P.I. and the PI followed him around - and found he was with another man. No smoking gun yet but its clear. he is having an affair with a MAN.
Spends hours at his house...drives to go shopping...has dinner and sits on the same side of the table as him. the man's voice, per the PI, is clearly VERY feminine. I can;t even think straight. I dont know how to break this to my mom (once we get more video of him doing something physical...sickens me to say this). I just dont know and am reaching out....
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Concerned, I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your family. According to the advice Dr. Harley usually gives, you are taking the right tactic by gathering evidence of an affair. You will need to go on to the next step of exposing the affair, which tends to help hasten its demise. Most importantly, your mother needs to be told what is happening. Please invite her to come here so that we can help her.
Affairs tend to be short lived. According to Dr. Harley, 95% of them perish within two years. Same-sex affairs are even more unstable. The strategies that Dr. Harley advocates for disrupting affairs and for marital recovery after an affair are just as effective in same-sex affairs.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jul 2013
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but if he has been married to my mother so long, then decides to have an affair with another MAN...how long has he been "gay"? I was SHOCKED it was another man. Absolutely shocked. I just dont know how it can be repaired if he is with another man.
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but if he has been married to my mother so long, then decides to have an affair with another MAN...how long has he been "gay"? I was SHOCKED it was another man. Absolutely shocked. I just dont know how it can be repaired if he is with another man. Concerned, I would encourage you to contact Dr. Harley directly about this, but the facts are as follows: many or most people are capable of attraction to both genders. Regardless, they can still be FAITHFUL to their wedding vows. Dr. Harley has successfully worked with many people who had same sex attractions but desired to fix their marriages. Same sex attraction is not any more of a barrier to a good marriage than opposite sex attractions. Regardless, definitely inform your mother about what is going on as soon as possible, and expose this affair to the people who matter most in your father's life. And please send your mother here so she can get some support.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Regarding repairing the marriage, that will be your mother's decision to make. She may not be willing to do that. But if she wants to, and your father is willing, Dr. Harley's plan of marital recovery has worked in such situations.
By the way, let me add that it is urgent that your mother be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. I know this may be obvious, but it needs to be stated.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Thank you Markos. I appreciate the help.
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if the cheating husband is cheating with another man, when one exposes the affair to friends, family, etc, is it better to leave the fact that it was a "gay" out of it? i just can not shake the gay aspect being an issue when it comes to exposing. thank you.
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if the cheating husband is cheating with another man, when one exposes the affair to friends, family, etc, is it better to leave the fact that it was a "gay" out of it? i just can not shake the gay aspect being an issue when it comes to exposing. thank you. Are you exposing on OM's side?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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my parents are married. my dad is cheating on my mom with a man. I am wanting to expose my dad. the other man (OM??) is single as far as I can tell.
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Concerned,
I hope you have told your Mom to STOP having any kind of sexual relations with your Dad, there is a chance your Dad contracted AIDS, as the gay community has a high incidence of the disease.
God Bless
Gamma
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my parents are married. my dad is cheating on my mom with a man. I am wanting to expose my dad. the other man (OM??) is single as far as I can tell. Ok so who is on your exposure list? What is your mom doing? Has she been tested for STD/STIs?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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if the cheating husband is cheating with another man, when one exposes the affair to friends, family, etc, is it better to leave the fact that it was a "gay" out of it? i just can not shake the gay aspect being an issue when it comes to exposing. thank you. When you expose, you need to be factual and accurate. Your dad is having an affair. You need to name the person he is having an affair with, or your exposure will lack the necessary 'punch' that is needed. Name his affair partner. Explain how you know about the affair - be factual, not judgmental. Offer to provide documentation if they wish to have further information. What they think of the homosexual nature of the affair is up to them. Be sure to have supporting documentation ready for people who swear that your dad 'can't possibly be gay'.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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if the cheating husband is cheating with another man, when one exposes the affair to friends, family, etc, is it better to leave the fact that it was a "gay" out of it? i just can not shake the gay aspect being an issue when it comes to exposing. thank you. When you expose, you need to be factual and accurate. Your dad is having an affair. You need to name the person he is having an affair with, or your exposure will lack the necessary 'punch' that is needed. Name his affair partner. Explain how you know about the affair - be factual, not judgmental. Offer to provide documentation if they wish to have further information. What they think of the homosexual nature of the affair is up to them. Be sure to have supporting documentation ready for people who swear that your dad 'can't possibly be gay'. Thanks Bliss for the good explanation.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I am sorry your vision of your father is tainted by infedelity. That is so sad.
Support your mother during this very difficult time and know that your father's actions do not negate your mother's marriage nor your existence.
You count. Your mother counts.
Your father's secret second life is cruel to you and mom BUT it does not negate the life you have had. The family you have had.
You and mom need to familiarize yourselves with Marriage Builder concepts and plod on through this experience and you both need to survive the betrayal and abuse of being tossed aside for a secret second life.
You both count. You both are truly alright as people.
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hi everyone. my mom and dad have not had any type of physical relationship for a long time now. i know this for a fact. i plan on exposing to my entire family, my parents church, my parents friends, etc. i dont know much about this man but I plan on telling him to stay away from my father.
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Have you told your mother yet!?
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